Day 2288

If you give a Lizard a crocheted hay bale, she will ask you to make more. And also to make individual hays of two different kinds.

Day 2287

Today I crocheted a hay bale. Also a wonky tortilla. I suspect the requests might only get more absurd from here.

Lizard wanted more new toys out; we said no. She decided to clean up the living room in an attempt to curry favour. I pointed out that it didn’t look very tidy after she had finished. “But I cleaned it just enough!”

Listening to a 90s playlist; Lizard is dancing in her chair like a maniac; Chinchilla waves his arms in the air “MAKE IT LOUD!”

Not sure if that is a sign of excellent or terrible parenting.

Day 2286

After second Christmas, I feel like we need a guest house to keep all the toys...

Day 2285

Sure, he refuses to accept a bunch of the nicknames we give him, but we watch the incredibles *one* time and Chinchilla starts saying “I Jackjack!”

Day 2284

As the number of consecutive Christmas events increases, so too does the level of bananas.

Heaven help us.

Day 2283

All the activity does result in Christmas Tired, but it also means a steadily increasing fan club for our kids, which is super gratifying. And they love the extra attention, and the extra people to talk to.

Day 2282

It fills my heart to see my kids sharing their new toys, giggling together, and being silly and polite and fun with new people even though they’re really overtired. Also seeing them passing out hugs. Including one of Chinchilla’s trust fall hugs (they caught him!) - as far as I’m aware, the first one outside the family.

Day 2281

I might be almost as excited about the kids’ reactions to their presents as they are about the presents.

The big question is... will Lizard like her salad bowl?!?!

Day 2280

That thing where your daughter is so excited about wearing a dress that her little brother starts feeling left out... and then once you’re at the Christmas party, she wants to play darts and hockey.

I guess so far we’re succeeding in making her feel like she can do all things.

Day 2279

Lizard makes alarming snacks: chocolate cheese with bones in it.

It will probably be good when she absorbs more food pairing information. And more food anatomy...

Day 2278

For best results, assemble toys before Christmas Eve. Also take inventory of all your shipped goods before your last shopping day.

Day 2277

Kids are very helpful with migraine-induced nausea. They’ll climb on you and hug you until you feel better.

Chinchilla also checked my ‘temper’ and declared it “hot!”.

Day 2276

Our little Lizard has asked us not to call her Lizard anymore.

<deep breath>

Day 2275

Christmas tree decorating with two little kids actually goes pretty efficiently as long as you’re able to distract the kids from breakable ornaments while you’re trying to get the lights on. You might also get “help” with the lights.

Day 2274

Dropped the kids off at daycare and then meandered through the last bits of Christmas shopping. It feels like we got away with something.

Day 2273

Chinchilla is so excited about the (undecorated) Christmas tree that he apparently has to squat down to point hard enough at it.

Day 2272

Lizard discovers the joys of performing for a photographer’s camera; Chinchilla discovers the joys of ignoring the same.

Day 2271

Our kids have now seen Nightmare Before Christmas and by some magic, it was not too scary.

Also, Chinchilla is really enjoying his new verb tense. “Running! Walking! Running!” “Hugging Mommy!”

Day 2270

Today Lizard grabbed the dog for mandatory snuggles...and tried to tickle him.

Chinchilla continues to demonstrate his obsession with chocolate.

Day 2269

My two favourite things right now: Chinchilla’s blossoming and adorable vocabulary, and Lizard’s big beautiful heart. She is such an incredibly sweet and patient big sister.

Day 2268

Chinchilla mastered a new verb tense today; now he is reading, dancing, and running.

And if he’s reading, there’s a good chance it’s a book that features a pumpkin.

Day 2267

Having to look after yourself when you’re home sick is lame. Having your wee kids come home and try to help you feel better is both heartwarming and kinda dreadful.

Day 2266

My gastrointestinal tract succumbed to peer pressure.

Day 2265

Today Lizard’s tummy was doing well and her Daddy’s tummy was not, so it was time for birthday cake! I made the chocolate apple cake she requested, and she decided she didn’t want to finish her dinner and that we should have cake tomorrow.

Luckily, she reconsidered before my head exploded.

Her review: I like the flavour. It’s a cake that makes you go “whoa! That’s a nice cake!” And you look at it and say “wow! What a big beautiful cake!”

Day 2264

Chinchilla keeps surprising me with all the things he knows. He’s turning into a pretty good little communicator.

C: Bye! Later!
Me: Bye! See you later!
C: Alligator!

Day 2263

I’ve already started teaching my kids about consent. Apparently I should have started with my coworkers.

Day 2262

Upside: bonus snuggle time with my sweet girl on her birthday.
Downside: poor Lizard is very sick for her birthday again.

Day 2261

And on the eve of her fourth birthday, Lizard turned our house into a vomitorium.

Day 2260

My three year old asks more thoughtful interesting questions than a bunch of the people I work with. While both groups are terrible at listening when they don’t feel like it, at least Lizard listens to the answer when she asks a question.

Day 2259

When you have two kids who are sick, tired, dramatic and overwrought it seems to be a rule that they will always most want to play with the toy the other kid is holding.

Day 2258

Absorbing the extra snuggles from the sick kiddos, brushing away the rest.

Day 2257

Tiny kids trying to make other people laugh but mostly making themselves laugh is the best. I love having two little goofballs.

Day 2256

Fusterclucks don’t just come in threes when you’re solo parenting.

Day 2255

Thank god for cheerful kids who are generally enthusiastic participants in anything labelled an adventure.

Day 2254

Lizard continues to be entertained by riding the bus. Hopefully the novelty doesn’t wear off in the next couple days.

Chinchilla has discovered rock and roll. Specifically, singing “rock and roll” over and over. But also music on the “rado”.

Day 2253

We had a firefighting adventure after dinner. Lizard drove us to Africa with our firefighting tools and firefighting hoses. She was very particular that everyone had to be safely buckled in. Her brother was playing right along.

L: Kid firefighter, do you want to fight fires with me?
C: yeah!
L: okay, let’s get into the truck!
C: tuck!
L: is everyone all buckled in?
C: buckle!
L: Ready to go?
C: Ready!

Chinchilla was mostly interesting in the fire truck part, and kept calling his sister back to the truck. “Sit! Sit!”

This *really* makes me wish this girl would eat faster so we could do this every day...

Day 2252

Lizard now not only cooks many and varied dishes for me to try, but she also makes a recipe for me. “I’m writing ‘one teaspoon egg’.” That was for egg pie, which has lots of cheese, tomato, and carrots.

She also looked at the meat portion of the preparation for pulled pork sandwiches and said “Are we not having vegetables?”

Chinchilla continues to be obsessed with the pumpkin we carved for Halloween. It was a “nice nice nice nice punkin”. Also with his Dora Halloween book, which might be related.

Day 2251

Chinchilla has decided to adopt his sister’s view of books. It’s a good thing we have already firmly established how many bedtime stories they get and how many books they’re allowed in their beds...

Day 2250

A surprisingly difficult start to a difficult day.

Day 2249

Trying to teach a three year old Wheaton’s Law with limited success.

Also, my kids fight over folding washcloths. I have very mixed feelings.

Day 2248

If part of your evening gets snatched away from a webinar, it apparently results in SO MANY extra snuggles.
Now if only I got snuggle credit for work webinars...

Day 2247

Signs you are raising a little Liz Luthor:

“What are working people used for?”

Day 2246

Chinchilla does not appreciate his new snowsuit.

Lizard now has sufficient artistic prowess to draw our family. Although even she gets confused about which tiny figure is her brother and which is the dog.

Day 2245

I spend a lot more time than I expected going through clothes. Between the kids growing into and out of clothes, passing baby clothes off to the next families, and then Husband and I shrinking into and out of clothes, it’s a goddamn circus.

Of clothes.

Which is a pretty shitty circus.

Day 2244

Lizard told me today that she wished that we only had one kid.

And then followed up with “I just wish you had one kid and two babies.”

Apparently having a baby sibling is easier to endure than a toddler who hogs crayons.

Day 2243

Note to upper management: don’t let all the decision-makers leave early on Fridays.

As Lizard said about my day: “WHAT! That’s CRAAAZY, man!”

Day 2242

Lizard’s favourite post daycare activities are helping make dinner and dancing in her fancy shoes.

Chinchilla’s favourite is putting on the hat, coat, and boots I just took off him and parading around the house.

He also enjoys trying to convince us to have pizza for dinner. “Pita! Yes! Like. Pita!”

Day 2241

We pick up the kids from daycare and Husband says “we should probably order now.” And Lizard says “Are we having pizza for dinner? I love pizza! Yay!” And Chinchilla says “Pita! Pita! Pita!”

So we’re raising our kids right.

Also both kids now want to go to bed with books but no stuffies. Not really sure how to feel about that one.

Day 2240

I really thought I would have more time before I had a kid come home upset, saying that other kids don’t love her and don’t want to play with her.

Granted, it sounds like they had different ideas of what game to play and no one would compromise, so someone was maybe being a *touch* dramatic. Unfortunately that doesn’t make the feelings any less real.

Points for our stalwart little boy, joining his sister in all her reindeer games...

