Day 3383

We are a whole family that doesn’t want to go to bed. We might all become nocturnal when we go on vacations with teenagers…

Day 3382

 Turns out walks are a good idea even when it’s very cold… provided you wear enough mittens.

Day 3381

 It may be time to create a shrine to domestic gods and goddesses and to start making offerings.

Day 3380

 It’s a little weird shovelling out the snow knowing you aren’t going anywhere 

Day 3379

 When the cardboard settles, and all the plastic bags and tags and straps have been removed, and all the kits have been assembled… then, I shall assemble my loom.

Day 3378

It really is z kind of magic watching their little faces light up.

Day 3377

 Read the recipe before you put off making it.

Also wrap presents in advance.

Day 3376

 If you finish wrapping your presents early, does Christmas Eve still exist?

Day 3375

 It would be nice to go back to a time where getting a shot isn’t exciting.

Day 3374

 Pyjama Day: obviously universal.

Day 3373

 Our little ones are very familiar with the process of confiscating books and stuffies for children who are staying up giggling; they’ve started doing it to Baby Norin when s/he is bad at naptime.

It doesn’t seem to have made them any more sympathetic or any more likely to go the eff to sleep.

Day 3372

 I love the little phrases the two year old has picked up.

Otay?

Sounds good?

Not yet!

So many!

I love the expressions and the big words and the long sentences in that tiny little loud voice.

Day 3371

 If you have enough children, eventually you don’t have to help bake cookies anymore. You just have to herd cats at the ingredients until they become cookies.

Day 3370

 Never argue with a four year old. 

Day 3369

 Christmas is probably actually coming; the baking has begun.

Day 3368

 An abrupt return to winter for an abrupt return to school.

Day 3367

 The best Christmas parties are planned one day in advance.

Day 3366

 Sometimes parenting is best described as sisyphusian.

Day 3365

 Someday we will be allowed to go outside again.

Day 3364

 At least it wasn’t blueberries.

Day 3363

 I am thrilled with our daughter’s expanding collection of bird art. 

And excited about new beginnings.

Day 3362

 Banana scowled so hard she rolled her eyes and the reaction was so enthusiastic that might become her default expression.

Day 3361

 Coughing is strictly forbidden.

Day 3360

 Another quarantine, another craft distraction.

Day 3359

 I’ve checked the math, but it still seems impossible that seven years ago we had a tiny baby and today we have a tiny seven year old.

Day 3358

 Did not lose any children.

Created an Extremely Banana Monster.

Day 3357

 How much cake is too much cake?

Day 3356

 For the sake of Christmas lights, we settle for a dinner of popcorn, cucumber, and yogurt.

Probably worth it.

Day 3355

 Good job, Teddy! 

If only we could convince Banana that Teddy is allergic to fuffing around.

Day 3354

 Who needs staff anyway?

Day 3353

 I am, as Banana says, in strace.

I don’t know when I will be out of disgrace, but if Teddy’s path is anything to go by, I might have a timeout coming.

Day 3352

 Teach a kid to fold and she’ll sometimes help with laundry. Teach a kid to Marie Kondo and she’ll refold everything in her dresser in a day.

Day 3351

 Bees?

Day 3350

 More vaccinations, please!

Day 3349

 Well I don’t think anyone is going to be hiring me as a graphics designer any time soon.

Day 3348

 Is it bad to wish “take all the time you need”?

Day 3347

 It is a wonderful thing returning to a familiar built world, and exploring it further.

Day 3346

The universe wanted me to sit down and be quiet today. Got the message, you didn’t have to tell me three times!

Also, according to Banana the rooster, penguin, and elephant finger puppets are a nurse, cheese, and a child. Because she is totally normal.

Day 3345

It’s probably your third kid when you’re only sort of supervising the two year old standing on a stool whisking flour in a giant bowl.

Day 3344

 TRASH!!!

Day 3343

 It’s a roller coaster of spoons!

Definitely meets regulations, yep. 

Day 3342

 There are some parts of houses where water is just not welcome. 

In the floorboards is one of them.

Day 3341

Nothing like a surprise plumbing adventure…

Day 3340

 We put our nicest things in the basement, where we can enjoy them.

