Day 1193

Husband said it best: this hasn't been a holiday so much as its been one obscenely long sick day.

Day 1192

If you wake up sick mamma often enough, she will eventually sleep like a hibernating bear.

Day 1191

What do people with babies do when they get sick if they don't have wonderful husbands? Waste away, presumably. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband....

Day 1190

Someday we will all be able to breathe again. Maybe. Hopefully.

Day 1189

A couple days out of daycare and the plague is starting to abate. We're starting to see our normal, sweet little girl again. Now if only we can keep her healthy for a little while - have a break from snot bubbles....

Day 1188 (belated)

Things change when you have a teeny person opening presents.

Day 1187

Contrary to popular belief, the teeny tiny lizard is about to have her second Christmas. So is the dog.

I wonder when the tide shifts from Christmas being more exciting for us to more exciting for her....

Day 1186

Counting down.

Day 1185

This week the universe very much wants me to reflect on how far I have come in my job. You win this time, universe. 

(Also all the other times. Never go up against the universe.)

Day 1184

I wonder if today's date will be an answer to a question on a history test someday. 

Day 1183

The baby has now started on the string of social events that is Christmas. May the odds be ever in our favour.

Day 1182

Christmas shopping is done. Someone give me an award. Or healthy lungs.

Day 1181

The importance of weekends becomes much more obvious when you have a baby.

Day 1180

It only takes one trip to the mall before Christmas to reaffirm one's commitment to online shopping.

Day 1179

Turns out Christmas might come soon after all....

Day 1178

That thing where suddenly going to work can be better for recovering from being sick than staying home cause at work you can sit on your ass and not chase a baby around...

Day 1177

I am thankful that I don't have to experience Christmas as a parent without online shopping.

Day 1176

This is why parents stay home with their kids instead of sending them to daycare.

Day 1175

Things that suck: making the call that your kid isn't going to have a birthday party.

Day 1174

There is a terrible helpless feeling when your baby is sick and you can't make them better.... But oh man are the cuddles ever amazing.

Day 1173

I am Carol's exhausted everything.

Day 1172

I'm beginning to assume that you we are going to have one daycare plague or another continuously forever.

Day 1171

Thinking about the importance of not appearing perfect.

Day 1170

Sometimes work makes incessant fussing and diaper changes look pretty good.

Day 1169

All jokes about daycare plagues aside, we are so lucky to have a healthy kid.

Day 1168

Added shelves and bins to Lizard's room and suddenly a kid's room rather than a baby's room. Which I guess is appropriate cause apparently she's one now. 

OHGODOHGODOHGOD.

Day 1167 (so belated)

Lizzy decided to ring in her second year with an ear infection and daycare plague for the whole family.

Day 1166

Teeny people shouldn't be allowed to have medical emergencies.

Day 1165

Thank god for husbands and happy babies and understanding puppies when you're sick.

Day 1164

Work gets busier; to do lists get longer; puppy's bladder gets larger; baby gets sadder and sillier.

Day 1163

My first day back at work + Lizard's first full day of daycare + everyone is sick = anxiety + exhaustion + cleaning dog urine out of the carpet.

Day 1162

AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE

Day 1161

We once again have the saddest dog in all the land in our house. This is why we can't have nice visitors.

Day 1160

Baby's first sick day!

Day 1159

After four days of partial daycare, the baby is officially sick for the first time in her life. Here we go.

Day 1158

People talk about it being a goal to have your kid cry when you come get them from daycare. I don't think that this is what they had in mind.

Day 1157

I'm not totally sure how to handle this business of not hanging out with the baby all day. It's kind of exciting that other people are going to have to deal with her shit (literally), but good god am I ever going to miss her, and her silly smiles, and her little giggles, and her ridiculous sense of humour, and all the hugs and snuggles. It's heart-breaking and freeing and stressful at once. But already, I have to say how proud I am of her for how well she is doing so far. What a sweet little trooper.

Day 1156

Ermagherd dehrker.

Day 1155

My favourite thing right now is the baby's happy drunk flailing legs when you walk her around.

Day 1154

Apparently it is impossible to nap while there is a grandma in the house.

Day 1153

The baby is sleeping in her own room. Mind-blowing, earth-shattering, heart-wrenching.

Day 1152

Finished ripping up the carpet and painting in the spare room and no one is happier than the baby.

Day 1151

The baby is rapidly acquiring the skills necessary to make large messes in the living room.

Day 1150

The puppy has officially granted personhood to the baby; he curled up on her lap.

Day 1149

Insanity: that thing where you rip up the carpet in the room your mom will be sleeping in in less than a week.

Day 1148

This weekend brought to you by the good people at Productivity.

Productivity: Because Even We Can Adult...Sometimes.

Day 1147

One room at a time, we shall vanquish all the terrible paint jobs.

Day 1146

It is helpful having a happy, silly, giggly little one in the house when terrible things are going on in the world.

Day 1145

The baby's kid face is starting to appear and her playing is getting much more interactive and her sense of humour is developing and she can eat real people food and OH GAWD MAH BEHBEH IS ALL GROWED UP.

Day 1144

Occasionally the baby has mercy on us and gives us leave to sleep in. And then chatters happily when it's time to wake up. That is winning.

