Day 829

Rang in the new year with a screaming baby. I feel like New Years Eves are going to be a little different from now on...

Day 828

It's amazing how much difference the time can make. Things that are adorable and hilarious during the day can make you want to cry at four in the morning.

Day 827

Having a baby is considerably more enjoyable when breastfeeding is not excruciatingly painful.

Day 826

It is fabulous when the baby gas-smiles with excellent timing for jokes. It is even better when you look at her, say her name and smile... And she looks you straight in the eye and smiles back. Social smiling, here we come!

Day 825

In which the Lizard did her impression of a water fountain.

Day 824

Achievement unlocked: used puppy as a nursing pillow.

Day 823

We have all more or less survived the lizard's first Christmas.

Day 822

Our baby of perpetual eating really needs to let us sleep.

Day 821

We decorated the tree and finished buying Christmas presents today. Once we wrap stuff tomorrow, we're ready for the Lizard's first Christmas!

Day 820

The Lizard is really working on reinforcing the idea that it is important for babies to be cute.

Day 819 (early!)

My baby not only clusterfeeds.... She clusterpoops! This is probably so that Husband doesn't feel left out.

Day 818

Our baby keeps being sweet and sleepy and snuggly whenever other people are around. If she keeps this up, no one is going to believe us about the crying and the pooping...

Day 817 (belated)

People seem to think that baby boys corner the market on eccentric peeing... But my daughter can pee in her hair.

So there.

Day 816 (corrected date)

I have already acknowledged that today was the Lizard's due date in other places, and talked about how cute she is...

So here I can just say - WHY ARE MY BOOBS LEAKING ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE?!?!

Day 814

It is good to remind yourself periodically to just sit and look at your baby's face. When she's not crying. Not-crying babies are remarkable, wonderful things.

Day 814

Lizard has starting working on her memoir, titled Eat, Cry, Fart.

I'm sure Julia Roberts will sign on for the movie any day now.

Day 813

This evening has been a competition to see which baby can yell more.

All I know is that Husband and I are losing.

Day 812

One day you find out that you can squirt milk in random directions. You wonder whether this is a power that can be harnessed. If yes, do you use this power for good or for evil?

Parenthood involves big decisions.

Day 811

My ideas of what constitutes a miracle have changed a bunch in the last ten days.

For instance: four hours of sleep at once? Completely miraculous. Even my bladder doesn't want to get in the way of that.

Day 810

Today we had our first trip out of the house with the baby since coming home and nobody died!

And considerably more miraculously, we were only a couple minutes late to our appointment!

Day 809

The Lizard's first diaper-busting poop will probably be a good reminder to the twelve year olds who cleaned our ducts today to always wear condoms. Like... Literally, all of the time.

Day 808

Biology is a wonderful thing. I can feel like total ass when I wake up, and will start feeling better as soon as I start holding my daughter. Definitely science-magic.

Day 807

And then suddenly, the day posts took a sudden turn towards saccharine.

Because motherhood does strange things to a gal.

Day 806 (belated)

Got to take the three day old baby home. Somehow she looks even tinier amongst our things...

Also discovered the agony of hurting your baby when I clipped her fingernail and caught a tiny bit of thumb. I'm pretty sure I found it more upsetting than she did.

Day 805 (belated)

Even hospital showers can feel awesome if it has been long enough since your last shower.

Day 804

We made a baby!

And it's a good one too!

Day 803 (belated)

Operation Adorable Baby = Huge Success.

Day 802

Getting admitted to hospital: Take 2. Will this one result in a baby?!? Only time will tell...

Day 801

Another day of successfully avoiding being so stressed out I have a baby!

Day 800

The baby dropped part way through the countdown. This kid is obviously unfamiliar with New Years Eve traditions.

Day 799

Some days you just have to agree to not accomplish things.

Day 798 (belated)

I think the dog suspects us of plotting new ways to torment him all the time. Shovel snow without him? Horrors!