Day 2239

We spend a lot of time explaining things to Lizard because Lizard has a lot of questions. Like: why is it dark out? Why is it snowing? How do trees grow? How do buildings fall down? What are fires for? What are mountains for? What is snow for? How does the food supply chain work? Why are the lobsters in the grocery store not in the sea?

Today she asked one that I wasn’t sure how to respond to, but luckily she volunteered to explain it to me instead. Apparently mountain ropes are for people to climb up when they are falling off mountains. “There’s not much to explain, really.”

And Chinchilla introduced a new adorable mispronunciation: ketchup is now bupbup. As in, MORE BUPBUP!!!

Day 2238

Chinchilla has abruptly -and wholeheartedly- developed an interest in Lizard’s baby doll. Pray for us.

Day 2237

Tiny humans with larger than expected vocabularies are crowd pleasers.

The snappy crab dance also packs a good punch.

Day 2236

Chinchilla’s vocabulary continues to grow at an astonishing rate. It now includes “Brocky! Pizza!” (with suitable enthusiasm) “Here go!” (for when he passes you anything and everything he can get his little hands on) and “do it!” (which means, loosely translated: I want to do it all by myself, so shove off!).

Day 2235

When the stars align, Lizard wants to dress her brother and he is okay with having her help.

Also, I love the foods Lizard comes up with. Tonight she made a lemon blueberry pie, which she insisted was a dinner pie because it had “normal protein” in it.

Meanwhile, Chinchilla has discovered the joys of feeding everyone pretend ice cream.

Day 2234

‘What is Fire For?’ And Other Questions You Might Find Yourself Answering on the Drive Home After a Long Disheartening Day at Work

Day 2233

Apparently if we need to get a whole lot of food into our kids, we just have to make them scallops and pasta.

Also, we apparently have two very independent little kiddos. Even for toddlers. Chinchilla has learned to say “I do it!”. Mostly so we can have this conversation:

C: Halp!
Me: Do you need help?
C: NO! I do it!
...
C: Halp!

Day 2232

Having your work day called early because of bomb is not much fun, as it turns out. Would not recommend.

Day 2231

If you make food for a potluck, is it against the rules to keep it and go buy something for sharing if the thing you made is too delicious?

Also, imagining how hilarious and maddening it must be to be the propmaster at SNL.

Day 2230

That indescribable feeling when your three year old tells you to “just calm it down” because it is “not nice” to tell her to put her pants on for the second time (actually the eighth or so).

But also that lovely feeling when you finish your assignment early and it’s unexpectedly bonus movie night!

Day 2229

The language explosion isn’t any less astonishing the second time around.

The first ‘love you’s aren’t any less wonderful either.

Day 2228

When work is frustrating, it’s nice having a three year old at home to congratulate you on doing all the little things in life. “Did you need my help, momma?”

I certainly did.

And then Chinchilla provides the snuggles.

Day 2227

What a difference a couple years makes! Chinchilla was totally uninterested in costumes and trick or treating... he just wanted to stay inside with his hoodie, boots and toque on and look at all the people and point out our pumpkin.

Lizard was SO excited about trick or treating and seemed to be in utter disbelief that people were just giving her their candy.

And because her brother didn’t actually collect any candy, she offered to share her haul.

All the feels.

Day 2226

With some kids, it might have been a grim death march. Lizard told me she was cold, and that her legs were a little tired, but she was still happy that we got to go on an adventure together.

Day 2225

You think you’re into a nice path of decreasing diaper changes, and then all of a sudden your kid’s stuffed panda is pooping all over the place and you are needed to fix it.

Just because it’s pretend doesn’t mean it’s fun, child. Especially the hundredth time.

... although I do enjoy hearing you say “change bumma!! Boop!”

Day 2224

Today Lizard learned the word disagreement. Because we were having them. All day.

On the plus side, when I told her I was feeling a little discouraged, she asked me what she could do to  help, and gave me a big hug. And then “read” encouraging mail to me.

And Chinchilla brought a puzzle over to the big table and climbed up on the big chair so he could do puzzles with his big sister.

Day 2223

Dear Chinchilla,

When your sister gets sent for a timeout for something she did to you, it might be counterproductive for you to go and sit with her out of solidarity.

Love,

Your mother

Day 2222

Movie nights with everyone snuggling and laughing together on the couch are the best nights.

Day 2221

It’s a dark day when your toddler learns to pull the kids off markers...

But on the plus side, Lizard has really started belting it out when she sings, and it’s my favourite. Time to start introducing her to power ballads...

Day 2220

Aggravating children in the morning then one so snuggly and sweet in the evening and the other with all of the feelings.

Hold the snuggles close to your heart; deep breath and let everything else go.

Day 2219

Trying to rake leaves with two small children means trying and failing to convince them to let you use the rake, and then grabbing the rake and raking as fast as you can the moment they get distracted and put it down.

However, they did both help put leaves in bins and bags. And their earnest little assistance was the best part.

Day 2218

Cracking down on the wandering Lizard, and encouraging silly dance moves from our kids.

And hearing Chinchilla dent that he’s a stinker: “tinker, no!”

Day 2217

Our children continue to be charming at parties.

Lizard was so impressed with the organization of it that she has started playing Birthday, and was decorating and cooking up a storm. She had so much on her plate that she asked her brother to keep an eye on her cooking so it wouldn’t burn.

She also told us about her babies, who get up to all sorts of shenanigans, like refusing to nap, stealing their mommy’s food, climbing on the garage and spinning around, and eating their bottles.

Sounds like a case of demonic possession.

Day 2216

When your one and a half year old puts on their boots, brings you their coat and asks for help, they might be trying to tell you something.

Day 2215

Don’t get your kids flu shots on your birthday unless you want to deal with them being almost comedically overwrought... but mostly annoyingly overwrought. With brief detours into concerningly overwrought.

Day 2214

This morning we played a game with Chinchilla.

“Are you a doggy?” “No doggy!” “Are you a potato?” “Tato! No!” “Are you Charles?” “NO DARBLES!”

...until Lizard got fed up with having to wait for her breakfast: “Stop all that silliness!”

Day 2213

Chinchilla seems to be developing an awareness of when he needs to poop, but sometimes seems to get confused between poops and farts. This evening he was mostly The Boy Who Cried Boop <pats bum>.

Day 2212

Yes Lizard, we also miss Penelope. But that won’t make Honda fix her any faster, so cool your darn jets.

Day 2211

Post-vacation recovery begins. We’re firmly in the ‘need another vacation’ phase.

Day 2210

We’ve discovered that our little monkeys are excellent little roadtrippers, for which I am extremely grateful.

But still.

Home at last.

<exhales>

Day 2209

Our vacation took an unexpected turn and we ended up playing Arkham Horror with my mom. “I use this card to increase my might... did I kill the whosits?”

Day 2208

Zoo days with toddlers: a workout for your legs, arms, and patience.

Also totally worth it.

Day 2207

Chinchilla has definitely learned to say no, but there is no evidence that he knows how to say it only once. He has the saddest most pathetic string of nos I’ve ever heard.

Day 2206

Vacation always reminds me how important naps are, and also what sweethearts our babies are.

Day 2205

The babies seem to be excellent little roadtrippers, especially if you bring LOTS of snacks and don’t expect Lizard to sly.

On a related note, it’s not a great time to start discussing why you shouldn’t call people names when your kid is extremely overtired. Or so the stinkybutt leads me to believe.

Day 2204

Filling the bath with buckets and sawing wood so you can heat the house sure makes you appreciate modern life. But it’s nice knowing you can do it.

Day 2203

If it weren’t for the fact that sleeping in the car seems to give her nightmares, I think Lizard would be pretty happy doing road trips basically all the time. And she doesn’t even know she can watch movies in the car yet!

Day 2202

Turns out our tiny humans suck at sleeping in the car.

Also, moose adjusters. Moose adjusters adjusting your car into oblivion.

Day 2200

Entertaining an almost four year old in the car for hours is much easier than entertaining a one and a half year old.

Day 2199

That feeling when you go for a run even though it is cold and miserable out.... and end up 0.07km shy of your goal. AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Also, Lizard cried when I took the elastics out of her hair because apparently her hair isn’t beautiful anymore when it’s not in braids.

Also, Chinchilla gave me one of his most ridiculous pouts when I suggested he could stay sitting on the toilet while I grabbed a clean diaper. Nope, apparently not an option.

Day 2198

Lizard is much more enthusiastic about helping her brother than he is about receiving her assistance. But this morning he was willing to go along with her when she decided to dress him.

“Come sit on my lap.” Which he did, only then she couldn’t see or reach to do much because she’s only a little bigger than he is.

“Remember, the tag goes at the back!”

“No, that leg goes in the other hole! What a silly little boy!”

Day 2197

 When you say ‘No!’ forcefully enough that your kid is startled and freaked out and needs to come sob in your arms... until they calm down enough to realize that you’re the mean one and have to switch to sobbing in the other parent’s arms...

Day 2196

When I told Lizard it was too cold to swim in a kiddie pool in the yard, she said “I thought we could maybe go to the zoo in sweaters.”