Day 1143 (belated)

Luckily the dog's excitement over our return home seems to be waning just as he is starting to recover from all the fun he had at daycare.

Day 1142

Recovery day! For a while there I was the only one awake and everyone else in the house was having a group nap.

Day 1141

Weddings and Maplelag are nice and all, but oh god is it ever good to be home.

Day 1140 (belated)

Super Wedding Success!

Day 1139 (belated)

Apparently if you get the baby tired enough and then stick her in a room with a hundred people, she does make strange!

Day 1138 (belated)

Babies and vacations are mutually exclusive.

Day 1137

The bruise collection expands... And expands...

Day 1136

I am all for the baby's new plan of all weird faces all the time.

Day 1135

Why learn one thing when you can learn all the things at once?

Day 1134

Stank face is the best of all faces.

Day 1133

We all survived Lizard's first Halloween, although the puppy seemed pretty certain he wouldn't.

Day 1132

I should abandon the baby to Husband more often if that's the kind of happy baby we get out of it.

Day 1131

In a week of literally stunning bad news, a good pole-axing is quite helpful.

Day 1130

The good news is, it's been so long since the last diaper buster, I almost forgot how to deal with them. The bad news is.... It's been so long since the last diaper buster I kinda did forget how to deal with them... 

Day 1129

Because who needs daycare anyway? HA HA HA

Day 1128

Babies have an incredible knack for knowing what you don't want them to put in their mouths, and a special gear for zooming over when they see it across the room.

Day 1127

If you stub all your toes, the baby will just sit around and play nicely out of respect for your inability to chase her around, right?

Day 1126

We're still allowed to sleep in occasionally?!?!

Day 1125

Dear Baby,

You don't *always* have to be growing like a weed. 

Love, 

your mother.

Day 1124

Sometimes the baby tries to eat your face. Sometimes the baby tries to kiss (?) your face. Sometimes the baby throws up on your face. Today, however, marked the first time that the baby has burped inside of my mouth. 

Day 1123

A plague on the houses of people who call during naptime.

Day 1122

Babies can tell when you have plans. They have honed this ability so they can boycott naps at crucial moments.

Day 1121 (belated)

Got a new government and a cooperative baby for my birthday. The baby decided she should even things out, and declared sleep to be for chumps.

Day 1120

Walling off the play area with couches was one of the best ideas I have ever had.

Day 1119

The strangest things will suddenly make you realize that your baby is turning into a kid. Which then causes a huge flood of different emotions that are almost impossible to sort out... But your eyes definitely know they should be moist.

Day 1118

I just watched:

a. the baby sleepcrawl into the end of her crib, mutter, bonk it again, mutter, then curl up and sleep quietly and 

b. the dog army crawl under the crib (with a sleeping baby in it) instead of standing up and walking around.

Our lives are controlled by tiny insane people.

Day 1117

Parenting Do: rearrange your furniture so the baby is trapped in the middle of the room with lots of baby toys but no dog toys. Dog door may be necessary.

Day 1116

Husband just gets me.

Day 1115

Pretty sure the Lizard levelled up last night.

Day 1114

Sometimes you just have to stay home and cook yourself a nice duck ragout. Because fuck turkey.

Day 1113

Slow steps towards independence for Lizard mean rapid breathing for anxious parents.

Day 1112

Babies make it hard to have a good cleaning rampage. They're all "feed me" "pay attention to me" "EVERYTHING IS POOP!!".

Day 1111

The baby shows off her emotional spectrum.

Also, vegetables.

Day 1110

This too shall pass; your day may start with nipple biting, but it could end with surprise numismatics.

Day 1109

I wonder how old Lizard will be when my nipples forgive her...

Day 1108

The baby is now incapable of staying where you left her unless she is physically restrained. And even then I wouldn't want to bet on it.

Day 1107

Is it too much to ask to have one person in this family who is okay about going to bed at a reasonable time?

Day 1106

That thing where you don't know whether to be more anxious about the baby being looked after by someone else or because you're about to drive a car.

Day 1105

Is your to do list ever really completed?

Day 1104

It's weird being mad at a baby.

Day 1103

Life is much more fun if you read it as a comedy of errors rather than a tragedy.

Day 1102

Sleep training: how to break your own heart with one easy saddest baby of all time.

Day 1101

Who needs sleep when you can have a screamy serenade?

Day 1100

Wouldn't it be nice if only one family member could be sick at a time? Also, a two day maximum on being sick would be nice. Someone should get on that.

Day 1099

You only realize how much of a grumpus your baby was when there is a lull in the teething. It really makes you appreciate all the smiles and giggles.

Day 1098

Someday we will be the people hosting family dinners. And we will probably have to make turkey. And part of me will die. 

Only a little hypobolic.

Day 1097

And the Lizard learned to sleep again. And the people rejoiced. And then celebrated by staying up stupidly late.

Day 1096

The Lizard has learned to clap her tiny little lizard hands, and she might like it even more than standing. When she can stand and clap at the same time, she will probably explode with happiness.

Day 1095 (3 years)

Low key anniversary plans rendered lower key by a baby who is trying to convince us she is allergic to sleep. I love you, Husband, even though our night owlishness combined has created a never-nap.

