Day 4112

 An object lesson in committing to the bit.

Day 4111

 Not really in favour of -1 at the end of December, but very in favour of winter zoo.

Day 4110

No one expects the beet salad.

Day 4109

 Sorry kiddo, I want to work even less than you want to go to daycare. 

Day 4108

What if some of the adults want bumper lanes too?

Day 4107

 Christmas and a pathological tendency to go overboard are an *interesting* combo…

Day 4106

 If you wrap fast enough, turns out you get to sit around and enjoy Christmas Eve. Who knew?

Day 4105

Can we skip ahead to the point where everyone uses fabric gift sacs and it is an accepted practice that the giver keeps the bag? 

Day 4104

 A day of efficiency really makes loitering children feel painfully slow.

Day 4103

Never underestimate the courage of having a big mouth.

Day 4102

It’s possible I shouldn’t find it quite so entertaining getting the kids to put Husband to bed.

Day 4101

 Goodnight Bees.

Day 4100

 “Mommy I want to tell you about an activity we did today. Oh! It’s for you and daddy, so you can’t listen!”

Day 4099

 We have no pop in our house. We only have fizzy drink. And fizzy drink can only be served in fancy fizzy drink glasses.

Day 4098

 Christmas might actually be coming; the tree is decorated and the big Christmas legos are under construction.

Day 4097

 Someday, our house will be done with toddler tantrums. Whether it happens before the teenage angst spasms begin remains to be seen.

Day 4096

 

ADHD CLEANING RAMPAGE!!!

Day 4095

 I never expected to have to tell my children not to call each other “tushie”.

Day 4094

 Maybe I shouldn’t have played the cannibal song for the four year old songbird…

Day 4093

 The re-enschoolening is not going entirely to plan.

Day 4092

 Turns out, other people *do* still exist.

Day 4091

 Husband is home at last! And I only brewed the coffee without coffee once.

Day 4089

 “Is this a scab call?”

Day 4088

Maybe if you get your kid larger books, maybe they don’t be two thirds of the way through the pile after 24 hours.

Day 4087

Is it even a birthday if there isn’t a battle royale over the relative fanciness of plates?

Day 4086

 I’m not sure we can save every animal and make everyone happy, but I bet we can manage a couple of each.

Day 4085

 Mushrooms and mullets don’t mix.

Day 4084

 Someday I will learn to time my rampages to not overlap with sensitive things like bedtimes.

Day 4083

 They bicker and argue and drive you wild and then they absolutely floor you with their quick minds and sweet hearts.

Day 4082

 Do I have to correct the notion that the bathroom scale tells you how many baths and showers you’ve had?

Day 4081

 Indeed, why wouldn’t you want to be a sheep?

Because sheep can’t build Legos, even if they do save on coats.

Day 4080

 I was not intending to celebrate conjunctivitis all month. The children apparently had other ideas.

Day 4079

 Any day can feel like a holiday if you serve fizzy drink.

Day 4078

 When the children who have been bickering all evening comment about how weird it is that Tasmanian devils shriek at each other over food…

Day 4077

 Am I too old for a corningware cornflower tramp stamp?

Day 4076

 Have we considered that it may just be a simple case of demonic possession?

Day 4075

 Fish & Fish.

Day 4074

 Almost going to be in good time is still better than going to bed at bad time…

Day 4073

Screw the Problem of Evil, what about the Problem of Boogers?

Day 4072

 Okay, but how many plagues does it take to fulfill a curse?

Day 4071

 ‘A plague on both your houses’ is a pretty good curse.

Day 4070

 Our snuggler in chief is home at last!

Day 4069

You know a species is meant to be extinct when its digestive tract doesn’t match what it eats and there isn’t a word for a group of them.

Day 4068

 Thinking about meals I don’t have the energy to cook

Day 4067

 At least the four year old knows she shouldn’t lick people at daycare (she says “because there are sometimes sick people at daycare”)…

Day 4066

 I’m not sure whether it is good or bad to have someone with a lot of time on their hands to suggest recipes to. Yes, you make coq au vin and I’ll put a puffy pizza in the oven. You and my kids will be thrilled, I’m sure.

Day 4065

 Some days it is hard to appreciate the universe’s sense of humour.

Day 4064

 May the spirit of helpfulness prevail.