Chinchilla, in an effort to do like his big sister do, has taken up twirling on the “ballet mat”. And when he upped his yoga game to include a three legged dog, she started doing tree pose... and he started lifting one foot high in the air and stomping it down. Perfect.

Chinchilla has warmed up enough to the vacuum cleaner that he doesn’t cry whenever he sees me using it... but he prefers to get snuggled the whole time the infernal machine is on...

Day 2195

Well, the shyness seems to be wearing off. Lizard shared her rendition of Let It Go at dinner in front of the extended family.

Also, conversational Lizard is one of my favourite Lizards.

Day 2194

Rapid acquisition of language crossed with inability to pronounce words is one of my favourite things. Yup, that squirrel is definitely a dirrel.

Chinchilla also got fed up with Lizard’s bedtime story taking too long. “Up! Bed! Bed!” And then he tried to climb into his crib himself so he could hug his book and go to sleep.

Day 2193

Lizard expressed a strong wish for a toy salad and a toy salad bowl to play with. “It’s too bad they don’t sell them in stores... do you think you can look for one? Mommy, will you try your best for me?”

Well, GOSH. I will NOW...

Day 2192

I love this phase where new words seem to be appearing in his repertoire regularly. This phase seems to be ongoing for Lizard. She still astonishes us with new words she suddenly cracks out. How many words could possibly fit in such a tiny human?!

Day 2191

You know you’re raising a contrarian little weirdo when they cry when getting their head measured, and shrug off getting a shot.

The fact that he was clutching his comb when we went to the doctor’s office might also be an indicator.

Day 2190

You’d think I’d be used to evidence of Lizard’s steadily growing vocabulary by now, but she continues to astonish.

Chinchilla is working hard on new words too. Including, maybe... DINOSAUR! ROAR! ROAR!

Day 2189

Yesterday the kids slept in and woke up healthier and sillier and more cheerful than they had for a few days. Today they slept in and woke up grumpy and in Lizard’s case, totally bananas.

Although we did get to hear one of her original songs, which was about waking up and how you can keep dreams if you want to, and if you don’t you can throw them out the window and that’s fine too.

And when I told her that I didn’t want her help sweeping up the coffee grounds Charlie dumped on the floor, she said “I understand you want to do it by yourself, but I’m trying to help you!”

So I guess we’re all getting parented here.

Day 2188

Having the toddler wanting to sit and snuggle and read books together again is one of my favourite stages.

Day 2187

When the adults in the room are laughing way harder at the kids movie than the kids...

Day 2186

Is there some kind of runner’s street cred for your first run in the rain? Maybe a merit badge? Anyone? Bueller?

Day 2185

Today I explained municipal elections, what “delivering” babies means, and that swords are for vanquishing foes.

Crushing it!

Day 2184

When you let your one and a half year old go up on the play structure and they respond to this privilege by running straight off a platform...

...fortunately straight into my arms. Unfortunately, he thought it was fricking hilarious, so whoever’s on duty is going to be spending a lot of time sprinting around the play structure.

Day 2183

Chinchilla went to bed without his mommy for the first time tonight. When Lizard found out I wouldn’t be home, her first concern was that her brother would miss me, and then she promised to help keep him happy and said she’d hug him and kiss him and draw with him...

Day 2182

If you want to warm the cockles of your heart, take a toddler to IKEA and let them climb on the “big” kid beds. It makes them glow with happiness.

Day 2181

That feeling when your kid mentions the snappy crab dance to other people, and then tries to get you to demonstrate it to them.

Ha ha, no.

Day 2180

Lizard has developed an intense interest in helping make dinner. So far Chinchilla is happy to have the time to scribble in Lizard’s pre-k workbooks without having his pencil snatched away. However, I suspect it might be a good idea to start thinking up kitchen tasks that eighteen month old hands can do...

Day 2179

That feeling when your kid tells you that you are making her life much worse when you make her eat dinner.

Day 2178

When you’re getting annoyed with your kids for banging around when they should be sleeping... and then finally realizing the banging is actually from the thunderstorm outside...

Day 2178

Early speech is so delightful. Especially how exciting it is for the little one when they realize that you can understand what they’re trying to tell you.

But also when they start being able to tell you what noises animals make, and they sometimes get it wrong. Yup, owls definitely roar, buddy. It’s not terrifying at all.

Day 2177

After years of thinking my husband is a crazy person, I think I am starting to like running.

Bollocks.

Day 2176

Lizard has discovered a passion for writing letters, and it turns out Chinchilla is very happy to sit and draw beside his big sister, especially if he can clutch the colour she wants and have her try to woo it away from him. (“Mommy, can you help me interest Charlie? He won’t take the green pencil.”)

Chinchilla has also discovered that he can boop his own nose.

Day 2175

Chinchilla has developed the habit of bringing his sister toys or sitting with her while she’s in timeout for being mean to her brother.

Day 2174

According to Chinchilla, cows and cats say moo (or maybe more), sheep say baa, and all the other animals say roar.

Except roosters, which allegedly he is sometimes willing to concede say cockadoodledoo.

Day 2173

They finally re-opened the playground after an extensive overhaul; the kids wanted to play on the same old play structure that was there before, and I just wanted to explore all the new nature elements...

Day 2172

I asked Lizard to put her shoes away and Chinchilla did it for her. And so begins what I expect will be a looooong run of Lizard convincing her little brother to do her chores for her.

Day 2171

One of my favourite things about doing yoga with Lizard is her drive to invent (or get me to invent) new yoga poses. If anyone is interested in stop sign pose or van pose (a variation of car pose), let me know!

Day 2170

Lizard was desperate to participate in dinner-making, so it ended up being another one of those days where I was teaching a three year old technique for chopping, and then Husband joined in to tell her about browning.

Sometimes I wonder what on earth we are creating. I’m pretty excited to find out.

Day 2169

Lizard had one of her best possible days: running around outside, playing with friends, having a picnic, and eating chocolate cake.

Chinchilla discovered that the more kids that are around, the more likely it is that someone will steal his precious ball. He adopted a security ball, and just hugged it for much of the afternoon.

Day 2168

Apparently we need to work on rolling R’s. Lizard managed to turn sacré bleu into ‘Sac Des Bleux!’

I’m not really sure how hard I want to work to correct it though...

Day 2167

I look forward to the day when the babies can read to themselves and we can all sit in companionable silence reading our own books. Sometimes it is torture putting down my book to read one of their books for the hundredth time. But at least it’s torture with a side of snuggles.

Day 2166

Chinchilla gave a sneak preview of ‘no’. I expect he will bring it back for many many many many encores once it makes its official debut.

Day 2165

We were discussing holidays with Lizard so that I could ask what her favourite one is and why. Naturally, we had to provide a list of examples of holidays.

As it turns out, one of her favourites is Superhero Day. Which happens in “Devember”.

All in favour of Lizard choosing all the holiday names?

Day 2164

Lizard starts exploring portraiture; Chinchilla explores scraping half the skin off a finger and then protests bandaids.

Let’s just say I know whose interests I want to encourage.

Day 2163

Chinchilla is getting very good at repeating words back to us.

That said, the words would be absolutely unrecognizable without context.

Every once in a while he surprises us. Last night he very determinedly told me “night” when he was done with stories and wanted to be put to bed.

Day 2162

Introduced the babies to the sprinkler today. I shudder to think how cold it will be before Lizard will admit that it is too cold for playing in the sprinkler.

Day 2161

Today I learned that running doesn’t have to be a terrible, no good, very bad time.

Today I did extra running ON PURPOSE.

Day 2160

One of the most predictable things about babies is that they will do things you don’t expect.

Day 2159

We have a kid who can write her own name.

Day 2158

24 hour blood pressure monitors are still alarming for breastfeeding babies. Also a giant pain in the arse.

Day 2157

Dear Children,

Competing to see who can make the biggest mess is not an approved activity. Although Chinchilla gets points for primarily making a mess on his own face and hands. And also points because he’s pretty new to spoons.

Best Wishes,

Your Mother

Day 2156

When your kid says her ear hurts and that it sounds like a polar bear, you should probably get it looked at.

Day 2155

Today I learned Madonna music makes my daughter want to wiggle her butt. So now she’s opened up a whole new world of dance moves.

Day 2154

Going to a new grocery store is apparently pretty exciting when you’re a wee Lizard. Even more so when you get to ride around on your mommy’s shoulders, from whence you can apparently see EVERYTHING.

Day 2153

Chinchilla is now grown up enough to sort of share toys with a baby, and to pay her gently on the head when she was crying, and to say goodbye.

Day 2152

Nearly inconsolable and complaining of an “ear bug”: looks like Lizard has her second ear infection.

Day 2151

Teaching the three year old absurd colloquialisms and old expressions is one of my favourite things. And she thinks it’s funny that I think it’s funny, so everyone gets to enjoy themselves.

Day 2150

Chinchilla seems to be firmly of the opinion that every word starts with ‘b’, or at least ought to.

I am firmly of the opinion that babies shouldn’t be allowed to teethe and be sick at the same time. Choose one! And allow a decent interval between them!

Day 2149

That feeling when your kid yells “Neighbour! Can I come over?” And then finds at kid and abruptly disappears into your neighbours house.

Day 2148

Vacation is over; time for our feral children to get domesticated back into a routine.