Day 3339

Reading about supply chain problems is very different from going into stores and seeing sparse displays and empty shelves. 

Still nice to go on errand adventures again.

Day 3338

 Do you want to build mountains of snow and put faces on them and call them a snowman?

It doesn’t have to be a snowman.

Day 3337

 But have you considered more snow?

Day 3336

 Suddenly little girls (and maybe big ones) are looking up to Bo Peep…

Day 3335

 Book clubs within book clubs 

Day 3334

 Hello books, my old friends. It’s nice to be with you again.

Day 3333

 Never teach your child to play a kazoo.

Day 3332

 The only thing better than one horrible goose is two horrible geese.

Day 3331

 A walk is almost always the right choice. 

Day 3330

 Bears roaring at you is apparently very silly right up until it’s time to go to sleep.

Day 3329

 Friday night reading party!!

Day 3328

 We’re not going to sit and admire every shish (fish) on your blanket young lady, even when you say don’t go. 

Sleep, silly airplane. 

Day 3327

 Goodbye, Performance Management. You will not be missed.

Day 3326

 More problems… and a reminder that our problems are not really big problems.

Day 3325

 But now where will I get reading assignments?

Day 3324

 Sometimes I forget that children with candy are basically dragons with treasure.

Day 3323

 Today the children learned they are all airplanes. 

May they immediately forget it.

Day 3322

 Parenting pet peeve: listening to your kid tell you about an insipid kids show you’ve never seen.

At least tell the relevant parts IN ORDER. 

Kindly leave out more irrelevant bits.

Please PLEASE don’t try to explain the jokes to me.

Day 3321

 That awkward phase of kid sickness where they are bouncing off the walls between bouts of coughing and crying…

Day 3320

 Who needs plague rats when you have teething children?

Day 3319

 I’m beginning to wonder if we need to explain to our boy that you shouldn’t lick doorknobs. Maybe he doesn’t know and it seemed fun so he’s been doing it at daycare all this time…

Day 3318

 It is disconcerting seeing the little goblin queen show some early signs of being a rule-follower. 

Day 3317

 Platypus: the Dream Sword

Day 3316

The end of the festival of cake is in sight. 

Long live the festival of cake.

Day 3315

 I am not accustomed to subdued children.

Day 3314

 When the fevers are down, the glue and scissors come out!

Day 3313

 You know it’s trouble when the boy isn’t talking.

Day 3312

 Another successful Sock Puppet Day, now with a named sockbird: Stuart Alex Bingbong, called Socksy.

And a completely (delicious) unreasonable amount of (delicious) cake.

Day 3311

 THE BABY PLAYED IN THE BATHTUB.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. 

SHE PLAYED, AND SMILED AND LAUGHED.

Still no luck on sitting.

BUT PLAYING!!!

Also, back forest cake is amazing.

Day 3310

 But surely one can’t be too aggressive with To Do lists?

Day 3309

 Superstore made a stocking mistake and now I get to be a dancing skeleton.

Day 3308

But who will pluck the chickens?

Day 3307

 Drawing birds until the email comes in is infinitely better than just hitting refresh - refresh - refresh.

Day 3306

That feeling when you interrupt your kid’s reading to remind them to do homework… which turns out to be reading.

Day 3305

 I WILL TURN THIS BED AROUND!!

Day 3304

My boy is super adept at doorknob questions. Anything to push bedtime a little later. Tonight he dropped a little tidbit about ghosts in children’s bedrooms that he cuts apart with a knife.

Like you do.

Day 3303

 You know bedtime went great when the entire toy box got confiscated.

Day 3302

 It’s official: we have no more babies. 

And the crib went out with a bang.

Day 3301

A group of kids laughing at physical comedy is one of the loudest sounds in the world. 

Prove me wrong.

Facts are inadmissible.

Day 3300

 Our Banana has the best little admonishing finger. It has only gotten better since she started clearly saying don’t. 

And she wags the finger: Don’t! Buttle me. Otaaay?

Day 3299

 Ceci n’est pas une pipe, actually.

Day 3298

 What could be better than a crowded living dance party when your belly is full of pizza?

When you do it during pizzamas, of course.

Day 3297

 Fart breathing saves the day once again!

…although it might be nice if I could convince them to do the softer, gentler toots breathing.