Day 4063

 Always check the library closures before you say the word ‘library’ out loud in front of children.

Day 4062

 I’ll follow Banana’s example and try more blankets. But probably not five of them.

Day 4061

 But have you tried having a huge tantrum over something unavoidable or pointless?

Day 4060

Little goblins sort of absorbing pedestrian etiquette is pretty amusing.

Day 4059

SPAGHETTI 

IS

BAAAAACK!!!!!

Day 4058

 Know where the mailbox is if you are planning to drag the kids to it on foot.

Day 4057

 If you buy animal reference books and have children, you are automatically subscribed to Animal Facts.

YOU CAN NEVER UNSUBSCRIBE 

Day 4056

 Someday all the LEGO will be sorted again…

Day 4055

 “Are mysteries real?”

You look at me like you expect a simple yes or no answer, but I suspect you’re just getting more adept at bedtime doorknob questions.

Day 4054

 When the kid gets so made he storms upstairs, curls up in bed and falls asleep, and then wakes up mad, and continues the rage-a-thon. 

This is not the kind of commitment to the bit that I’m a fan of.

Day 4053

On this cross quarter day, we celebrate the fact that Halloween is over and we can sit on our butts.

Day 4052

Speed run carving a not at all spooky pumpkin and successfully fed, layered, and trick or treated the children. 

Booyah.

Day 4051

 For Canadian Halloween, you have to figure out how many layers of clothes you can fit under the costume before you admit defeat and put on a winter jacket.

Day 4050

When the four year old seems to be the most excited about the new card game for old Italian men…

Day 4049

 Yes children, it is possible to make your mother too grumpy for Dutch Blitz.

Day 4048

 Shovel snow; eat frozen raspberries off the bush.

Day 4047

 Sweeten the leftovers pot by bribing the children with walks.

Day 4046

 How to make your children miserable: let them pick chocolates from the tin precisely once.

Day 4045

It’s official; I have helpful helpers.

Day 4044

 Home at last!

Day 4043

 All cities should be walking cities.

Day 4042

 Sometimes you just go for a walk and see harbour seals.

Day 4041

 I am now a person who has seen whales.

Day 4040

 Into the woods!

Day 4039

 Yes, there will eventually be cake.

Day 4038

 “Who is the girl from Robbing Hood?”

Day 4037

 You know your process is good when it relies on humans being perfect.

Day 4036

 Well I know which kid is going to be refolding the tea towel drawer at 4am on Christmas Eve…

Day 4035

 The universe has a dodgy sense of humour.

Day 4034

 Every day can be pizzamas if you buy enough merch.

Day 4033

 You had me at boats.

Day 4032

 It’s the most flannelful time of the year.

Day 4031

 If you have enough children, and teach them to be kind… sometimes they will help each other with homework, and you can sit on the couch and read your book.

Day 4030

I’m excited for the kids to choose one book to drop off at a little free library every day forever…

Day 4029

 Looking for a house becomes much harder when your daughter says things like “this is my favourite place. I never want to live somewhere that isn’t close to the river.”

Day 4028

 There aught to be some kind of rule that the place you are born should be the landscape that sings to you. What are water babies doing, being born on the prairie?!

Day 4027

 Why not celebrate the wolf king with a pair of dogs and a whale?

Day 4026

 If only these children could choose birthday gifts as quickly as they can choose one million library books.

Day 4025

 Today I learned I am a very satisfying mommy.

Day 4024

 Dragging the kids into our election coverage problem…

Day 4023

Today i learned that my socks with mismatched penguins are aggravating to children.

Day 4022

It’s a first, but not one I’m thrilled about: we ate all the garden carrots in one sitting, the day they were harvested.

Day 4021

 You know it’s a success when they ask for a second slice.

Day 4020

 Some days you just have to switch things up and have the kids put the adult to bed.

Day 4019

 Attention! You have reached your daily whining limit. Please note for future reference that your daily limit is reduced if the recommended hourly limit is exceeded two or more times. The counter will reset at midnight. Please enjoy the rest of the day in silence or good cheer.

Day 4018

 Sitting at the window, watching neighbourhood boys make bad choices, listening to the girls saying “I don’t approve of this!”