Day 2147

He’s definitely ours: out of the dozen or so words he uses, two of Chinchilla’s words are ‘book’ and ‘read’.

Day 2146

Chinchilla Said his first sentence: make bubbles.

Day 2145

Trying to decide which part helps me survive the heat: sticking my feet in the kiddie pool periodically, or just being thoroughly distracted by enjoying watching the kids having THE BEST TIME in the kiddie pool.

Day 2144

The heat doesn’t seem so bad when you’re watching your kids shrieking with delight.

Also a breeze helps.

Day 2143

Lizard seems to have an endless stream of new words and phrases that sound absolutely absurd coming from a three year. Certainly!

Day 2142

Dear Cha Cha,

The way to make the tooth stop hurting is to actually grow the tooth. We want the tooth! The whole tooth! We can handle the tooth!!

Love,

Your Mother

Day 2141

I love taking my perpetual motion machine to the zoo, but sometimes I feel like we ought to put her on a leash.

Day 2140

Movie night is fun. Lizard hits an outrageous level of excitement... and then turns into a total zombie.

Day 2139

It’s an open question of who is more excited that Grandma is here: Lizard or the puppy. Bertram might have the edge right now, but Lizard hasn’t opened presents yet...

Day 2138

We took the baby gate down so we could prepare the spare room for Gramma’s arrival. Chinchilla assumed that it was bathroom rules, and was adorably staying in the hallway, but getting progressively sadder and more melodramatic about the fun he was missing. He was so excited when I told him he could come in... after first poking his toe in to make sure I wasn’t kidding.

Day 2137

Some days it feels like the hug you get when you pick kids up from daycare is the antidote to your work day.

Day 2136

Lizard explained to us that “sometimes daddies have quite big booboos, sometimes quite small booboos, and sometimes quite medium booboos.”

And then, “...what does ‘quite’ mean?”

She also told me I’m full of it.

Day 2135

Lizard, I’m pretty sure trying suggest to me that she should be allowed to eat gushers all the time, said that they had “fruit flavours!” And “protein!”

Really nice try, monkey. Still no.

Day 2134

Chinchilla had a weekend of new delights: he got to play with an exercise ball with his sister, had ice cream, and got to have dance parties. As dramatic as he is with sadness, he is just as energetic and exuberant when he is happy.

Day 2133

We’ve created an equivocating three year old.

Day 2132

Maybe comic sans is considered fancy in their particular home town, but I maintain it is not an appropriate font for a billing inquiry.

Day 2131

The snappy crab dance begins! Lizard starts out crablike and then gets overcome with enthusiasm and just jumps around; Chinchilla does a little stompy dance.

Day 2130

Lizard is adopting all sorts of odd phrases that she doesn’t quite know how to use and it is absolutely delightful.

“As far as I know, the zucchini didn’t fall out of my hands.”

Day 2129

Lizard is having another independent streak and it’s paying dividends. Now that she can dress herself, go to the bathroom by herself, read her bedtime story herself, and get herself water, we just have to teach her how to cook.

Day 2128

I turned on my laptop to renew library books and discovered baby pictures. It’s astonishing to see such familiar expressions in such tiny adorable faces.

Day 2127

I love watching the kids snuggling together, and really starting to play together... but it makes my heart explode seeing Lizard (without prompting), spotting her brother on the slide, and reading his favourite book to him.

Day 2126

Both kids seem to be working on language skills right now. It’s obvious that Chinchilla understands a tremendous amount (he knows which stuffie is the cuttlefish), and he’s trying to repeat more words that he thinks are important (like “dinner”).

Meanwhile... “He was being pretty good, actually. Until he grabbed my teddy from my hand, pulled my hair and bit my forehead.”

Day 2125

Delightful meals today: Lizard had “yucky charms” for breakfast (do we need to correct pronunciation on that?), Husband and I went to an Indian buffet for an impromptu lunch date, and then we picked up some bread on the way home and I had a slice as part of my dinnerette. Cause who needs dinner when you had piles and piles of delicious curry for lunch?

Day 2124

Chinchilla is almost sixteen months old and I think he knows which stuffies is the cuttlefish.

And Lizard says volcanoes have frightening fire and tend to be scary.

These kids are unceasingly amusing.

Day 2123

Learning how to aim your kids when they so badly want to be helpful is so important and sooooo good. Tiny kids being helpful is so adorable.

Day 2122

Lizard tending to her new teddy is pretty entertaining. She’s put it to bed several times, sung to it, taken it for piggyback rides (“Tarantara tarantara!”)... she told us yesterday that the teddy is sad because he wants her to be his mother, but she’s not. Luckily she loves him and takes care of him.

Meanwhile, Charlie continues to delight in getting his parents to burp his teddy.

Day 2121

On the weekend we foolishly bought a teddy bear for one kid at not the other. We bought another bear today (plus a couple spares!), and Lizard was super excited about having her ownbear, and was talking about having it in bed with her tonight. And then she told me she was going to share the bear with her brother! Even though he already has one! This kid has such a kind heart, it blows me away.

Day 2120

Got Chinchilla a teddy bear. His sister demonstrated interest in it, so of course he is now quite attached. He has been tugging our heartstrings by hugging it and not wanting to let it go.

Meanwhile, Lizard is working to develop the catchphrase “Oh my GOSH, mommy!”. I think she might have heard us laughing, so that’s never going away.

Day 2119

Having little kids means having to check your bed for books, toys, and small crumbs before you go to sleep.

2118

Chinchilla wore to bed jammies his big sister grew out of just a few months ago.

Lizard went to the bathroom without prompting, peed, wiped, and washed her hands all by herself. She asked for help putting the towel and her toilet seat away.

Odd things to feel sentimental about, perhaps... but my babies are getting so big!

Day 2118

If you’re going to buy a stationary bike, buy it right before the Tour de France. If you want to develop a habit, that’s the way to do it.

Day 2117

Lizard, wondering aloud whether Bertie will have had “a pooping accident” in his crate by the time we get home: “That wouldn’t be good at all! Then we would have to clean that whole mess up! Totally. Totally, man.”

Meanwhile, Chinchilla was playing with my face and put his mouth over my mouth and nose and drooled enthusiastically on me and I didn’t know until that moment that that’s a way you could die.

Day 2116

Emergency baths are not a good way to start the week. On the plus side, we are getting pretty efficient at dog bathing and crate and dog blanket and carpet cleaning.

Day 2115

The more tiny poopers you have in your house, the more you need to have an emergency backup lightning fast dinner option.

Luckily tonight Plan A was a fast one...

Day 2114

Chinchilla has started to discover the wonders of the zoo. If a large animal appears right in front of him, he gets very excited.

Also, he pulled cloths out of the laundry basket and “put them away” (in a toy box) for me. His tiny attempts at helpfulness are so adorable.

Day 2113

My babies are not built for global warming. I foresee buying sunscreen by the bucket.

Day 2112

Does it count as her dinner party if Lizard instructed us on who to invite for dinner and set the menu? Thankfully her actually suggestion was much more reasonable than the pretend food she prepared, which came with a drink: maple syrup with chocolate milk.

Day 2111

If you want to experience entropy, try tidying up while your kids are still awake.

Day 2110

My three year old should make podcasts. The whole thing could be her telling stories, making up songs, and explaining how she thinks the world works. She’s so wildly entertaining, and I want to share the joy.

Which probably just means I need to record her more often...

Day 2109

I gave Chinchilla his first haircut and now he has a tiny bob instead of a mullet.

Looked at some pictures of Lizard and about this age and she had a righteous mullet. Not sure how that slipped through unscathed...

Day 2108

Showed Lizard classic magic school bus and she was so engrossed I had to remind her to blink, or poke her in the nose to make her blink. Apparently the show holds up.

Day 2107

How to be a baby whisperer:

1. Try different stuff. If it makes the baby cry louder, stop doing it. If it makes the baby cry quieter, do it until they fall asleep or they start crying louder again.

2. Don’t mind when they scream in your face.

Day 2106

Chinchilla has suddenly discovered the wonderful world of being read to and I am so excited for all the snuggling.

Day 2105

I’ll be very happy when our kids are well-rested again, and don’t have the overtired size bucket of feelings... but I will miss the snuggles.

Day 2104

Lizard asked how old her brother was when he was not born. When I ended up talking a little about pregnancy, she wanted to know why babies spend so much time in their mummy’s tummies when there aren’t toys in there.

Because they are busy kicking their mummies right in the organs, obviously.

Day 2103

Our kids seem to be stuck in a level of overtired that makes them very silly and very affectionate. I’m stocking up on snuggles and giggles and kisses.

Day 2102

It’s lucky for us that Lizard’s overtiredness mostly seems to manifest as profound and unrelenting silliness.

Also, our baby girl is suddenly tall enough to reach the tap, and it’s opened up a whole new world of possibilities for her. <music swells>. How do these tiny babies grow up so fast?!

Day 2101

We got a friendly reminder: don’t talk about stuff you don’t want the sponge to repeat, even if she doesn’t seem to be listening. She’s saving it for later.

Day 2100

Every time we take the kids on a plane, we learn more things not to do. Thank goodness we have such good kids who make our rookie mistakes turn out okay.