Day 1094

It's fun when the baby includes her adorable new noises into her screaming.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH bwwwwwub bwuuuub AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Day 1093

Just because the baby is sick and exhausted doesn't mean she will sleep. Especially if she can stand up and jump in her crib instead.

Day 1092

Baby gates up. Someday we will be prepared to have a baby.

Day 1091

Sick babies are the most heart-wrenching, and make you feel remarkably powerless.

Day 1090

Starting to get accustomed to the idea that it's going to be teething and — that is the problem.

Day 1089

That moment when you are tasting fancy scotch while balancing your baby on your hip and she's trying to grab your glass... And you're like: Winning!

Day 1088

A sure way to lose time: look at pictures of your baby.

Day 1087

It might be a sign that we should have people over more often when we want to play show and tell when people do come over.

Day 1086

The Lizard proves her willingness to be nice to strangers (even if they shine lights in her eyes), and her unwillingness to do dreadful things like nap.

Day 1085

If you have a social baby, only you will know how evil they are.

Day 1084

Does being a little performer really start so young? Cause holy pants can the lizard ever turn on the charm...

Day 1083

The Lizard is starting her collection of bruises. Let's hope she will fairly rapidly learn to fall on her butt instead of her face.

Day 1082

The baby continues to grow like a weed and the house continues to make us hemorrhage money.

One of these things is more fun than the other.

Day 1081

The puppy steals the baby's bath time by being gross; the baby decides crawling is for chumps and she only wants to walkabout.

Day 1080

Suddenly realized today that right now I can go for walks and only one of the babies is a jerk. This is a limited time offer. I need to enjoy it while I can.

Day 1079

The Lizard and I have the same feeling about zoos: the tigers are the best part.

Day 1078

It is strange getting unexpected intimate peeks into another family's world. It is a reminder to imagine others complexly, a chance to be grateful for the blessings you have, and an opportunity to consider what you could do better.

Day 1077

Babies: will fall asleep with their hand bent under them and their elbow up in the air.... But you dare lie them down in their cribs and they will scream their faces off.

Day 1076

The good news is the Lizard was fairly happy hanging out in her Circle of Neglect while we rotated sopping towels. 

The bad news is we don't have a permit for the wading pool in the basement.

Day 1075

That thing where you don't want to put the baby down to sleep because snuggling.

Day 1074 (belated)

The Lizard has decided she no longer needs to hold onto things while standing. She is only sometimes right.

Day 1073

Definitely a vet.

Day 1072

The Lizard has decreed that she will sleep well for either naps or bedtime; not both.

Day 1071

Is it still creeping if it's really fast?

Day 1070

The baby turns into a better creeper every day.

She also bites faces.

Day 1069

I know now why all parents think their baby is cute. They have to.

Day 1068

The Lizard has decided she doesn't need both legs for crawling. She pulls with her arms, pushes off with one leg, and sticks the other one up in the air.

As is tradition.

Day 1067

Dear Lizard, 

I love hanging out with you and all, but it is maybe not the best idea when you are overtired and manic. You should try sleeping instead.

Love, Mum

Day 1066

The baby's not evil, she's teething. The baby's not evil, she's teething. The baby's not evil, she's teething. 

Day 1065

"Hi Dada!"

Day 1064

It's easy to blow your own mind when you're a new parent. Just look at baby pictures that are just a few months old...

Day 1063

If we were less hermitty, our house would be clean all the time.

Day 1062

Teething is not my friend.

Day 1061

I hope whoever invented the exersaucer died old and happy.

Day 1060

The closer the Lizard gets to talking, the more heartbreaking and adorable the sad noise.

Day 1059

The longer the Lizard takes with this teething nonsense, the wider her repertoire of disapproving glares.

Day 1058

The lizard thinks her teeny tent is way more fun when the flap is open and I am playing with her. The tent is the absolute worst if I am weeding.

Day 1057

Someday we will be able to convince people that just because the baby is cheerful doesn't mean she's not exhausted.

Day 1056

The Lizard is at least as bad as I am at tolerating heat, but she is much better at people.

Which means I'm getting more practice with people.

Stupid baby.

Day 1055

Every day it is less our job to support and help the Lizard, and more our job to be her jungle gym.

Day 1054

If I lived before air conditioning, I would need a fainting couch. Only it would be the heat exhaustion couch.

Day 1053

The baby has decided to try out a new thing called "Never Sleeping Ever". 

On a completely unrelated note, she seems to have a second tooth.

Day 1052

Just because the Lizard has regained her sense of humour doesn't mean she can't be a buttface.

Day 1051

The Lizard has very definite feelings about solids that are not perfectly puréed. 

Day 1050

The Lizard was pretty good at staying happy while she was dealing with teething pain, but it so wonderful to have the happy back full force. So many giggles! So many flaps!

Day 1049

It's weird being at a kid's party and seeing the future for your kid; the stuff she's going to be able to do.... And then realizing that other parents are looking at your kid and seeing the future for their kid.

Day 1048

Parenthood brings lots of frustrations, both big and small. But it also results in frequent and unfettered happiness.

Day 1047

Life was much easier when I only had to be worried about whether I had clothes on when the doorbell rang.

Day 1046

Who needs naps when you can cut teeth instead?