Day 4017

 The littlest, faced with the unprecedented situation of her older siblings having naps while she stays up, came to ask (before they were even all tucked in) whether I could take her to the zoo while they were sleeping.

This kid is not one to let an opportunity pass her by.

Day 4016

 It seems rather unfair that I am called upon to comment and react to snow leopard facts being read at me while I am trying to read an excellent murder mystery.

Day 4015

 When your children discover you do have a printer, and you have the power to print colouring pages for them…

Day 4014

 Just a couple of lovebirds.

Day 4013

The most important part of my work setup today was the backspace key, which was responsible for removing all the swears from my communications before I sent them. An invaluable member of the team.

Day 4012

 It’s a pity to separate a boy from his reference book.

Day 4011

 I didn’t wake up this morning with the intention of teaching my kids how to write letters, but here we are.

Day 4010

Baby’s first race day…

Day 4009

 Nostalgia pizza choices are pretty great pizza choices.

Day 4008

 Unsatisfied curiosity is extremely annoying.

Day 4007

 That feeling when your biggest child tells her brother that he knows more about something cool than she does…

Day 4006

 I never expected I would have to teach people umbrella etiquette.

Day 4005

 I would not recommend putting a six year old in a stroller if you intend to push it around. Especially if you’re also putting in his sister and their backpacks and umbrellas and water bottles.

Day 4004

 Trying to convince your kid not to be upset about the clearcutting of the sweet clover when you’re upset about the clearcutting of the sweet clover…

Day 4003

Nobody takes homework more seriously than the kid who is not yet in school.

Day 4002

 If you let a kid join running club…

Day 4001

 That feeling when you’re reading an alphabet book and your kid is trying to give names of kids she knows with names that start with that letter… and then her brother starts listing European countries that start with that letter…

Day 4000

Lego days are good days.

Baguette days are also up there.

Day 3999

 Yes, tell me again, my four year old, all about how the construction workers let you come help build a bathroom.

Day 3998

 Starting school with a nearly impossible homework assignment: draw ten happy faces. 

Unbeknownst to me or the teacher, they each have to be perfect.

Also, giraffe rides and small-headed turtles.

Day 3997

It’s a little disconcerting to be on the receiving end of the organization steamroller..

Day 3996

Attempting to compute vacation.

Day 3995

 O Captain, My Country Captain

i eat you

Day 3994

 I continue to be bad at buying shoes.

Day 3993

 Library: Lightning Round!

Day 3992

whatis cat                                                      

Day 3991

 Are you doing it wrong or right if your four year old wants her bedtime story to be the list in the atlas of the ten biggest islands in the world?

Day 3990

There is probably a good reason that the best audience for dad jokes is a very tired audience.

Or people under four feet.

Day 3989

I was not expecting to be thankful for my DOS skills at this phase in my life, but here we are.

Day 3988

 It’s not a sick day, it’s a whinge day.

Day 3987

 When you can take the crash but not the suggestion that you might have acted slightly differently to avoid the crash…

Day 3986

 “How do otters be rough with people?”

Is not exactly the bedtime discussion you want to have with a sleepy four year old.

Day 3985

 Marsupio is an excellent name that clearly needs to be used somehow. Either by acquiring even more plushie, or by renaming all the characters in Shakespearean’s famous play Wallaroo & Bandicoot.

Day 3984

 I do want go time out.

Day 3983

 The pit has been filled and we didn’t lose any mammals!

Day 3982

 Surprise aqueducts are not my favourite.

Neither are burnt hats.

Day 3981

 Inside circles, outside circles.

Day 3980

 What does it mean if a city sows its wild oats?!

Day 3979

 When your kid asks to consult the atlas and casually uses fractions, you know you’re raising the right kind of weirdo.

Day 3978

Today I learned jackhammers are very heavy. 

I also learned that I should not take the four year old through goose poop alley if I want to walk at an almost reasonable speed.

Day 3977

 Bigger circles to walk in.

Day 3976

 Would not recommend needing foundation work.

Day 3975

 The lawn feels even bigger when there’s a teary-eyed kid standing at the window watching you mow and waiting for you to let her out.

Day 3974

 In which the children discover that adult parties are boring (Lizard says “I let you talk for a while already!”), but that they make adults relax their supervision.

Day 3973

 RAMPAGE!