Day 3296

It would probably help our baking problem if we were worse at baking. But who can resist when the results are so delicious?

Day 3295

 Everyone we haven’t seen for a while is outside, hiding. At the cottage. Drinking coffee.

Day 3294

 I love the never ending adventures of our boy’s one million children. Now they built a province, and he sells them bread.

Day 3293

Introducing the idea of birth control to a four year old; watching Banana try to jump as high as a plane.

Day 3292

 When hugs don’t work, try a sneak attack on the imagination.

Day 3291

 Our Banana firmly believes her mommy has no place in the kitchen. She should be in the living room, reading Hairy Maclary books forever.

Day 3290

 Being ordered around by a two year old isn’t so bad when she wants stories and snuggles.

Day 3289

 Gluttony and Sloth. 

Also the birth of the volcano whale.

Day 3288

I hit the perfect naptime trifecta: read book, bake, play Uno.

Day 3287

 DOTS!!

SCOTCH!!

Day 3286

 A somewhat non-traditional way to celebrate an anniversary. But we did get to make oat balls and then squish them. And who can resist delicious squishy oat balls?

Day 3285

 Trust Banana to come up with an elaborate charade to try to get me to take her outside at bedtime. 

Day 3284

 My sweet boy says he wishes he were nocturnal. He doesn’t know it yet, but probably he is a night owl too.

Day 3283

 I could have sworn we had this election already… 

Not sure I approve of the universe granting fo overs if they have the same results.

Day 3282

 My six year old has now done more laser tag than I have. It begins.

Day 3281

 Who could resist our dauntless bouncing happy Banana?

Day 3280

 I’m not compulsive, you’re compulsive.

Day 3279

 Have goldfish bowl, will swim in circles.

Day 3278

 If you’ve enjoyed living in a weird plague bubble, might I recommend getting the exterior of your house painted? Then you can live in a literal weird bubble.

Day 3277

 Was not actually expecting the paint to explode off the house when powerwashed. How do you clean up after a paint blizzard?

Day 3276

 No mouse house with a death garden for us!

Day 3275

 Many adventures are improved by the addition of wagons.

Day 3274

 Hello, house.

Day 3273

No stickers for voting during a pandemic. 

Maybe there’s a t-shirt...

Day 3272

Our boy has a tantrum. 

Banana: “Hold my juice box.”

Day 3271

 Banana, I know you like bopping your brother on the head, but it’s just not allowed. Our house is a no bop zone.

Day 3270

Yorkshire unlocked!

Day 3269

 Didn’t think I would ever see the day that I am counting down until I get to eat spaghetti… darn babies, limiting my spaghetti consumption.

Day 3268

 I need a good muscle detangler. Life is much better when it doesn’t hurt to look at things.

Day 3267

 Return of the To Doooooooom List!

Day 3266

Only sometimes a goblin.

Day 3265

 Google image search is an excellent way of distracting children, as long as you are prepared to never stop showing them pictures of every animal they can think of.

Day 3264

 Being sick was much easier when I didn’t have little people climbing on my back and demanding extravagant things like entertainment and dinner.

Day 3263

 Why is your hand in your mouth? Take your hand out of your mouth. Don’t put your hand in your mouth. Don’t put your fingers in your mouth. WHY ARE YOU LICKING YOUR HAND?! I know you’re making a face, but don’t put your fingers in your mouth. Get your hand out of your mouth.

AGGGGGGHHHHH

Day 3262

 Banana was not impressed that I didn’t have meetings for her to crash, no matter how often she pointed at screen and yelled ‘People!’ or how aggressively she shoved my headphones at me.

Day 3261

 Officially part of the Brain Swab Club.

Can’t say I’m a huge fan of the initiation rite.

Day 3260

 When you realize that the game you put down a few months ago actually hasn’t been touched since before your whole entire toddler was born…

Day 3259

 Two year olds are the most volatile element. And their reactions are almost completely unpredictable.

Day 3258

 Banana, proving that she can be even more two.

But also bringing the roly poly song into my life… and doing the actions so enthusiastically that she fell over.

Day 3257

Pants are over, tantrum to begin.

Day 3256

 Lizard put herself to bed… I left the room while she was reading a chapter book, after having instructed her to turn out the light when she finished the book. I suspect she actually did.