Today I learned that if you sprint through an airport terminal with a toddler in your arms, people stay out of your way.

Day 2099

Toddlers can usually be counted on to break the tension. Usually they don’t use their face.

Day 2098

I was irritated with the universe for starting to rain just as we actually got everyone’s shoes and coats on... until the light rain turned to flash flooding and lots of thunder. Funny how your perspective can shift so fast.

Day 2097

How to exhaust a Lizard: have her march 7 or 8k on a hot day at the zoo. Also effective for moms.

Day 2096

The cousins snuggling together to watch movies is one of my favourites.

Day 2095

I get the feeling that in a few years when we visit her cousins, Lizard will end up having an energetic discussion about book recommendations with them and then they will all sit in companionable reading silence.

It’s harder to tell just yet about Chinchilla... but right now it seems like he might find a way to work in some snuggling.

Day 2094

Today Lizard got a taste of the freedom of running loose with older cousins, and Chinchilla discovered the joys of having an entire room of toys to himself.

Day 2093

Dear offspring,

If you want to wake up unreasonably early, please submit your request in triplicate two weeks in advance.

Day 2092

Apparently Lizard can maintain that level of enthusiasm for days...

Day 2091

First rule of three year olds: never tell them about vacation in advance.

Day 2090

Almost eight years after moving here and we’re finally get a proper winnipeg thunderstorm.

Miraculously, the babies are sleeping through it.

Day 2089

I think Lizard reacts to bookstores the same way she would to a candy store: with extreme enthusiasm. Only in a bookstore you get to sample the wares before you buy them.

I wonder how long it will take her to figure out that different people have different taste in books.

Day 2088

Our cheerful little Lizard was reportedly cranky all afternoon. Got her home, checked her temp, and yup... kid had a hefty fever. No surprise there. The kid seems incapable of maintaining a bad mood for that long unless she’s sick or really overtired. Luckily she perked up after some Tylenol, and was demanding I tell her the names of all the scary monsters.

Day 2087

If your baby is grumpy, just give him a spoon and a small gib of yogurt. Now all his problems will be solved, and all your problems will be yogurt.

Day 2086

In which Chinchilla discovered that sandboxes are super fun as long as your sister is playing beside you, and that post-bath yoga can be quite revelatory.

Day 2085

Lizard, on picking her clothes: “I assume it’s warm enough for shorts today.”

Lizard, upon finding a hole in my shirt: “I think it’s almost time to retire this shirt, mommy. We should retire it on Sunday.”

It’s nice Lizard was being hilarious and/or eyebrow raising today. It helps balance out the “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” running in my brain because of Chinchilla’s fever.

Day 2084

Some days you giggle with your three year old because you’re having fun saying moose in silly ways. Some days you explain levels of government to the three year old.

Some days your one year old needs all the snuggles you can spare.

Day 2083

Lizard has now officially been invited to a friend’s house, and has invited friends over to our house. I feel like we might have to start keeping our house a little cleaner.

Day 2082

Apparently Chinchilla hates bubbles.

Or at least, he hates wasting bubble wands on making bubbles when they could be used for their highest and best use... soapy chewing.

Brandishing is also pretty high on his list.

Day 2081

Today Lizard and a friend from daycare played Maleficient and Aurora go to the doctor.

And she told me a story that began “once upon a time...” and it had a “they lived happily” in the middle. It was about our family, and how we eat meals, go to bed, and go to daycare all by ourselves.

I think we need to read her a pile more fairy tales and fill her up with the conventions and tropes.

Day 2080

Listening to Lizard “read” books aloud to herself is the best. It’s astonishing how much she remembers, and entertaining to discover which bits are the most important for her.

She didn’t want to go to daycare and play with her friends this morning, she just wanted to read books by herself. Same, dude. Same.

Day 2079

I love taking Lizard for walks. She strides off as if we’re embarking on a grand adventure, even when we’re just walking down the street.

Chinchilla is experimenting with crying to get his way. He’s remarkably cheerful about it not working. He just flashes a smile and then goes about his business.

Day 2078

Lizard is a little obsessed with yoga, and will make up her own yoga poses and then try to make us do them too. And then she asks what the name of the pose is.

Chinchilla has apparently picked up a few things and if he’s feeling cooperative, will slip into downward dog when we ask him if he can do yoga.

Day 2077

Lizard on Snow White: “It’s very nice of that queen to give Snow White that apple!”

The other day she also remarked that it wasn’t very nice of the little red hen to not share her bread with the other animals.

...I’m beginning to think we have overemphasized the value of sharing.

Day 2076

Our house has too many big buckets of feelings. If anyone is in need of a big bucket of feelings, we will gladly share some.

Day 2075

Chinchilla has figured out nodding for yes and his earnest little nods melt my heart.

Day 2074

Dear Babies,

You don’t actually have to save up your feelings to use at once, together. That just makes your parents have feelings, and that is TOO MANY FEELINGS for one house.

Have you considered meditation?

Best Wishes,

Your Mother

Day 2073

You know it’s bad when even I know that I need to stay to stay home sick.

Day 2072

I would not recommend reading Bridge to Terabithia if you’re already sick and have a runny nose.

I wonder if that book will ever not make me cry. I strongly suspect that the last time I cry when reading it will also be the last time I read it.

Day 2071

Someone should write a book about if you promise a mouse a cookie and then don’t deliver.

It will be a horror picture book for parents.

Day 2070

We introduced our daughter to Barbie and when you see the way she looks at this doll you get a glimpse of the avalanche of worms we just triggered.

Day 2069

Dogs: Now with Catastropoops!

Still not enough poop?!

Try APOCAPOOPS™!!!

Dissatisfaction guaranteed!

Day 2068

I would not recommend taking a one year old and a three year old with you to get a new car. They do not have enough patience to get through all the paperwork.

On the plus side, our ‘ban’ has enough room for our kids and all their accoutrements!

Day 2067

If you need to muster up enthusiasm for a project, find yourself a three year old.

Day 2066

I’m really enjoying our kids at their current ages. Chinchilla walks really well but is still super pleased with his newfound ability to carry stuff while walking. And his attempts at talking are super adorable.

And Lizard... sometimes I just look at her in wonder. What’s blessing to have made this delightful little weirdo.

Day 2065

Apparently if you take a kid on an exciting adventure to the mall and then fill them with Denny’s they will nap HARD.

I don’t think we’ve ever had it take that long to get Lizard up from a nap (and even then, it was only because her brother drooled on her face! When we asked him to give her a kiss!)... and then she promptly fell back asleep in her daddy’s arms.

Sadly, it did not have as thorough an effect on Chinchilla.

Day 2064

If you let your daughter wear a fancy dress, she will want to try on all her fancy dresses before deciding which one she’ll wear. She’ll want to wear a necklace. She’ll want braids in her hair. And she’ll want to wear fancy shoes.

Much like giving a mouse a cookie, telling a daughter she can wear a fancy dress opens a big damn can of worms.

Day 2063

Hopefully Lizard learned an important lesson today: no naps means no movies.

Maybe now she’ll nap every day until she starts school...

Day 2062

It seems fun having grow into boxes as an adult when they’re actually shrink into boxes and you actually get to bring stuff out of them.

Day 2061

One of my favourite parts of the day is when Lizard tells me about her day. Storytime with Lizard!

Day 2060

Lizard, asking the big questions: Can motorcycles be naked?

And then she told me my pants were naked.

Meanwhile, Charles has started saying “Buppabuppabuppabuppa!” when he wants someone to pick him up, so that’s pretty much the most adorable thing ever.

Day 2059

One of my favourite developmental milestones is when they start to understand you enough to do what you tell them to.

Day 2058

Sometimes I wonder if we’re raising a little troll or an evil genius. She told me she dropped her kids (one doll, one stuffed raccoon) off at witch school so they would become mean witches and scare all of us, and then she laughed manically and left the room.

She’s getting alarmingly good at evil laughs.

Day 2057

Dear Canada,

Someday your Eurovision will come.

In the meantime though, Icelandic commercials make me happy, and obviously superior to whatever we’d get actually watching it on tv.

Day 2056

When your eldest child starts singing to her little brother about squishing his little farties out while bicycling his legs, you have probably succeeded as a parent.

Day 2055

It’s THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST!

Indoctrination time!

Day 2054

Lizard was pretty much at full bananas all night except when she was being read to. Charlie discovered the joys of throwing (dropping) a ball and then chasing after it. So now we just have to convince his sister not to take away the toy he’s really enjoying...

<deep breaths>

Day 2053

Chinchilla got pretty good at knowing where we didn’t want him crawling around. Unfortunately, he is very hard to convince that he’s not allowed to walk into those same places. As far as he’s concerned, everyone else is allowed to saunter into the kitchen, so he can too!

And he’s very pleased with himself for figuring out that loophole.

Day 2052

Lizard seems to thrive (or at least go completely bananas) with lots of outdoor play. I suspect I’m going to spend a lot of time under the sprinkler trying to survive the summer...

Day 2051

I feel like one of the best things about having a village to help raise your kids would be having a better idea of when you need to be concerned when your kid is sick. Now everything is concerning. So I stomp on my feelings until I start getting concerned that I am over-correcting...