Day 3972

 Hello Bookstore, my old friend. 

Day 3971

 Yes child, I definitely looked dismayed because I thought the eyeballs and spiders you put in your Halloween slime were real eyeballs and spiders.

Day 3970

 A study in contrasts

Day 3969

 It’s hard to consider a different house seriously on a day that you see two fawns, a doe, and a stag from your front window.

Day 3968

 Some days require more will power than others.

Day 3967

 If you’re going to bring your young children to the museum, probably don’t.

Or go to a very very very small museum.

A museum for ants, perhaps.

Day 3966

 Turns out if you buy your children slippers in August because they are on sale, they will want to wear them in August.

And if you buy one pair that is much too big, they will bestow them upon you, and place them carefully beside your bed so that when you get up in the morning (still in August), you can put on your fuzzy fox slippers.

Day 3965

Spaghetti helps me feel better about my baby getting big.

Day 3964

 A sign it’s been a while since I last wore a skirt: the children were demanding to know why I was doing such a thing.

Day 3963

 That feeling when the four year old identifies the song by name after hearing the first chord…

Day 3962

 A small pool of glimmers of hope…

Day 3961

 Once upon a time, there was a Princess in a white dress with flowers on it, and her name was Cinderella. At night, she turned into a bear and roared all night and didn’t sleep at all.

Day 3960

 Children are required by law to periodically remind parents of the folly of staying up late.

Five pianos is too many pianos, even in a mystery dream house.

Day 3959

 Now taking chapter book recommendations from two of my kids…

Day 3958

 Is Bonus Feature a movie?

This is where I got my pinch.

Day 3957

 In which our Lizard discovers how much work it can be to do something cute with the teddies, and how demoralizing it can be when it isn’t properly appreciated.

Day 3956

 For an eight year old bookworm, the three necessary qualities of a house are: enough bedrooms, enough yard, and enough wall space for enough bookshelves.

She does also appreciate the importance of lots of counter space, though she doesn’t use them much. Yet.

She does not approve of impracticalities.

Day 3955

 Another episode of “you have to tell me if your shoes are too tight”…

Day 3954

 How could we move? The baby deer show is on outside.

Day 3953

 Sometimes going outside and throwing a ball around is medicinal.

Day 3952

 ‘Pancakes’ is not a normal household scent. Maybe investigate if you smell pancakes.

Day 3952

 It was inevitable that the baby would eventually turn four; I just didn’t expect it to be in only four years.

Day 3951

It’s stressful waiting for the shoe to drop when you have a ralpher in the house.

Day 3950

 The only thing that can save us is fart noises and loooooooong snuggles.

Day 3949

 If you want a short walk to take an excruciatingly long time, give small children people-sized umbrellas.

Day 3948

 Well, he’s certainly no pancake.

Day 3947

Someday the house won’t be surrounded by weed beds.

Day 3946

 The dog is not as keen on adventure as the youngest turkey.

Day 3945

 The rain in your ice cream tastes like ADVENTURE.

Day 3944

 Walk their little legs off, then give them ice cream.

Day 3943

 Adventure!

(Adventure delayed by inertia)

Day 3942

 Achievement unlocked: texting big daughter to tell her something you don’t want the other kids to hear.

Day 3941

 Deep breaths. Try not to snort derisively while unmuted.

Day 3940

 I’m not sure what it says about our household and our world, but the three year old gets “scab calls” on her pretend phone.

Day 3939

Occasionally having the ending spoiled makes it *more* fun.

Day 3938

 It is one of those universal rules that if you go for a walk without your phone, you’re going to see *everything*.

Day 3937

 It really isn’t Wakanda Whatever, kiddo. I imagine that would be a very different movie.

Day 3936

“Can you *at least* hold my toothbrush for me?”

Also the big, prescribing snuggles.

Day 3935

 Who would have thought knitting a blanket for a raccoon would be so rewarding?

Day 3934

 According to Banana, one plays the board game Chest by rolling the dice before you set up the board. Then you have to get the hook away from the bad guy. It’s for five or six players, for ages 2+. So you know, two year olds, three years olds, and one year olds. Only kids. No addles. Also four year olds. And five and six year olds.

Day 3933

 Do other parents have to threaten to confiscate things if their kid sings the ABCs one more time?

