Day 1680

If you're in a bad mood, a small child can totally turn your day around.

And then turn it around again.

And again.

And again.

You just have to try to avoid getting dizzy from the emotional tilt-a-whirl.

Day 1679

That thing where your kid mispronounces a word into something inappropriate and you just have to not let them see you laugh...

Day 1678

How do you explain to a two year old that she's probably not going to be able to catch a whale with her hands?

Day 1677

Kids: much cuter when they are sleeping than when they are screaming their faces off.

Day 1676

Nothing like having all your babies screaming at you while you're stuck in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable car.

Day 1675

We're all trying to condition each other.

We're showing Lizard that if she pushes her chair back, she loses her booster seat; she's teaching us that if we take away her booster seat, she unleashes a cavalcade of horrors.

Day 1674

That thing where you feel kinda bad shopping without your toddler, because it is apparently one of the most exciting activities in the world...

Day 1673

It is so bizarre seeing your exuberant and talkative kid become absolutely paralyzed by shyness.

Day 1672

Celebrating small victories gets much more important when you're a parent.

But you should probably not get into the habit of celebrating them with booze.

Day 1671

Informal polling suggests that most people think it's funny when a toddler says "Drive drive drive!!! Honk honk honk!!" while "driving" a shopping cart with a steering wheel around a store. A small minority are not at all amused.

Day 1670

The "you can't go outside if you don't get dressed" threat doesn't work so well when your kid goes "Fuck it! Who needs outside?!"

Day 1669

That thing where your considering popping your kid's helium balloon because now that it's somewhat deflated it's become a creepy murder balloon following you around the house...

Day 1668

It's official: Lizard legitimately helps put groceries away. Now we just have to wait for her to be big enough to carry them in from the car...

Day 1667

If it's not already a thing, someone needs to invent ten second meditation for parents.

Day 1666

Once you have a toddler with a bunch of words, you pretty much have endless hours of entertainment for free just sitting talking to them.

Day 1665

Our kids continue to try to convince everybody that they are always really easygoing and always follow directions...

Day 1664

It's really neat seeing your kid interact with other kids, especially kids of about the same age. And really gratifying to see more "let me show you..." than "gimme!"

Day 1663 (Belated)

When your two year old tricks you into offering to take her for a walk... and then also does it to your husband...

Day 1662

Parenthood really makes you appreciate things like sleep, showers, and the ability to use both hands.

Day 1661

Both of my children have now managed to pee in their own hair.

More than once.

Day 1660

Tough parenting choices: does your toddler really need to eat if they want to read books and snuggle with you?

Day 1659

Once you have a toddler, you miss all the snuggles you got when you had a newborn. But oh man is it ever nice when your toddler snuggles with you on purpose.

Day 1658

<alarming poop noise>

Do not pass go. Do not finish watching show. We are hosing down the End Times.

Day 1657

Finished the Colonel's baby blanket 17 days after he was born and only five days after his due date.

It's official: crocheting is amazing.

Day 1656

Lizard manners: if she doesn't know your name, she'll call you "Kid" when she's making her demands.

Day 1655

Your husband might be a crazy person if he has attempted to determine your two week kid's preferred time signatures for being burped.

Or he might be a music person.

Probably the first one.

Day 1654

Second babies are vastly more portable than first babies.

Day 1653

I discovered outside (still) exists. It's kinda nice!

Day 1652

In which I learned, to my great relief, that I am capable of taking care of two kids at once.

Day 1651

And now it's time to find out if we can manage with two sets of adult hands...