Day 2050

It makes it much harder to overrule your three year old when she says things like “But I would prefer to wear this one.”

Day 2049

In my latest attempt to de-fang Lizard’s imaginary beasts, I suggested that maybe they need to go to finishing school to learn manners if they’re going to be so rude.

I’m pretty stoked to have tea parties with lions and tigers and bears.

Day 2048

The three year old wants to start saving for her retirement.

And then retire to the mall.

I support exactly one of these initiatives.

Day 2047

Parenting situations I had not anticipated: having to tell your kid they need to be less affectionate with their sibling. I also did not expect that telling a kid they can’t kiss their sibling goodnight would make them cry.

Day 2046

If you stay up late giggling about silly dog names, the universe will punish you by having your kid poop themselves awake in the middle of the night, and then you get to clean it up without your glasses on.

...probably still worth it.

Day 2045

Sometimes yoga is nap yoga, and sometimes yoga is murder yoga.

Day 2044

We pointed out the golden boy to her, and Lizard asked if that little boy was pretending to be part of the roof.

Day 2043

Chinchilla has pretty much abandoned crawling. He’s discovered the joys of carrying things while moving around. He picks something up (the bigger the better) and then walks around with it exuding joy from every pore.

Day 2042

I was doing nap yoga and was suddenly struck by the movement of the muscles under my skin. What marvellous machines we are.

Day 2041

Apparently our daughter likes to do her own thing rather than follow others.

I’m SHOCKED.

Day 2040

Our son has officially given up on crawling and just walks/sidles now. Even when he’s sad. Crying Chinchilla sidle is a sight to behold.

Day 2039

Lizard mostly seems to have moved past being a picky eater, and the memories of some of that frustration and anxiety are starting to fade. Which makes it that much stranger when you hear about kids who are way pickier than Lizard ever was...

Day 2038

Our dog should volunteer as an amateur therapy dog for people that like bouncing and snuggling.

Day 2037

She’s three, and I’m already starting to wonder if I’ll have trouble keeping up with this kid when she’s grown up. I already feel like I need to learn more to be able to answer the questions that are likely coming.

Day 2036

L: “Oh no! I can’t find my pretend towel!”

Luckily, she remembered where her pretend cupboard was when I suggested she check there for a pretend towel.

Day 2035

Dear Baby,

I thought we had an agreement: I put you to sleep, and you stay asleep until morning. Please adjust your behaviour to accord with these terms.

Best Wishes,

Your Mother

Day 2034

I don’t know if it’s because having kids has broken my brain or if it’s lingering fondness for teddies, but if my daughter leaves out on of her stuffies by accident, I feel compelled to tuck it in somewhere cozy.

Day 2033

Chinchilla is really excited about having hands available while he walks around. So far he likes banging (stirring?) a spoon around in a pot or taking his two favourite books for strolls.

Day 2032

The whys are getting more ridiculous. Why is the federal government based in Ottawa? Why did that man sing ‘bum bum bum?’

Vocabulary and speech mannerisms are also getting more ridiculous. I asked if she was okay with me running downstairs quickly to grab something and she said “you may”. Alrighty then.

Day 2031

The baby, once again displaying the uncanny ability that all babies seem to have of knowing when their parents most need to get a decent night’s sleep, elected to scream instead of sleep.

Somebody should study these uncanny little imps.

Day 2030

The baby is already discovering that if he doesn’t use his hands to hold onto furniture when he’s walking around, he can use them to hold STUFF. And he can bring stuff to his parents assign them tasks: read me a story; put these blocks together for me. He’s very excited about being able to boss the big people around in more specific ways.

Day 2029

  It is remarkably hard to adjust to the idea that a teddy bear I had as a little kid is now suddenly a girl.

And a girl who’s nickname (Wilhelmina) is longer than her name (Willy).

Kids are weird.

And insistent.

Day 2028

One of my favourite things is teaching Lizard weird expressions. Today I got her to yell “we don’t truck with that nonsense!” at an imaginary monster.

Day 2027

Chinchilla discovered the world of unassisted walking today and he’s absolutely delighted with the possibilities. Unfortunately, he’s so excited he seems to want to rush around everywhere and dive head first into things....

Time to get all the ice packs ready to go...

Day 2026

Dinner conversations get much more entertaining and much weirder when you have a curious and imaginative three year old with an outrageous vocabulary. If we were eating by ourselves, Husband and I would likely be telling each other about things we read on the Internet. The toddler alternative is much more amusing.

Although we’re doomed once she gets interested in American politics.

Day 2025

We were making dinner (“shrimp dinner”, as someone has been demanding for a week... and then it turned out we made the wrong shrimp dinner) when Lizard suddenly announced that she was dead. Apparently she had a fatal encounter with a squirrel.

And then during dinner, she told me a beast tried to eat my hand, but she scared it away (“say thank you, mommy”), and now the beast is sick because he ate too many people and so he’s going to eat leaves instead. And then a tiger stole our cookies, so she gave it a good talking to. And then a ghost tried to steal our cookies even though ghosts don’t eat cookies. And then a nightmare are our cookies, which wasn’t very nice. And then the tiger came back and she did a “ferocious roar” and scared it away.

So her imagination is coming along nicely...

Day 2024

Wearing an ambulatory blood pressure monitor and trying to wrangle small children is not a happy combination.

Day 2023

Sometimes having two kids is exhausting. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes it’s stressful and aggravating.

And then my two babies snuggle each other, or start giggling like maniacs while playing with each other... and I think. We’re GENIUSES.

Day 2022

Words to strike fear into a parent’s heart when their kid is sitting on the toilet: “something has gone wrong!”

Day 2021

How to tell if your toddler is ready for bed:

-They rub their eyes
-Their playing is more subdued than usual and/or they are running around like a maniac
-They have several extra helpings of feelings
-They tell you repeatedly how tired their dolls/stuffies are
-They totally pass out sitting on a parent’s lap during movie night when their parent was not attempting to put them to sleep.

Day 2020

Every once in a while, you are reminded of the things that you say in front of your kids without meaning to, and probably shouldn’t.

Usually because they say them loudly. In public.

Day 2019

That feeling when the dog bed you ordered arrived in the mail, and your small child is chasing the dog trying to convince him to lie down by yelling excitedly about the dog bed...

Day 2018

I’m excited for Chinchilla to be better at walking so that when Lizard tries to drag him around behind her, he won’t fall on his head quite so often.

And we won’t have to yell at her not to pull her brother by the head/arm, because he’ll probably be chasing after her on his own.

Day 2017

Conversations with the three year old continue to get more hilarious. I got a serious lecture yesterday for dancing in the bathroom.

“Yes, you *should* know better. *I* know better. It’s too dangerous! You should never dance in the bathroom again! You’re just not listening...”

Day 2016

It’s so fun watching our little babies playing together more and more, and seeing how much they amuse each other. I’m excited for when Chinchilla is a little sturdier on his feet, and doesn’t get accidentally bowled over quite so often. And when he starts to talk more, and the two of them can chatter like little magpies.

It’s crazy to think that people who only have one kid never get to witness this.

Day 2015

Hid Easter eggs for the kids, so I think I’m officially a parent now. Or do I have to wait until I cause one or more child crippling embarrassment?

Day 2014

So far Lizard thinks Easter is about staying home and colouring together. Her little mind will be blown when the chocolate comes out.

Meanwhile, Chinchilla continues to be totally unimpressed by desserts. Somehow I don’t think he’ll be quite as stoked about the rest of the weekend as his sister.

Day 2013

Can’t not sleep. Sleeps will eat me.

Day 2012

Lizard has started taking her little brother for walks. She’s so excited about it that she tries to drag him to his feet to pull him around behind her.

He’s mostly excited about it too. Mostly.

Day 2011

Sometimes I wonder if other parents have as much fun as I do teaching their kids to say weird stuff that, for example, you do not expect to hear from a three year old.

Or that are just silly, ridiculous words. Like gadzooks.

Day 2010

Arrived at daycare for pickup and the wrong baby was crying.

Welcome to the land of nosebleeds, sweetheart. I recommend finding somewhere else to hang out.

Also, both babies needing mommy at the same time keeps getting more interesting as their combined weight appproaches 50 wriggly pounds. Maybe I need to start doing some arm curls with really obese cats to get in better shape for this...

Day 2009

A three year old’s imagination combined with great language skills is a really fantastic, hilarious adventure.

Day 2008

That feeling when the baby steals your glasses and you realize your head is only slightly wider than a one year old’s...

Day 2007

Chinchilla and I both survived my first week back at work. But we both need lots of snuggle time.

Day 2006

Third time was not the charm; Chinchilla still does not approve of cake. Luckily his sister is willing to make up for that.

Day 2005

Our little boy is one! We are so lucky to have such sweet funny little kiddos, who are starting to learn to play with each other (although the most successful playing seems to involve wrestling rather than toys). It was a bit of a trying day for the adults in the house, trying to maneuver around water main breaks and doctors appointments, but the silliness and snuggliness of our little goofballs really helped turn things around (also the water getting turned back on, and the prospect of a shower in the morning).

Love you, little monkey.