Day 3932

 Things you don’t want to hear well past bedtime: “I’M GOING TO READ A LITTLE BIT LOUD, OKAY?”

Not okay, Stinkerbell. Also, no more nests!

Day 3931

 I mowed the lawn and the lawn won.

Day 3930

 Why sleep when you can read about coping in sports?!

Day 3929

 One million juneberries for the end of June.

Day 3928

Or perhaps a more other path…?

Day 3927

 Wasps are the ultimate far friends.

Day 3926

 “On Nightvale Cecil says ‘and now, a word from our sponsor’…”

-Banana, age 3

Day 3925

 I wouldn’t recommend playing Uno with the three year old. Sometimes she wants to pick up cards when she can play, she insists on having her turn to deal (we’ll just say her technique is non-standard), and sometimes she straight up cheats.

Day 3924

 Going back to the ‘winning the lottery’ plan.

Day 3923

 That thing where you’re trying to put the kids to bed while also trying to figure out if a civil war is starting across the ocean.

Day 3922

 Just say no to recreational submersibles.

Day 3921

 I’m not mommy, I’m Ribbit Robot.

Day 3920

 Who can work when there are submersibles on the loose?!

Day 3919

 The garden has seeds in it, summer is allowed to start now.

Day 3918

It’s fun listening to an eight year old list the positives and negatives of a piece of real estate.

Day 3917

 We cake because we can

Day 3916

 Only Banana could scream her face off because she still has one more minute of time out and then one minute later scream her face off because she doesn’t want to get out of time out.

(to go time on?)

Day 3915

 Bring back commuter horses!

Day 3914

 “Is Daddy still in the place where he is?”

Day 3913

 Go to sleep, little one. You need to have a good night’s sleep so we can have fun tomorrow.

-she says, totally incapable of taking her own advice.

Day 3912

 EMERGENCY BIKE RIDE

Day 3911

 It hurts my brain that you can spend over half a million dollars on a house that is slowly falling over.

Day 3910

 Too tired to walk all the way, but he can skip.

Day 3909

No, you are both wrong. You both talk moistly. But your eyeball was already moist, I don’t think you can blame that on your brother.

Day 3908

 I’ll cover your letter…

Day 3907

 The house is very very quiet when there are no fans running. 

A thousand blessings on whoever invented the air conditioner.

Day 3906

 Blessed, blessed cold air.

Day 3905

 Looking forward to having hugs outside of emergencies.

Day 3904

 If someone compliments you on your patience, it is sure to get tried.

Day 3903

 Sought refuge at an oasis.

The children are, of course, insufficiently grateful.

Day 3902

 Tilting at the same old windmills; flight delays and heat waves.

Day 3901

 We are clearly living at the wrong parallel.

Day 3900

 Ain’t no tantrum like a banana tantrum.

Day 3899

 It’s weird realizing almost ten years late that the neighbourhood can be kinda noisy.

Day 3898

 Never had I ever seen a tantruming child delicately touch her tongue to her dinner while quivering with rage.

Day 3897

 Feels a little like our house is a big sous-vide.

Day 3896

 The law of houses: if the price seems almost reasonable, there’s something wrong with it.

Day 3895

 I give today one star. Would not recommend.

Day 3894

 You cross into the time of year where it is generally safe to plant a garden without fear of frost and promptly get a heat warning…

Day 3893

 Sustainably relying on others to become sustainable.

Day 3892

Dear children, if you decide to wake up early for funsies, you are absolutely not allowed to stay up late and berate your parents about how they buttered your toast.

Day 3891 (belated)

 Husband may come to rue the day he introduced me to golf. 

Assuming my shoulder stops hurting.

Day 3890

 Hello, teacups.

Day 3889

 Why do I want to make duck cake?

Day 3888

The question is, how many more deer does one family really need to see their yard?

Day 3887

There is nothing like a house for of slightly sick grumpy kids.

Day 3886

 Let’s fight about toast.

Day 3885

 When you can only watch the kid’s concert via inexpertly recorded livestream, make sure to dress your kid in something subtly distinctive.

Day 3884

 Is it too early to start fawn watch?

Day 3883

 There is nothing quite like the enthusiasm of a kid giving a present. And then they enjoy the reaction so much, they have to do it again.

I present to you…a horse mostly inside a globe made of two bowls.