Day 1045

Even in the middle of teething, we have a remarkably happy little Lizard. 

The puppy, on the other hand, is a whiny little buttface who keeps throwing his balls under the couch and then bawling about it.

Day 1044

And then the Lizard alternates between being a happy delightful baby and a fractionally-toothed monster.

Day 1043

We are now the proud parents of a barely-toothed Lizard.

Day 1042

Head down, bum up, I'm a baby I can sleep however I want.

-The Lizard

Day 1041

How to convince the dog to come to you: sit on the floor and act like you're absorbed in something that doesn't require his presence. Better yet, something where is presence is actively unhelpful.

Day 1040

I think the only one more excited than we are about Lizard's continuing development is Bert. 

I think the only one who gets their hair pulled more than we do is Bert.... Who will sit there and take it, with a persecuted look on his face. 

Our dog is obviously Saint Bertard.

Day 1039

If an air raid siren and a pterodactyl had a baby, it might sound something like my daughter.

Day 1038

It is getting more hazardous to leave the puppy and the Lizard alone together. He'll bring her his toys and she'll stick them in her mouth, and then he sits around so she can poke him in the eye and yank his ears.

Day 1037

The normal pas de deux of life is somewhat disrupted by all of the baby stuff everywhere. 

(I'm looking at you, Bumbo.)

Day 1036

The eternal struggle to prevent a completely gung-ho girlypants wardrobe for my daughter rages on...

Day 1035

Eventually you just have to admit defeat and acknowledge that your baby is not going to stop jamming her feet through the bars of her crib just because it freaks her out and makes her scream her face off.

Day 1034

Encouraging your kid to yell while trying to poop may not be the most forward-thinking parenting strategy in the world.

Day 1033

And then you get so used to your kid sleeping badly that you feel compelled to poke them to make sure they're still alive when they do finally sleep soundly...

Day 1032

Evil babies with vile poos are much easier to contend with when you're getting some sleep.

Day 1031

Having already learned patience when feeding a tiny person, it's nice to be able to just enjoy all the ludicrous faces.

Day 1030

That thing where you have to decide which baby needs a both more desperately.

Day 1029

The day, several months after your kid is born, that you realize No depositing of rubbish or other injurious matter on highways

217(1)      No person shall drop, throw, or deposit on a highway, whether from a vehicle or otherwise, or knowingly leave on a highway

(a) any glass bottles, glass, nails, tacks, wire, cans, scraps of metal, or any other substance or thing that may be injurious to a person, animal, or vehicle; or

(b) any tobacco ashes, burning match, lighted cigar or cigarette, or other burning substance; or

(c) without restricting or being restricted by clause (a) or (b), any ashes, garbage, or other refuse, trash, or litter.

.... Too funny to undo.

But actually: 

The day, several months after your kid is born, that you realize that you're now a mom. 

Day 1028

Staycations forever.

Day 1027

Dear Lizard; 

Here is the rule: when you're exhausted, you go to sleep. 

Love,

Your Somewhat Exasperated Mother

Day 1026

Introducing your baby to solids means it is possible to sleep in (also known as get some sleep) while your delightful, wonderful husband feeds the baby.

Although the fact that you started typing 'while your delightful, wonderful baby feeds the husband' might suggest that even more sleep might have been advisable.

Day 1025

Babies: a constant stream of evils and delights.

Day 1024

Being able to introduce your kid to new things is pretty amazing. New foods, new places, new experiences. But best of all is discovering new ways to make them giggle.

Day 1023

Slowly learning the fine art of not waking the baby.

Day 1022

The Lizard takes after her parents, and doesn't want to go to sleep if she could be having fun instead.

Day 1021

It's Lizard's second trip to the lake. As long as we actually keep power this time...

Day 1020

The second time confirms it: the Lizard has a poo face, and it is hilarious.

Day 1019

Our happy Lizard might be dangerously outgoing.

Day 1018

It's only been seven months, but apparently I had already forgotten that newborns are little.

Day 1017

You can tell the Lizard is exhausted when you find her where you left her.

Day 1016

Babbling is the best. Some poo, little Lizard.

Day 1015

Our seven (!) month old Lizard can rock a mean road trip, for which I shall be eternally grateful.

Day 1014

The Lizard celebrated being almost seven months old by being an excellent road trip baby.

Day 1013

Spending time with niblings makes me realize how much there is to look forward to with the Lizard. 

And also makes me glad there is a circle in the layout of our house.

Day 1012

The Lizard demonstrates to people that it is possible for her to get ill-tempered. She also gains more silly clothes.

Day 1011

There's a good chance you're not une grande personne if you spend half an hour one evening making fart noises with your arm instead of going to bed at a reasonable time.

Day 1010

The Lizard is demonstrating a dangerous extroversion streak. I wonder if you can nurture that out...

Day 1009

The Lizard has decided to stop sleeping and start talking. This includes notable babble such as "guck".

Agreed, little Lizard. Agreed.

Day 1008

The Lizard has now met all of her first cousins and all of her grandparents. She just needs one more auntie, and she's got the complete set.

Also, it turns out babies are extremely popular in my family.

Day 1007

Survived the Never-Ending Drive of Spitting. Now we just have to survive zillion degree temperatures with no air conditioning.