Day 2004

It had already occurred to me that our basement is likely to flood around Chinchilla’s birthday every year; I was not expecting the flooding in our street from a burst supply line.

I’m sorry, little one. I’ll try to give you enough hugs to make up for the shenanigans.

Day 2003

First day abandoning all the babies and going back to work. No explosions, but I did have to very clingy babies at the end of the day.

Day 2002

And so ends my last day before going back to being a working mom.

Hopefully Chinchilla gets over his feelings of abandonment quickly, cause I have a feeling I’m going to need his cooperation and snuggles...

Day 2001

I’m looking forward to giving Chinchilla cake on his actual birthday; his first introduction to birthday cake made him cry. We’ll try again with more naps.

Day 2000

We’ve already made it to the bound paper dayiversary (or: an excuse to buy more books)! We also watched The Sword in the Stone with our littles, and gave Chinchilla some extra snuggles. He’s happy as a clam at daycare, but wants us to know when he gets home that he knows we must have been having fun without him and he doesn’t like it.

It was also my last weekday of mat leave. Despite the resulting stew of feelings, it was a good day.

Happy Dayiversary, Neil. Here’s to many thousands more!

Day 1999

Counting down...

Day 1998

Two last days left: one last day with my baby, and then one last day without him.

Day 1997

Good news and wine and baby snuggling and ongoing thankfulness for just how very lucky we are with neighbours.

Day 1996

It was the baby’s first full day of daycare and he and his sister had 45 minutes of nap between them.

Would not recommend.

In other news, I used a bunch of not taking care of baby time to make the basement readier for flooding than it has ever been. I hope that means the powers that be decide not to flood the basement.

Day 1995

Lizard woke up sobbing about 20 minutes before the time change and woke up the whole house. She kept me up for a couple hours while I tried to help her recover from her woes (“something must be bugging me!” “There’s something in my teeth!” “My ear is bugging me!”). She was projecting a pile of fear and anxiety onto her stuffy and me (“polar bear needs a hug!” “It’s okay Mommy, I’m here. I’ll protect you!”). Eventually we both got some sleep.

The good news is, if your kid has nightmares the night of the time change, she’s too tired to care about the resulting schedule shift and will happily sleep through all of it.

Day 1994

Dear Lizard,

It is very sweet that you thought to try to sing to your brother when he was crying, but next time please listen when we tell you to just stay quiet and read your book until he settles down on his own. We know how this works. Singing turns to giggles, and gigglemonsters don’t nap.

Best Wishes,

Your Mother

Day 1993

For his first unassisted walking, the baby took several little sidesteps in a row... and then refused to repeat the performance so his daddy could see.

I suspected his long nap yesterday was doing more than changing his little face...

Day 1992

Today my three year old asked me to explain the word paradise to her.

And the baby woke up from one of his longest ever naps and when he woke up, his little face looked different than it did when I put him to bed.

He still won’t walk though.

Day 1991

Our baby tried to do a chin-up on the dinner table; he managed to get both feet off the floor.

Luckily our toddler is helping us “monitor the Charlie situation”.

Day 1990

The secret to having your baby start daycare is distraction. And remember that you don’t have to make and feed the baby lunch.

Day 1989

We may have spent more time trying to get two and from the daycare than Chinchilla actually spent at the daycare today, but he has still officially begun his transition to being a daycare baby instead of a hermit baby.

Which also means I need to start preparing myself to not be total hermit anymore...

Day 1988

That feeling when you bump into something and spill the baby’s food... and your toddler talks to you sternly and tells you she wants you to be more careful next time.

Day 1987

The babies are being weirdly cooperative about sharing a room. I am cautiously optimistic... but also anticipating impending doom.

Parenthood: hope for the best, expect/prepare for the worst.

Day 1986

The babies are sleeping in their own room.

I don’t know what to say except...

The babies are sleeping in their own room.

Day 1985

Lizard was “a little bit grumpy” and needed a hug. Then announced that the hug didn’t stop her being grumpy...but maybe a story would? And then she just kept telling me that she was still grumpy and needed more stories.

You think you’re tricking me kid, but I’m getting free snuggles out of this.

Chinchilla was also darn full of feelings. I got lots of clutching monkey hugs from him today. But also made him cry actual tears because I wouldn’t let him climb on top of the coffee table.

His angry face made some progress. Still has a ways to go.

Day 1984

Chinchilla approves of the rearrangement in Lizard’s room. He’s having so much fun playing in there, especially now that he’s figured out how to climb into the toy chest.

Even with all the changes, he’s doing well napping in that room. Now we just have to convince him to nap for long enough that he doesn’t turn into a holy grumpy terror.

Day 1983

Rearranged Lizard’s room to be the kids’ room. Full of trepidation.

And how did my babies get so big, so fast?

Day 1982

And we’re into the 5+ puzzles. Hopefully we didn’t overshoot... it would be a pity to dampen that vast enthusiasm.

Day 1981

It’s so nice having a kid who thinks errands are actually fun expeditions. It kinda turns them into fun expeditions.

Day 1980

We watched Despicable Me with Lizard today. I asked her what her favourite part was, expecting something about minions (or possibly unicorns). Nope. She picked the most ordinary, everyday part of the movie:

“Gru! When Gru goes with the little girls to dance class!”

Day 1979

Today when Lizard got home she asked if she could do a puzzle (as she has done every day for the last many days). She then proceeded to do every puzzle she has, some of them more than once, while we were making dinner.

We need to get more puzzles...

Day 1978

Lizard has been experimenting with sounds. She replaces some of the sounds in words (resulting in what I think is my favourite made-up baby name of all time: Tatophony), makes silly noises, and finally... has apparently started developing her own language. Even odds whether the purpose is to be silly or to be obstreperous.

Meanwhile, I’m beginning to wonder what will happen first: Chinchilla starting to walk, or him getting just tall enough that he can climb up onto the couch, the coffee table, his sister’s bed...etc. We may need to get that kid some ankle weights...

Day 1977

The baby has definitely figured out he can reach higher if he climbs onto something to get a boost. Cool it, little monkey! At least wait until you have the balance to walk before you climb all over everything.

Day 1976

The obsession with puzzles continues. This evening Lizard turned all the pieces of one of her puzzles upside down and put it together like that.

Day 1975

We’ve been having conversations with Lizard for ages, but it was wonderful watching her participate in conversation with a tableful of people. She was even speaking loudly enough that people could hear her (when they were paying attention at least)!

Also, kinda enjoying team fitness in the house. It’s encouraging having a buddy... and, we can now both exercise AT THE SAME TIME. Revolutionary!

Day 1974

Lizard’s imaginary play involves lots of “fiery bolcanoes” right now. Luckily, she can apparently stop eruptions by yelling “STOP BOLCANO!” (although she agrees with her Auntie’s suggestion that next time she try saying please). If that doesn’t work, you have to run away while screaming “AHHHH BOLCANO!”, and then you punch the rocks.

Also, she’d like to ride whale. So she’s going to go to the ocean, find a whale and say please. And the whale will say yes, and off they’ll go.

And she’s decided that her little brother dreams about octopi.

Day 1973

That feeling when you tell your kid you’re going to shower and she comes and gives you a little hug, looks you dead in the eye and says “Be brave, okay?”

WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T?!?!

Day 1972

Chinchilla has discovered puffing out his cheeks and blowing and it is one of my new favourite things.

Lizard has discovered a sudden and intense passion for jigsaw puzzles, and we might be in trouble already...

Day 1971

Dear Baby,

You are a human, not a monkey. Please act accordingly. Climbing should be strictly limited to ropes, trees, ladders, and mountains. And absolutely should wait until you’re older.

Love,

Your Mother

Day 1970

It feels like the baby is moments away from sprouting three new teeth, and from taking his first steps.

And apparently that means he’s too excited to nap or to poop on a regular schedule.

(Could also be related to his cold. Unlikely though, right?)

Day 1969

Babies are so good at finding things they shouldn’t have that today Chinchilla found a thingamabob that neither Husband nor I recognize. We’re not even sure what it is. We’ve lived here for years, and he’s finding things we didn’t even know existed. For all we know, he could have apparated it into existence; that would make about as much sense.

Day 1968

There ought to be a law of nature that parents can’t get sick until their kids are old enough to be at least moderately self-sufficient.

Day 1967

I’m not really sure how I feel about my three year old telling me to “stop horsing around”.
Especially since I was sitting on the couch watching the baby play at the time.

Also, we made the baby super overtired today. When the cranky baby gets cranking, I have to remind myself that:

1. It’s not his fault he didn’t get enough sleep (this time, anyway...)

2. Remember when you took the sleeping baby out of his car seat and he kept sleeping on your shoulder and you got snuggles? Yeaaaaaaaaah.

Day 1966

It takes waaaaay more will power to say ‘no, you can’t watch another episode’ when they’re snuggling with you while they watch.

And also if they’re watching the magic school bus.

Day 1965

Got a haircut and turned my twisted, tangled blob of hair into nice smooth flattering lines.

Lizard: “Mommy, your hair is messy! Who are you?”

I expect she’ll become much more appreciative once I let her brush it.