Meanwhile, Banana seems to be the bad influence…

Day 3255

 That feeling when you’re on hold and the music abruptly stops, there’s a click, and you think you’re going to actually get to talk to someone….. and then the same recorded message plays, and the music starts again…

Day 3254

 Goodbyes suck.

And apparently it’s possible to open bins very wrong.

Day 3253

 Little Bananas don’t need sleep. Why should they sleep when they can sing?

Day 3252

Belatedly, the rains came.

And Damma read more and more and more.

And Banana hopped and hopped and hopped.

Day 3251

 If you want to get Banana riled up, tell her she gets to go outside. You better be ready to put your douze on right that second. 

Day 3250

 The children might be starting to pick up on the benefits of being in kahoots.

Doom will surely follow.

Day 3249

 On the farm where he lives and works with his one million children, he has a milk tree that grows cardboard jugs of milk and then when the jugs fall he opens them so the cows can drink. And he has rabbits who grow their own carrots, and bees that water the flowers and then put them in vases. 

Day 3248

 Dear Goblin,

Have you considered sleeping? I know ABCs are riveting, but sleep might be nice too.

Best Wishes,

Your Mother

Day 3247

 The dog is having the time of his life.

Day 3246

 What could be better than an obliging Damma and a stack of Hairy Maclarys?

Day 3245

 The house is clean. It must be DAMMA DAY!!!

Day 3244

Feeling very pleased with myself. Assignment completed, house much much cleaner, boy in his new bed. I feel like I might actually pull this off…

Day 3243

 Children don’t understand about zucchinis. 

“Can’t we eat another vegetable?”

I like zucchinis, because zucchinis are the best.

Day 3242

 Sometimes I’m quite thankful that I’ve had a lot of practice running on little sleep. It’s almost nice when the babies aren’t to blame.

Day 3241

 I was right; it is the beginning of rainy reason. 

Please be just the beginning.

Day 3240

 You give the boy one set of nautical sheets for his new bed and he comes up with an elaborate under the sea fantasy that includes carefully chosen and carefully placed blankets. How else would you get the seals and the sea rocks in the right places?

Day 3239

 No, dear boy, I don’t want to smell your teeth, even if they’re lemony.

Day 3238

I called our kids troublesome noodles. Our dear boy says “HEY! We’re not noodles!”

No arguments here.

Day 3237

 I would not recommend under-napped Bananas.

Day 3236

 As expected/feared, Banana seems to be leading the charge on potty training. 

Some day we’ll have to sit her down and explain who is the boss around here…

Day 3235

 My children, bickering over which mindfulness track they want me to play for them. 

Also Banana: “Eat it! Mouth! Also, cookies!”

Day 3234

Getting to start playing real board games and card games with your kids is the best. UNO begins!

Day 3233

 Suddenly, cross country horses. With the Mary Berry of the equestrian world doing commentary.

GO ON.

Day 3232

 Oh dear. The little goblin is ME.

Day 3231

 Yes indeed, another talkative independent goofball. How could that have happened?

Day 3230

 Maybe we should go rural? 

We can’t go rural?! How dare my work require my presence?!

It was all a mistake, we can go rural!

Have you seen how pretty city house is?

Rural house sold. We can’t go rural.

Why are there no daycares anywhere?!

We will live in this house until the books take over.

Day 3229

 How to distract children from eating their dinner and make them stick their whole heads in front of your phone: Olympic boats.

They will find it endlessly entertaining that the front of the boat is at the back. 

And is there anything more better than having a two year old tell you about their day one enthusiastic word at a time?

Day 3228

 Paying other people to do manual labour for you is a good stage of life. Especially manual labour during the summer.

Day 3227

 And then they fell down a rabbit hole of strange sports they didn’t understand with no commentary.

But hey, boats!!

Day 3226

 Even with the third kid, it is still disconcerting when they sleep for an extra long time and are visibly longer when they wake up. Or are better at talking.

Day 3225

 Homeownership involves a lot more deforestation than I was prepared for.

Day 3224

Happy Birthday, my Sunshine Goblin.

Day 3223

 And now we are officially out of babies.

Welcome to being big, my sweet little goblin.