Day 1006

ohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmyhodohmygodohmygod

Day 1005

We spent some time looking through old (!) pictures of the Lizard this evening. It's crazy how much she has changed and grown; seeing her gradually turn into the little one we know now. It's an indescribable feeling, and almost overwhelming.

Day 1004

The Lizard discovered a new least favourite food, and also discovered a fun new way to get food all over herself.

Surprisingly, she didn't figure these things out at the same time.

Day 1003

Another day, another rousing round of 'What Insane Sleeping Position Will The Lizard Have Assumed Today?'

Day 1002

It's nice that the Lizard showed off her bib-flipping skills for an audience. Not quite so nice: showing off her stealth puking and crappy sleeping skills.

Day 1001

Husband's first Father's Day was celebrated with video games and productivity and delicious dinner.

Lizard was not involved in the festivities because she was apparently so excited to hear about the birth of her fifth cousin that she slept for most of the day. 

To be serious though, while the Lizard doesn't yet realize how much she lucked out in dad's, I am so appreciative of everything he does to care for her and support me. And of course, for his willingness to be very silly indeed to make our little girl giggle.

Day 1000

A day of working together to accomplish a pile of stuff. So far it seems like one of the important parts of a successful marriage is teamwork. Also making the other person giggle by dancing around the basement like a maniac. 

I'm hoping the 1000th dayiversary present is baby wipes, cause we bought 1152 of them. 

Day 999

It bears repeating: if the devil were a bat, today would be the day of the beast.

Day 998

If you feel like your head is getting over-inflated because of how popular you are, have a baby. That will fix it.

Day 997

Another developmental milestone to make you feel happy even while you're a zombie: hugs.

Day 996

A day of 'has it happened?' 'No, still hasn't happened.' 'I think it happened' 'still hasn't happened' 'it must have happened! Did it happen?!'

Come on Lizard, just unleash the crappen already!

Day 995

Another doctor's appointment, another chance for Lizard to be seen by the adoring public.

Day 994

Finishing a good video game leaves an odd void in your life.

Day 993

Apparently learning how to talk requires extra drool. Mostly for all the bubbles.

Day 992

Lizard, in her finite wisdom, decided her pukiest, screamiest night of the week should be when the soon-to-be parents were over for dinner.

Day 991

Apparently if you keep your baby from sleeping enough on the day she gets a shot, she'll sleep for eleven and a half hours that night.

And now I have to do my best to forget that before her next shot.

Day 990

Our little Lizard is excellent at performing for a crowd. She'll be all smiling and cheerful and adorable. And then we get her home and pay the price in farts, tears, and vomit.

Day 989

Sorting through clothes the Lizard has grown out of made us realize just how much she's grown. It's hard to believe she was ever so small...

Day 988

We hit the sweet spot: the Lizard is old enough to wear sunscreen and interested enough in the world that she wants to look at everything, and the puppy is capable of not barking at every dog and/or person that exists outside.

Hello Front Steps, we are about to get to know each other real well.

Day 987 (belated)

It was very exciting to see the Lizard taking to new foods with enthusiasm; less exciting to see them come back up. 

Day 986

Today we learned that even if we hand to pay a hojillion dollars a year for daycare for the Lizard when I go back to work, at least the daycare is nice.

Day 985

We have kept the lizard alive for six months. May we continue to have success in this endeavour.

Day 984

Between Husband and I, we are responsible for the personal hygiene of four beings. To think - as a species, we can hardly handle hygiene for one during adolescence.

Day 983

I wonder how much milk and puke will come up out of the carpets when I eventually get around to cleaning them...

Day 982

Parenting endurance is in s league of its own. The trick is to never sit down. Also peppy music.

Day 981

Definitely our baby; the lizard hates bright lights (including sunshine), overheats easily, and enjoys overcast breezy days. Excellent.

Day 980

It's decided: we'll never take our Lizard out into big groups of people again.

Day 979

Pride and warm dizzied as the Lizard ate her first official attempt at real food with enthusiasm. And then amusement at her chagrin at being confronted with plain old breast milk. Her expression clearly said: "Hey! Where the bananas at?!"

Day 978

I agree, little Lizard. People are exhausting.

Day 977

The day the baby pukes when you kiss her is a good day for Thursday to unexpectedly become your Friday.

Day 976

It is disconcerting having a very cheerful baby who won't sleep.

Day 975 (oops)

Discovering the Lizard likes sunshine as much as her parents; enjoying the snuggliness of a sweet little puppy who isn't really a puppy anymore; luxuriating in leek and mushroom pie and Black Forest booze cake; spanking death with my wonderful husband. 

Day 972

Husband pointed this out, but I am having trouble believing it; the Lizard weighs more than the dog.

Day 971

TIL it is possible to walk into a ceiling. The Lizard learned how to pee very thoroughly all over her change table while her mommy is stunned from walking into a ceiling.

Day 970

That horrible moment of suspense after a loud noise while you wait to hear if the baby woke up...

Day 969

That wonderful thing where the baby is reasonably good at going to bed, and you get to regularly hang out with your husband again. And spank death.

Day 968

I can adult and so can you!

Day 967

The babies are still recovering from yesterday's ordeal. The Lizard wants to sleep a lot, and the puppy MUST CUDDLE ALL OF THE THINGS.

