Day 3231

 Yes indeed, another talkative independent goofball. How could that have happened?

Day 3230

 Maybe we should go rural? 

We can’t go rural?! How dare my work require my presence?!

It was all a mistake, we can go rural!

Have you seen how pretty city house is?

Rural house sold. We can’t go rural.

Why are there no daycares anywhere?!

We will live in this house until the books take over.

Day 3229

 How to distract children from eating their dinner and make them stick their whole heads in front of your phone: Olympic boats.

They will find it endlessly entertaining that the front of the boat is at the back. 

And is there anything more better than having a two year old tell you about their day one enthusiastic word at a time?

Day 3228

 Paying other people to do manual labour for you is a good stage of life. Especially manual labour during the summer.

Day 3227

 And then they fell down a rabbit hole of strange sports they didn’t understand with no commentary.

But hey, boats!!

Day 3226

 Even with the third kid, it is still disconcerting when they sleep for an extra long time and are visibly longer when they wake up. Or are better at talking.

Day 3225

 Homeownership involves a lot more deforestation than I was prepared for.

Day 3224

Happy Birthday, my Sunshine Goblin.

Day 3223

 And now we are officially out of babies.

Welcome to being big, my sweet little goblin.

Day 3222

Picked up new kid’s toy, brought it home, then sat down on the floor and played with it. 

Yes, yes. This will do. 

Someday I may even given it to the children. 

Day 3221

 It is dangerous to play ‘what’s the best movie from the 90s’ when you don’t have time to watch dozens of movies.

Day 3220

 Reading about the Great Depression while living through drought and wildfire smoke makes everything more vivid. 

Good reading experience; would not recommend.

Day 3219

 Survived no air conditioning for the whole sweaty weekend. Came back to an air quality warning that suggests turning off your air conditioning. 

*kicks global warming in the shins*

Day 3218

 Convinced Banana that kiddie pools are a significant improvement over baths. Did not convince Lizard that it is best to sleep in a bed big enough for you. 

Day 3217

 Banana sleeps when she is ready. Banana does not care about your appeals to reason. Banana doesn’t care what time it is. BANANA WILL SLEEP WHEN SHE IS READY.

Day 3216

No children, you can’t pack every blanket you have. It’s a heatwave, not May long.

Day 3215

 Some words shorten much better than others for toddler usage. “‘Side out” is totally comprehensible. Shortening ‘polysporin’ is… not great.

Day 3214

 Next offensive against the weeds: MOAR ZUCCHINIS!!!

Day 3213

 You know you’re parenting right when the nearly two year old knows about sad trombone.

Day 3212

 You never expect to grow up to be Farmer McGregor.

And then the damn bunnies eat all the beets except one and all the carrots but eight.

Day 3211

 We got to see friends! In their faces!! IRL!!!

Day 3210

 Why not put a 15 year old stupid inside family joke on enough shirts to field two baseball teams with spares?

Day 3209

It is ill-advised to poke a bear, especially if you make the bear mad first.

And now the bear has a higher base rate of grumpiness. 

Please stop poking the bear.

Day 3208

 Apparently Banana can sleep on a cot without burning the daycare down, so that’s perhaps a good sign for the day that we trust her enough to take the side of the crib off. Maybe when she’s ten?

But also she can open childproof bottles. Not a good sign.

Day 3207

 Whatever you do, don’t help the baby, even if she asks you to, unless it’s one of those times that you should, in which case you have to, how could you even think of leaving her to do it herself when she’s demanding to do it herself? You monster!

Day 3206

 Only Banana would think to combine her elaborate lotion regime with yoga. Who else would think a hands free downward dog is the best way to get lotion on your back?

Day 3205

Our kids know already that one of the great frustrations of life is not having enough time to read books.

Day 3204

 I do hope we hit peak two-ness soon. I could do with less rapidly intensifying two-ness. I fear we will soon hit a tropical two.

Day 3203

 Ideally you know whether you are working a full day or not sometime before the middle of the work day.

Also, ideally, you have a pretty good idea whether or not you’re getting paid.

Day 3202

 How to entertain your children on a very hot day: a few inches of very cold water.

Unless they hate baths, in which case they can sit and watch their siblings run around and shriek.