Day 3808

 If the nightlight, sleep sheep, books, stuffies, extra books, glass of water, snuggles, lullaby, and more snuggles don’t work, why not try petting your child in the face?

Day 3807

You would think being burdened with glorious purpose would be tiring, and mean you would go the eff to sleep…

Day 3806

 I didn’t know eight years olds were allowed to look chic going through grow into bins.

Day 3805

 How do you dissuade a grinning three year old from naming her new nightlight “tooting bear”?

Indirectly. Always indirectly with that kid.

Day 3804

 I was not expecting, ten months before Christmas Eve, to be fielding questions about Santa’s citizenship.

Day 3803

 If you send them enough real estate listings, eventually they will come.

Day 3802

 Get introverts into leadership positions so the Powers That Be can figure out that lunch with your boss is not universally considered a blessing.

Day 3801

 MARGARINE….MARGARINE….MARGARINE…MARGARINE…MARGARINE…MARGARINE…MARGARINE…

-Banana’s Lament

Day 3800

 It’s not hard to find a shovel buddy around this joint. But it is a little alarming to realize your shovel buddy might need a full-sized shovel.

Day 3799

 HYCYGB?

Day 3798

 Just Say No to Norovirus.

Day 3797

 Several years later, and all it took to get the kids interested in the best damn toy cars ever was building a race track for a bear.

Day 3796

The best part of bad PowerPoint slides and bad real estate listings is laughing at them with your other self.

Day 3795

 Maybe don’t expect to be bowled over by hugs and excitement when your overtired overstimulated children come home…

Day 3794

 Progress on a jigsaw puzzle is not a bad wellness check.

Day 3793

 It’s only tiring if I try to do stuff.

Day 3792

 A lot of music is going to be required to fill this dreadfully quiet house.

Day 3791

 Our boy might have to be put in charge of naming stuff after coming up with Snap Dragon and Socks and Found in one day.

Day 3790

 Some days are just spaghetti-on-the-floor types of days.

Day 3789

 Never trust a kid who says they are tired and want to go to bed.

They’re right about the first part, but the second part will be revealed to be a lie the moment they are confronted with the spectre of Sleep.

Day 3788

If Banana keeps asking for second breakfast I might have to start calling her a hobbit instead of a goblin.

Day 3787

 Ain’t no meeting like an inadvertent bombshell meeting.

Day 3786

“Your kids aren’t sewed! They’re people!”

Day 3785

 Yes, it is definitely absolutely true that medical offices all had to keep a whooping crane in their office to test for whooping cough. Until the internet came.

Definitely. 

Day 3784

 You can put the big girl in the big girl bed, but you can’t make her sleep. 

Because why not sleep on a cot forever?

Day 3783

 Unauthorized crash course, brought to you by the boss.

Day 3782

 Not how I pictured Candlemas.

Day 3781

I don’t think I’ll be seeing Dr Banana anymore. She checked me with a stethoscope and said my heart was sad. Then she gave me medicine that made my heart mad. 

Not the result I was hoping for.