Day 966

The Lizard has had her first overnight trip.  It's the May long weekend and there is a massive rain/ice/snow/wind storm going on. The power went out with no sign of coming back on in the near future, resulting in a harrowing drive back to the city.

I'm not sure if that was the message the universe intended to send, but it sure feels like we should never leave the house again.

Day 965

The Lizard's first walk-in visit, first national park, and first sleeping in a travel bed. 

Too much excitement for mums.

Day 964

Sometimes caution pays.

Day 963

When your baby's face lights up every time she sees you, it can make even the day the baby pukes on your face the best day of the week.

Day 962

Life would be much more pleasant if babies could only leak one bodily fluid on you per day.

Day 961

Another day, another ten games of 'Why Is ______ Wet?'

Day 960

Some days(/hours/minutes) you wonder why everyone isn't always having babies since they are so tiny and wonderful and lovely.

And then other times you wonder how you managed to get Stockholm Syndrome.

Day 959

You know you've stayed up way too late when the dog puts himself to bed.

Also, you get a new appreciation for Mother's Day and Father's Day when you start to realize all the crap parents put up with.

Day 958 (so belated)

Sometimes I think I have the sweetest, smiliest baby in the world... And then the middle of the night happens.

Day 957

It is sobering to realize that you are so tired that you would refuse to hold someone else's baby, but you are carrying yours up and down stairs and bench pressing her to make her giggle. 

Tell me again about how you're soooo tired from having to stay up late to write a paper.

Day 956

Your sense of humour changes when you have a baby. Luckily, your spouse is just as sleep-deprived.

Day 955

Babies have a remarkable quantity of evil and sleeplessness per square inch.

Day 954

The Lizard has now watched her first concession speech, thanks to her flabbergasted mother.

Day 953

Baby monitor conundrums:

Is she coughing for real, or for attention?

Is the yelling because she's mad that you've put her to bed at her bedtime when she's tired, or because she rolled over, or because she rolled over and got her arm stuck between crib bars, or because she tangled her legs up in her blanket and can't roll over?

Day 952

The Lizard believes in being fashionably late. She ensures this by puking and/or pooping right before we leave the house to get somewhere at a specific time.

Day 951

If you want to feel absurdly pleased with yourself for accomplishing ordinary tasks, get a baby and a puppy.

Day 950 (belated)

The Lizard learns to roll both ways; parenting difficulty level increases.

Day 949

Husband takes Saving-Wife's-Sanity Leave to help deal with sick baby; sick baby promptly feels better and is mostly cheerful.

Day 948

It is important to take the time to appreciate the snuggliness of the sick baby between bouts of puking.

Day 947

We've decided: having a baby is like being in a big forest, or out on the ocean, or in a cathedral.

Day 946

The Lizard has her first sore throat. She was muttering all day long to make sure it was still sore.

Day 945

Usually you aren't popular if you drool and puke on people. I hope the Lizard is enjoying it while it lasts.

Day 944

People who keep their babies up past their bedtimes never prosper.

Day 943

Counting blessings.

Day 942

Today the Lizard learned to laugh like a human. I hope this will make it easier to hear the difference between her having the best time of her life and her trying to set you on fire with her mind.

Day 941

Today the Lizard discovered her tongue and had to practice making faces with it.

Day 940

Baby giggles absolve a multitude of sins.

Day 939

Apparently if you put your kid in a stupid outfit with no matching pieces, fewer people will tell you how cute she is.

Day 938

Alternating catnaps and overstimulation is apparently not a great parenting tactic.

Day 937

Pathetic Baby Battle! 

Pukey Lizard Vs Limping Puppy!

We don't know who will win... But the loser is definitely parents.

Day 936

The milestone chart says "speech sounds". They don't specify a species, so Lizard has decided to run with raptor speech noises.

Meanwhile, the puppy has sprained his elbow and needs to rest it. Which probably requires either sedatives or restraints.

Day 935

If your day involves poop in an armpit, it's pretty much just going to be a bad day.

Day 934

The Lizard reverts to her normal happy self after several days of fussing; the puppy starts limping. At least they take turns?

Day 933 (early)

You forget how amazing things like rocket launched are until you watch one with a baby and try to explain it to them.

Day 932

Today I started teaching the Lizard an important lesson: if you don't nap, you will be forced to submit to silliness to entertain your mother.

Day 931

At least when babies are overtired it sometimes means that you get hysterical giggle shrieks. Which are entertaining as long as you can still tell that there is actual mirth involved.

Day 930

Hung out with the Lizard outside for the second day in a row. She seems to be okay with fresh air but hates sunshine.

Bertie seems to be deciding that spring is okay when it doesn't have wet bits.

Obviously we will only be able to bring both babies outside when it is overcast but not raining.

Day 929

Data gathered so far suggests babies are Tardises (Tardi?). The list of things a baby contains that are each bigger than the baby (with my admittedly limited sample):

-poop

-puke

-farts

-milk storage

-evil

Day 928

With my current water intake, it's possible that I pee more frequently than the Lizard.

Day 927

Parenthood isn't all about bodily fluids; often there are smiles and giggles and cuddles and incredible new milestones and your heart bursting with pride and love and excitement.