Day 1964

Lizard stayed home with me today. It was our first quiet day at home for a while, and it was fun to see how she’s developed. She’s getting better at developing an eye for jigsaw puzzles, she’s memorized parts of library books we’ve only read a handful of times.

And the imagination... good gravy. We scared off a vast assortment of beasts: a horrible, horrible, horrible beast, a cranky beast, a baby beast, a panda beast, a zebra beast, a wildebeest beast (admittedly my suggestion), several mouse beasts of varying sizes and familial relationships, and even a slipper beast wearing slippers. She was also briefly a sister beast who was worried because she lost her ring. And then she and I were the mommy king and the daddy king who to the beast’s kingdoms to rescue her brother.

Chinchilla has officially decided that chasing games are the best, so I think he’ll be pretty stoked to be assigned roles in Lizard’s beast games for a while.

Assuming she can figure out how to tackle him more gently...

Day 1963

Chinchilla has discovered that if he climbs up to a parent sitting on the couch the dangerous way (standing on the arm of his sister’s foam coach), he will always get picked up.

He’s also discovering that crying when we say ‘no’ does not change the answer to ‘yes’. He’s still testing that theory though.

Day 1962

The bedtime routine now includes practicing blowing bubbles in water. What could go wrong with a little plastic container filled with water around a tired three year old?

Day 1961

Never even joke about your kids being able to look after themselves or they will promptly fall on their faces.

Day 1960 (bonus)

...and the second day in a row that Chinchilla answered a question in the affirmative by saying “YEAH YEAH YEAH”. So maybe that’s a thing now?

Day 1960

Babies and toddlers can smell the desperation when you need them to nap. And why would they want to sleep through desperation?!

And then they behave themselves nicely even without naps, and you realize all the internal screaming was unnecessary.

Day 1959

If you need a stark reminder of how teeny your kid is, sign them up for swimming lessons.

Day 1958

It’s disconcerting to watch Groundhog Day and for there to be scenes that you don’t recognize because the version you watched so very many times was cut down for TV. It just feels wrong! The movie should be the same as it was last time. And the time before. And the time before that. And the time before that. And the time before that...

Day 1957

Lizard was “fixing” her “broken” dinosaur with a screwdriver this morning. I introduced the concept of doctors giving stitches, and she’d stitched up a row of dinosaurs before she left for daycare.

I forgot one of the Universal Laws of Babies: the stickier the lunch, the more their hands are attracted to their hair.

Day 1956

It seems like the babies play with each other more and more every day, and it is such a joy to watch Chinchilla’s delight in his big sister. He’ll learn to walk just so he can chase after her and try to share in her fun.

Day 1955

Chinchilla is not the youngest baby anymore! Lizard has already decided that she’s going to give her new cousin three toys. I don’t think she knows which ones, she just knows there will be three.

Day 1954

Finding new ways to make the baby giggle is one of my favourite hobbies.

Day 1953

Dear Daughter,

If you’re pretending to hop like a bunny while going up stairs, and you slip, hit the floor, bite into your lip, and start bleeding all over the place...I would not recommend LATER THAT SAME DAY trying to hop up the stairs like a bunny.

You might make your mother’s head explode.

Love,

Your Mother

Day 1952

Life would be immeasurably better if tired babies would just sleep, and hungry babies would just eat. Why do I have to coax you and trick you into doing what you want to do?!?!

Day 1951

We watched Bambi with Lizard (and Chinchilla! His first movie!) tonight. She did not at all clue in to anything happening to Bambi’s Mom... but she is now quite concerned about forest fires. And wanted to confirm before going to bed that we are safe from forest fires.

Day 1950

Chinchilla is learning about being contrary and exploiting loopholes.

He knows he’s not allowed to crawl into the bathroom, so he’s trying to walk in.

When I tell him no, that he should not crawl into the room he’s going into, he’ll stop, look at me... and then race off into the room as fast as his limbs can carry him. And then he giggles like mad when I pick him up.

And maybe... a first word that isn’t a mamamama/dadadada noise? Banana = a na-na!

Day 1949

Our dog’s neediness can be a little frustrating, but boy does he ever make up for it with our kiddos. He has the patience of a saint for little grabby hands. If reincarnation is a thing, that dude is coming back as a mother-flamingoing unicorn.

Day 1948

The baby seems really committed to the ludicrous notion that he only needs one nap. After he’s finished his morning pooping, and has had lunch.

Apparently morning naps and morning poopings are not compatible.

Day 1947

NO NAP MONDAYS ARE NOT A THING!

Day 1946

The baby might be teaching himself to fall asleep on his own, just so that we have the chance to have a little giggle party after the bedtime nurse. If so, I’m totally on board.

Day 1945

My three year old likes saying “I would prefer not to”.

And apparently swimming lesson exhaustion does not pair well with bladder control.

Day 1944

Insufficient naps and head bonks for all the babies!

Babies: I’m not saying the lack of naps caused the head bonks, but the correlation is strong enough that you might want to make sure you get enough naps... just to be safe.

Day 1943

Baby jails (“playpens”) are the best. Chinchilla has had waaaay fewer head bonks than Lizard had. And he’s spent enough time standing and cruising around in jail that I can let him loose around furniture without serious incident. There are some advantages to being the second child.

Day 1942

When we only had one kid, we didn’t have to worry about the kid getting hit in the head with a bicycle.

With one kid, the rule was ‘no bikes in the bathroom’ and now I guess we need ‘dont Carry your bike near your brother’s head’.

Day 1941

The debate begins! Is he saying mama to me? Dad’s to you? Just making noises? When can we make this official?!?!

Day 1940

Lizard has discovered a super effective delaying tactic during meals: say she has to pee and/or poo. The trouble is, we can’t not take her because she keeps actually doing what she says she has to do. But seriously... how much pee can one tiny girl even hold?!

Day 1939

I wonder if everyone has this much fun talking to their three year olds, or whether our kid’s language skills crossed with bananas three year old make it extra entertaining.

Day 1938

Lizard had her first swimming lesson! Now we can start to find out whether being a water baby is genetic.

In related news, we found a really efficient way to thoroughly tire out our daughter.

Day 1937

Universal Law of Parenting #816: When you find a new meal that is (reasonably) fast, healthy, delicious, and made from things that your kids normally likes, then it is decreed that if you love it, your kids will hate it.

Day 1936

Chinchilla is in a perfect storm of development: he’s growing, he has teeth coming in, he’s afraid of being abandoned, and his needs are getting more complicated but he can’t communicate them. Poor guy is exhausted but doesn’t want to be left alone... and is frustrated when he’s around people because he can’t tell them what he wants.

I feel sorry for the poor little guy, but I’m also getting pretty fed up with being yelled at.

Day 1935

Had a French vocabulary test while I was chopping veggies for dinner. We got some French books out of the library for Lizard, including a ‘first words’ picture book. She was flipping through it and for each page would say “what’s the nother word for <_____>?”. And I’d tell her, and she’d say thank you (and if I didn’t say you’re welcome fast enough she’d say THANK YOU louder), and flip to the next page.

So that’s one way to brush up on your French.

Day 1934

The relaxing day of yoga is much less relaxing when the baby tries to cry through it instead of napping. (He did eventually fall asleep, and I did eventually sort of relax.)

But even better than relaxing yoga, I got really tremendous hugs from both my babies today - although at the time, one was asking to be called Mister Astronaut.

Day 1933

Chinchilla might be starting to understand ‘No’, which might make life a little easier... even if his response to hearing it is a tremendous pout.

Day 1932

We took Lizard on her first two excursions without diapers, and they were both a huge success.

She wasn’t terribly concerned about the Christmas tree coming down, but she definitely wasn’t a fan of having pine needles EVERYWHERE. (She liked them much more when they were all sitting around the tree and she could “help” sweep them up).

Got some French books out of the library and she’s SO into them. 

Chinchilla was showing off his waving skills. I think he’s seriously considering adopting “Hi!” as his first word.

Day 1931

Chatting with Lizard is getting so fun. She comes up with such fantastic, hilarious things. Sometimes it takes some leading questions, and sometimes she pops right out with totally random stuff. I love the food words she strings together to describe the meals she makes for us. Today Husband got to eat “orange ice cream with muffin in it”.

Bertie has officially fallen for the baby. He wants to stay in the room with him while he’s sleeping, instead of hanging out with the rest of us.

Day 1930

The relaxing and rejuvenating effects of yoga are somewhat mitigated by a baby screaming and jumping up and down a couple feet away from your head. Or a baby pushing buttons on their toys so you can hear a fire truck singing a little ditty instead of hearing what exactly you’re supposed to be doing with your left foot.

Day 1929

My day involved more of other people’s bodily fluids than I prefer.

Day 1928

Does it count as a first word if the “HI!” (with wave) is aimed at the cupboard?

Day 1927

Lizard is back to daycare, where someone who knows what they’re doing can work on her potty-training for the bulk of her waking hours.

Why is it so hard to make yourself start exercising, even when it feels good to do? Apparently the evolutionary advantage of conserving energy is stronger than the advantage of being fit enough to have energy, and to do stuff with it.

Day 1926

Day Three of Lizard in underwear = Lizard’s first skid marks. If it had been accident-free, I’d really feel like an idiot for waiting until now to pottytrain.