No one know why.

Day 3882

Eurovision: months of anticipation, then disbelief at the incomprehensible voting.

Day 3881

 It’s amazing how quickly Banana figured out how satisfying assisted jumps are when she holds both parents’ hands.

Day 3880

 Sometimes in life you just need a Gimli lunch.

Day 3879

 You make one ball gown for a teddy bear and suddenly all the stuffies and dolls need clothes…

Day 3878

 The set up takes a lot longer when you play solitaire with actual cards.

Day 3877

Are you *not* supposed to zone out when you sing lullabies?

Day 3876

 Library? Library! LIBRARY!!!

Day 3875

 When there are two salads and cake and your kids don’t eat well….

REGRET

Day 3874

Dear children, 

Have you heard about scarcity? It’s lame, but not necessarily unfair…even when it happens to you.

Best wishes,

Your mother

Day 3873

The children will not get sick anymore. 

I have spoken.

Day 3872

 Why be grumpy when you can 

DUTCH BLLLIIIIIIITTTZ!!!

Day 3871

 Changing your name is not a monthly endeavour. No flip-flopping!

Day 3870

 Who needs working eyes and ears anyway?

Day 3869

 I’m beginning to understand the impulse to sanitize everything. Maybe we could just disinfect the children after they leave school every day?

Day 3868

 We have almost as many library cards as people in the house.

Day 3867

To chump or not to chump, that is the question.

Day 3866

Today we learned that Banana has magical tucking-in powers.

Either that or Husband was extremely cooked.

Probably the powers thing.

Day 3865

 Work days aren’t so bad when you get to snuggle with a little goblin girl at the end of them.

Day 3864

You never know what children will consider magic. 

Like the sudden appearance of frozen pizza.

Day 3863

WHAT? 

WHAT?

WHAT?

Day 3862

 Perfect timing for a corked ear.

Chef’s kiss, universe.

Day 3861

I’m going on strike against coughs.

Down with coughs!

Day 3860

 Someday we’re going to have a house that’s full of that guy who knows random stuff.

Day 3859

But have you tried having no children home sick?

Day 3858

 Team Pizza is Always an Option

Day 3857

 I do not appreciate that I am now apparently old enough that my hips ache when I get sick.

Day 3856

Don’t be passive aggressive with the teacher. 

Don’t be passive aggressive with the teacher. 

Don’t be passive aggressive with the teacher. 

Day 3855

 Coaxing out spring, one snowcialism at a time.

Day 3854

 Watching movies in turtle mode…. Is more fun when you have a fellow turtle to talk to.

Day 3853

 Eighty percent of the household can read chapter books. 

Day 3852

 Is it still spring if there’s no green?

Day 3851

 This is my puddle kingdom. I am the keeper of the puddles.

Day 3850

 Marsh boots equipped. +5 waterproofing +10 floodfighting.

Day 3849

 I DON’T WANT TO NAP!!! I’M NOT TIRE-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzz

zzz

 

Day 3848

We need more secular feast days that aren’t sport-related.

… realizing belated this is really why we’re doing quarter days and cross-quarter days…

Day 3847

 Going to bed because you know your chocolate fiends are going to wake you up…

Day 3846

 Does someone offer an online course in convincing snow to melt in a preferred direction?

Day 3845

 There’s a hole in the bottom of my query…

Day 3844

 Some day my spring will come.

Day 3843

 Well that’s one way to try out new pizza flavours…

Day 3842

 That feeling when your kid is cranky that you’re in the car because they can’t listen to nightvale… but then doesn’t want to stop hugging you at bedtime.

Day 3841

 Were playgrounds designed to be torture devices for parents?

Day 3840

 Winnipeg spring options: mud, flood, or lowwwww benches.

Day 3839

 Yes, I am so darn strong.

Day 3838

 We’re all mad here.

Day 3837

 Ahem. Re-orgs are not meant to be like tornadoes. Stop fuffing and start hiring. Me, specifically.

Day 3836

Uncertainty and access to the internet are a dangerous combo for a curious person.

Day 3835

 “I wasn’t yelling! I was just making my voice louder!”

Day 3834

 At what point do you just give up and admit that your living room is now permanently carpeted in playmobil?