It's just today was all about bodily fluids.

Day 926 (early)

The oft-repeated question of the new parent: is this a growth spurt, or is my baby just an asshole?

Day 925

Fussy babies, sleep deprivation, and face paint are a dangerous combination.

Day 924

Just realized that the four month old probably spends more time standing than I do.

Day 923

Take the Lizard out to see people and she cries. Bring her home after her bedtime with puke in her hood and she giggles her little face off.

Day 922

It's Friday night of an extra long weekend and the Lizard is asleep. Must be time to organize the DVDs!!!

Day 921

Tonight the Lizard has to put herself back to sleep. May the dogs be ever in our favour.

Day 920

The Lizard is discovering her leg muscles. Useful for creeping, for kicking, and for launching off my boob with greater vigour.

Day 919

The Lizard can unleash farts that sound like a moped.

Day 918

The Lizard is demonstrating a tendency towards hermitage. So she fits in nicely... But this probably won't help encourage me to leave the house.

Day 917

Cleaning rampages are somewhat less effective when sleep deprived - but more impressive. At least to the zombie(s).

Day 916

The babies are now actively conspiring together to ensure we get insufficient sleep.

Day 915

Celebrating the fact that it's Friday by reading Atlantic reviews of terrible movies with husband so that we can guffaw and read the best bits out loud.

Day 914

I accomplished my goal for the day: nobody died.

Day 913

The Lizard continued to come up with ingenious ways to avoid going to bed, like "pooping everywhere" and "staring at daddy instead of eating".

Day 912

The puppy doesn't like to poop in the rain. I have a vision of the future that includes Husband and I having to hold an umbrella over the little bastard's head so he can do his business...

Day 911

The most miraculous thing about babies is sleeping.

Day 910

Powerhouse parents accomplish all of the things on no sleep. Evil babies are most cheerful when they're supposed to be sleeping.

Day 909

It's hard to be annoyed with the Lizard for interrupting her feeds because she wants to smile at me so bad.

Day 908

Somehow, by ensuring the Lizard gets more sleep, we have started getting less sleep. That's baby science.

Day 907

If you want to hear about strangers' grandkids, take your baby out in public in the middle of the day.

Day 906

Lizard learning that it's okay to not be held my mom or dad at all times might be one of the best developmental milestones so far.

Day 905

Hopefully tonight we won't be so excited that the lizard is sleeping that we won't be able to sleep.

Day 904

Lizard put herself to sleep. We win at parenting.

Day 903

Early family dinners are an excellent invention.

Day 902

Apparently Lizard's stubborn streak includes crying forever without falling asleep, and her independent streak does not extend to being willing to fall asleep without a parent present.

Day 901 (corrected)

Sleep training a baby may be worse than birthing one.

Day 899

I now appreciate the luxury of eating slowly.

Day 898

It is somewhat disconcerting taking your three month old out and having people think she's brand new.

Day 897 (belated)

Stayed up late, partly because we were waiting for news of the birth of Lizard's new friend and partly because Lizard was overtired and hyper. I need all of the naps.

Day 896

I'm starting to get the horrible suspicion that's daughter is a morning person.

Day 895 (belated)

How can something so cute smell so bad?

Day 894 (belated)

The Lizard helpfully decided that it was time to prove to my inlaws that she can scream her little face off.

Day 893

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Day 892

You think you've got everything under control for when a guest comes over, and then the dog gets into something he shouldn't and the baby pukes all over you and herself. Multiple times.

Day 891

Lizard growth spurts, Mommy coffee drinks, Bertie stuff destroys.

Day 890

The baby can now laugh.

Challenge accepted.

Day 889

I used to think the puppy was happy to see me, but the giant grin babies are capable of is a whole new ball game

Day 888

The Lizard's pile of homemade blankets are a testament to how wonderful and talented our friends are.

Day 887

I get suspicious when the baby is too cheerful. What foul scheme are you working on, baby?!

Day 886

Dear Lizard,

Thank you for having your poopsplosion while your daddy was still home to help me deal with it.

Best Wishes (and Love),

Mummy

Day 885

Sometimes you just have to puke all morning to smile all afternoon.

Or so the Lizard would leave me to believe.

Day 884

Motherhood has taught me that blowing your nose one-handed is super awkward.

Day 883 (belated)

The Lizard prefers balance in her life. If she has a wonderful day where she eats nicely, sleeps well, shows development, and smiles a lot, the next day she feels compelled to be a raging terror.

Day 882

Last night the lizard slept through the night; today she rolled over for the first time.

I feel like we have bred a super baby.

Day 881

If you ever want to feel super accomplished for doing housework, have a baby.

Day 880

In which the baby is a stupid buttface.

Day 879

Sick babies are heart-wrenching.

Day 878

You might be getting used to motherhood when the dog pukes on the couch and the baby had a diaper-buster shortly thereafter and you aren't phased by it.

Day 877

...and then one day you find yourself trying to moo your kid out of a bad mood.

The worst part is that it works, so the insanity is reinforced.

Day 876

The Lizard continues her campaign of terror with Operation Develop Way Too Quickly.

Day 875

Dear Exploring Lizard,

Please keep your adventurous spirit for parent-approves expeditions. Adventure is not required (or desired) in the middle of the night.