Day 3222

Picked up new kid’s toy, brought it home, then sat down on the floor and played with it. 

Yes, yes. This will do. 

Someday I may even given it to the children. 

Day 3221

 It is dangerous to play ‘what’s the best movie from the 90s’ when you don’t have time to watch dozens of movies.

Day 3220

 Reading about the Great Depression while living through drought and wildfire smoke makes everything more vivid. 

Good reading experience; would not recommend.

Day 3219

 Survived no air conditioning for the whole sweaty weekend. Came back to an air quality warning that suggests turning off your air conditioning. 

*kicks global warming in the shins*

Day 3218

 Convinced Banana that kiddie pools are a significant improvement over baths. Did not convince Lizard that it is best to sleep in a bed big enough for you. 

Day 3217

 Banana sleeps when she is ready. Banana does not care about your appeals to reason. Banana doesn’t care what time it is. BANANA WILL SLEEP WHEN SHE IS READY.

Day 3216

No children, you can’t pack every blanket you have. It’s a heatwave, not May long.

Day 3215

 Some words shorten much better than others for toddler usage. “‘Side out” is totally comprehensible. Shortening ‘polysporin’ is… not great.

Day 3214

 Next offensive against the weeds: MOAR ZUCCHINIS!!!

Day 3213

 You know you’re parenting right when the nearly two year old knows about sad trombone.

Day 3212

 You never expect to grow up to be Farmer McGregor.

And then the damn bunnies eat all the beets except one and all the carrots but eight.

Day 3211

 We got to see friends! In their faces!! IRL!!!

Day 3210

 Why not put a 15 year old stupid inside family joke on enough shirts to field two baseball teams with spares?

Day 3209

It is ill-advised to poke a bear, especially if you make the bear mad first.

And now the bear has a higher base rate of grumpiness. 

Please stop poking the bear.

Day 3208

 Apparently Banana can sleep on a cot without burning the daycare down, so that’s perhaps a good sign for the day that we trust her enough to take the side of the crib off. Maybe when she’s ten?

But also she can open childproof bottles. Not a good sign.

Day 3207

 Whatever you do, don’t help the baby, even if she asks you to, unless it’s one of those times that you should, in which case you have to, how could you even think of leaving her to do it herself when she’s demanding to do it herself? You monster!

Day 3206

 Only Banana would think to combine her elaborate lotion regime with yoga. Who else would think a hands free downward dog is the best way to get lotion on your back?

Day 3205

Our kids know already that one of the great frustrations of life is not having enough time to read books.

Day 3204

 I do hope we hit peak two-ness soon. I could do with less rapidly intensifying two-ness. I fear we will soon hit a tropical two.

Day 3203

 Ideally you know whether you are working a full day or not sometime before the middle of the work day.

Also, ideally, you have a pretty good idea whether or not you’re getting paid.

Day 3202

 How to entertain your children on a very hot day: a few inches of very cold water.

Unless they hate baths, in which case they can sit and watch their siblings run around and shriek. 

Day 3201

 Well, it’s not as blisteringly hot here, but everything is covered in aphid sugar poo. Pick your poison, I guess.

Day 3200

 What do you do with a spent backyard volcano?

Day 3199

 When I woke up this morning, I was not expecting that our house would turn into a paper lantern factory.

Tomorrow is volcanos.

Day 3198

Sometimes I think we might be raising little weirdos.

Day 3197

 Destroying mosquito habitats is pretty satisfying. 

Day 3196

The school year is over. Long live the school year.

Day 3195

 We’ve reached the ‘gluing pine cones onto leafs glued to paper’ part of the school year.

Day 3194

 It is not a good time when all the children choose the path of most resistance.

Day 3193

 I can’t say I was expecting to have our lives taken over by Asterix, by Jupiter!

Day 3192

 Fully vaccinated. Will feel more jubilant once the aching stops.

Day 3191

 Got an app to identify flowers for Lizard and mostly have learned how badly we’ve been treating our poor blueberries and how many of our weeds are highly invasive. 

Also got Lizard fascinated by henges.

Day 3190

 Board game afternoons are the best afternoons.

Day 3189

 If you let your daughter paint rocks, you’ll probably end up giving all of the children a wagon ride.