Day 3833

 Discussing citizenship with the three year old, as one does. “Is it a big process?”

 <shows bigness with arms>

Day 3832

 Is it still a mistake if it turns into trifle?

Day 3831

 We got verbal and written warnings today. The question is - what happens when we get a third strike?

Day 3830

Do please go on. I’d love to hear more about the adventures of Ar-Doo-Dee-Tow. 

Day 3829

 Hello, Six!

You know it was a good choice when it gets opened before the Lego.

Day 3828

 Goodnight, Five.

Day 3827

 Kids make dams; adults make a clear path for the water to flow.

Still so, so satisfying.

Day 3826

 The shortest list our boy will ever make: cakes he doesn’t like.

Day 3825

 It must be a good book if it sends you to Wikipedia to look up politicians who were assassinated the year you were born.

Day 3824

Banana: drawing slips of paper from a hat to choose the hills she will die on today.

Day 3823

The hardest questions the kids ask are not the ones I expected them to be.

Day 3822

 Relishing the one and only time I get to eat zebra pie…

Day 3821

 I wonder how people felt when refrigerators were new and were introduced into homes… and then eventually broke down. How long did it take people to trust these devices with their previous perishables? How did it feel when they had to go back to the root cellar?

Day 3820

Is your refrigerator running?

Then you better catch it!

Is a lame joke, but still better than a refrigerator that just stands there and fans itself.

Day 3819

 We’re trying that trick where you keep kids up late the night they lose sleep for DST, and then waking up and shovelling snow.

What could go wrong?

Day 3818

Recognized!

(too late)

Day 3817

 If only teddy kisses had strong placebo powers…

Day 3816

 One hundred thumbs up for cabbage?!?!

I mean, I love cabbage and all, but one hundred thumbs up for cabbage?!?!?!

Day 3815

 Only our boy could manage to spill water into his ear while trying to drink it in bed and then get so mad that his pillowcase was wet that he refuses to use pillows at all.

I wonder how old he will be when we have to explain the expression ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’.

Day 3814

 Your mission, which you will obviously accept, is to set up the bear doing something cute at daycare. No, not that identical bear, that bear is sick and has to stay home.

Day 3813

 I didn’t know until today that there was such a thing as having a face for slo-mo, but holy hell does our goblin ever have a face for slo-mo.

Day 3812

 Some days are more goblin than girl.

Day 3811

 Thanks for the awkward Cinderella kiss, my little weirdo.

Day 3810

 The boy can read! 

Day 3809

 HR… at least it’s not Finance!

Day 3808

 If the nightlight, sleep sheep, books, stuffies, extra books, glass of water, snuggles, lullaby, and more snuggles don’t work, why not try petting your child in the face?

Day 3807

You would think being burdened with glorious purpose would be tiring, and mean you would go the eff to sleep…

Day 3806

 I didn’t know eight years olds were allowed to look chic going through grow into bins.

Day 3805

 How do you dissuade a grinning three year old from naming her new nightlight “tooting bear”?

Indirectly. Always indirectly with that kid.

Day 3804

 I was not expecting, ten months before Christmas Eve, to be fielding questions about Santa’s citizenship.

Day 3803

 If you send them enough real estate listings, eventually they will come.

Day 3802

 Get introverts into leadership positions so the Powers That Be can figure out that lunch with your boss is not universally considered a blessing.

Day 3801

 MARGARINE….MARGARINE….MARGARINE…MARGARINE…MARGARINE…MARGARINE…MARGARINE…

-Banana’s Lament

Day 3800

 It’s not hard to find a shovel buddy around this joint. But it is a little alarming to realize your shovel buddy might need a full-sized shovel.

Day 3799

 HYCYGB?

Day 3798

 Just Say No to Norovirus.

Day 3797

 Several years later, and all it took to get the kids interested in the best damn toy cars ever was building a race track for a bear.

Day 3796

The best part of bad PowerPoint slides and bad real estate listings is laughing at them with your other self.

Day 3795

 Maybe don’t expect to be bowled over by hugs and excitement when your overtired overstimulated children come home…

Day 3794

 Progress on a jigsaw puzzle is not a bad wellness check.

Day 3793

 It’s only tiring if I try to do stuff.

Day 3792

 A lot of music is going to be required to fill this dreadfully quiet house.