Best wishes,

Your Mum

Day 874

It is ridiculously enjoyable finding new ways to distract and divert the Lizard from fussing. 

The newest method: mooing at her.

Day 873

We decided to try to put the Lizard to bed early in her bassinet; she convinced us to give up and go to bed early too. 

Do not try to win arguments with babies.

Day 872

My Lizard is having an Abby Normal day: puking way more than usual, pooping way less than usual, seeing to her cousins more than usual and screaming inconsolably waaaaaaaaay more than usual.

Day 871

I am determined to make the Lizard laugh. And then I will teach her to laugh on cue so I'll have someone in the house who laughs at my jokes.

Day 870

I didn't post last night because I figured I'd have time when Lizard woke me up in the middle of the night. And then she slept through the night.

Best reason for late post EVAR!

Day 869

The Lizard is trying to decide what she should accomplish way too early first: standing, rolling over, or crawling. 

But really... why not all three?!?

Day 868

There is no more dawdling on errands allowed - we race against the clock of Lizard's growling belly.

Screams make for a terribly effective alarm.

Day 867

As the baby gets more and more interested in playing, parenthood becomes more and more awesome.

Day 866

I have determined conclusively that vaccines cause narcolepsy and bulimia.

Day 865

Vaccinations do not cause autism, but they sure do cause cranky babies.

Day 864

I found a song the Lizard doesn't like. The immediate face contortions were amazing.

Day 863

The puppy has been renamed The Abomination after walking the baby and making her cranky for the rest of the day.

Day 862

The Lizard has introduced a new sound into her repertoire. I had been hoping for a giggle rather than a high decibel screech.

Day 861

Having mastered the comedic possibilities of farting, the Lizard has moved on to bodily fluids.

Day 860

Note to self: start compiling album of embarrassing photos of the lizard.

Day 859

Does my happy Lizard sometimes get possessed by an evil baby, or does my evil Lizard sometimes get possessed by a happy baby?

Day 858

STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD!!

Day 857

The Lizard does not approve of Husband going back to work, so she is spending every awake moment eating. Or pooping. Sometimes she poops while she sleeps.

Day 856

Netflix is the best thing to happen to breastfeeding since nipple shields.

Day 855

If you can hear your baby sloshing when you burp her, does that mean she's had enough to eat?

Day 854

Taking fewer pictures of Lizard because I am too busy playing with her. 

Day 853

Any day that starts with friends and pancake balls is gonna be a good day.

Day 852

Oh, the delightful bureaucracy that requires a seven week old to sit up in their passport photo. Luckily, derp face is still allowed.

Day 851

And then the baby fell asleep before midnight and I got confused because Christmas was last month.

Day 850

The Lizard is in the middle of growing out of a pile of sleepers and just finished a growth spurt; the kid is pretty much a moose. It's weird listening to people exclaim about how tiny she is.

Day 849

Pro tip: there is way more lint to clean out from between baby toes and baby neck folds when you switch to new flannel sheets.

Day 848

That one glorious moment that you think you may be able to get to bed at 10:30, rather than the normal bedtime of after two in the morning.... Until your little Lizard stomps on all of your hopes and dreams.

Day 847

The Lizard has been trying to condense as much development as possible into the last few days. At this rate, she should be graduating from university by the end of the month.

Day 846

Now we just have to convince the lizard to scream less and smile more.

Day 845

Yesterday, the Lizard smiled at me a couple times. Today she's smiled at me a pile of times, and smiles when I kiss her. Best developmental milestone ever.

Day 844

Sleep deprivation is excellent for making up new words. Like endonginator.

Day 843

The Lizard has daytime narcolepsy and nighttime insomnia. Also a bottomless stomach.

Day 842

Today I got to eat dinner while it was hot!

Day 841 (Bonus!)

It's possible that it is bedtime for everyone when you start trying to burp your own breast and Husband gives a receiving blanket - with no baby in it - a goodnight kiss.

Day 841

Lizard definitely gets an A for effort in Pooping 101.

Day 840

Lizards usually don't have to wear pink.

Day 839

If the Lizard tries to tell you she is starving to death, it is ALL LIES.

Day 838

I better get some pretty wicked breakfasts in bed for the buttonhole in my perineum.

Day 837

Having spent four hours feeding your kid on several occasions is much less terrible when you find out that it is because she is turning into a moose.

Day 836

Husband has developed magical powers of making the baby less angry. I can't imagine the terrible price he must have paid to attain them.

Day 835

Redditting while breastfeeding will probably result in even less sleep.

Good life choices!

Day 834

We have a baby who is one month old. She seems to be thriving, and no one seems to have died/gone crazy from sleep deprivation.

Huge success.

Day 833

It is strange and wonderful adjusting to a baby who sometimes stays awake after being fed, and is willing to stare and stare and stare... And then make gas-induced smiles at you that are easy to pretend aren't from gas at all.

Day 832

This is the feed that never ends; yes, it goes on and on, my friends.

Day 831

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that your baby is not being an asshole on purpose. Babies don't even know what assholes are.

Stupid babies.

Day 830

Today the Lizard somehow managed to roll up the sleeves of her onesie. Apparently that was to indicate her intention to eat all of the things, all day long.