Day 3791

 Our boy might have to be put in charge of naming stuff after coming up with Snap Dragon and Socks and Found in one day.

Day 3790

 Some days are just spaghetti-on-the-floor types of days.

Day 3789

 Never trust a kid who says they are tired and want to go to bed.

They’re right about the first part, but the second part will be revealed to be a lie the moment they are confronted with the spectre of Sleep.

Day 3788

If Banana keeps asking for second breakfast I might have to start calling her a hobbit instead of a goblin.

Day 3787

 Ain’t no meeting like an inadvertent bombshell meeting.

Day 3786

“Your kids aren’t sewed! They’re people!”

Day 3785

 Yes, it is definitely absolutely true that medical offices all had to keep a whooping crane in their office to test for whooping cough. Until the internet came.

Definitely. 

Day 3784

 You can put the big girl in the big girl bed, but you can’t make her sleep. 

Because why not sleep on a cot forever?

Day 3783

 Unauthorized crash course, brought to you by the boss.

Day 3782

 Not how I pictured Candlemas.

Day 3781

I don’t think I’ll be seeing Dr Banana anymore. She checked me with a stethoscope and said my heart was sad. Then she gave me medicine that made my heart mad. 

Not the result I was hoping for.

Day 3780

 It’s possible that fits of giggles with the three year old are not the best idea to get her settled for bed.

Day 3779

 You can cook your noodles for ten minutes at six degrees, but I think I will politely decline if you offer me some. 

And maybe later we can talk about food safety.

Day 3778

 Introducing … Ralph!

He can’t swab the puke deck, but he sure is a bucket.

Day 3777 (belated)

The stars misaligned.

As they seem more likely to do with so many goblins in the house.

Day 3776

 Tell me you didn’t nap without telling me you didn’t nap.

<comes home and starts eating my hoodie while giggling manically>

“Daddy, our skeletons are white, right? Like the MOOOOOOOON!”

Day 3775

 But how do I convert my points to books and legos?!

Day 3774

 At least I’m not bored while demonstrating invisible proficiency.

Day 3773

 We don’t eat folly, we eat farfalle.

Day 3772

 Apparently you can’t just do emergency meteorology training. They want you to know science first. And you have to travel.

Day 3771

 “I’m imagining you’re in Nova Scotia”, the three year old says. 

First question, how do you know about Nova Scotia?

Second question, are you imagining I’m far away or are we all there?

Third question, how how do we make this happen?

Day 3770

 The three year old should not be allowed to give up on naps when the five year old still needs them.

Day 3769

 The right time for receiving necessary inputs is not 4:49pm on Friday.

Day 3768

 Have you tried confiscating everything?

Day 3767

Bickers upon bickers

Do eyes actually grow?

Phenice let me down.

Day 3766

 Bertram’s long watch begins.

Day 3765

I think I could get used to hearing dinosaur facts first thing in the morning that the five year old read to himself.

Day 3764

 Have you considered commemorative bookmarks?

Day 3763

 The Lizard void has been refilled; now the house has a lack of sleep and a sack of feelings.

Day 3762

 There’s a Lizard-shaped whole in the house.

Day 3761

 Yes, you can tell me a little story.

Day 3760

 Dear one, 

If you want me to write your name with first and last letters in upperplace letters, I will do that for you my delightful little weirdo.

Love,

Your lower place mother

Day 3759

Is there an incantation for invoking just the right job or what?

Day 3758

 I have to find things too often in this house for it to have been a good idea to listen to H.Y.C.Y. BH.

Day 3757

 If Lego ends up being a gateway drug to flower gardens I don’t know what I’ll do.

Day 3756

Don’t touch the baby.

Don’t touch the baby.

Don’t touch the baby.

Day 3755

 All the cool kids watch c-span on Friday night.

Day 3754

 It’s so fun being painfully competent and watching the measure of proficiency drop precipitously.

Day 3753

 The teddies are now babies, acquired from the baby store. They are called Ellavelle and Celebelle. And Banana has given herself the parent name Feylay.

And now I suppose I have to very belatedly figure out my own parent name.

Day 3752

Today we give thanks for Lego, for getting us through another work day.

Day 3751

 New year, new prescriptions for antibiotics.

Day 3750

 Banana: Go big or go…. Bigger!