Day 3188

Deal with work explosions, build a robot, back to explosions, go for a walk.

Day 3187

 Things went south.

Day 3186

 We didn’t get a lot of schoolwork done, but we did play in the dirt and look at a bunch of bugs. Job done.

Day 3185

 Où est le crabe?

Day 3184

Finding small rabbits while I am mowing is a habit I would rather not become a pattern. Take note, cats, owls, and mommy rabbits. Not in my yard, please.

Day 3183

 Crossing the property line is pretty great.

Day 3182

 Isolation is over. I’m excited to take the kids outside again and let them run their little legs off.

Day 3181

 How do you train a gleefully non-compliant goblin?

Day 3180

 The problem with climbing mountains on the exercise bike in the basement is that you then have to go up two flights of stairs to go to bed.

Day 3179

 Banana: sometimes a goblin, but always always always ready to look out the window to watch for bunnies.

Day 3178

 The War on Dandelions continues. Can’t wait to see how many fricking zombie weeds are sticking out tomorrow.

Day 3177

 This is the most excited I have ever been about turnips.

Day 3176

 You will never defeat the dandelions, you can only slow their advances.

Day 3175

 Long day, accidental mountain.

Day 3174

Baby steps.

Slow and steady.

Just keep swimming.

Day 3173

Planting the garden in the dark with thoughts of my mom for company

Day 3172

Wee Banana is already getting clever ideas fir manipulating her parents. If I say I have to use the potty, will you take me upstairs to look at bunnies out the window?

And she’s learned more songs to sing instead of going up sleep.

Day 3171

 For entertaining a six year old, try bubbles, lego, and the delightful Mo Willems.

Day 3170

 Whelp, if I can find a baby bunny in the yard, I guess it’s only to be expected that a cat would too. 

So far no corpses. So … fingers crossed.

Day 3169

 Didn’t mow a baby bunny. Not a blessing I expected to be in the list today, but I’m counting it.

Day 3168

 Exercise biking: now with surprise cobbles!

Day 3167

TFW you’re doing a behavioural assessment and trying to answer the way you would if you weren’t burnt out…

Day 3166

 Another day, another failure to skip the whole “staying up late thing”.

Day 3165

TIL my almost daily bike rides for the last few years were mere saunters in the park.

Day 3164

Foods my children eat: tacos, fish, and broccoli.

Foods my children get grumpy about: spaghetti, pizza, and “melty cheese” in general.

Someone explain these pod children to me.

Day 3163

 That feeling when you watch a movie from your youth with your kids…. And realize you had totally forgotten about the part where people are trying to kidnap a dog to shoot it in the face. 

…and the cycle continues because apparently your kids missed that part. They’re too caught up in the triumph of the dog and how surely if the police witnessed his bravery, they would immediately make him a police dog and give him a police uniform and a police hat.

Day 3162

 Another Eurovision, another batch of incomprehensible voting choices.

Day 3161

 Our boy sat on the toilet, sharted, then started giggling because his butt sneezed.

Day 3160

 A first poem does deserve celebration… but you should have played the crowd and asked for cake or pie.

Day 3159

 In which we discovered that our son thinks yo-yos are instruments…which sound suspiciously like cellos.

Day 3158

 We’ve settled it. Banana has resting mischief face.

Day 3157

How do we teach our cozy son not to wear a hoodie when it’s thirty degrees?

Day 3156

 The time soup is so thick the seasons are confused.

Day 3155

 In Lizard’s vast experience of messaging, people who don’t reply promptly are usually out working in the garden.

Day 3154

 Vaccinated with a science miracle.

Day 3153

The fever breaks; Banana pats herself on the head and says “better!”

I ask for a blue crayon; Lizard takes every blue one out of the box, reads the name of each colour, and draws a test square for each so I have the information I need to make a choice.m

My last full day as an unvaccinated person.

Day 3152

 If Lizard does school activities every day while I colour, I think I’m going to actually enjoy the rest of the month.

Day 3151

It’s been a while since one of my babies fell asleep on me. It makes me miss those early days when I could just sit and snuggle for a while.

Day 3150

Never have I been so excited about shots.

Day 3149

 Happy Mother’s Day, welcome to homeschooling!

Day 3148

The best thing about Mother’s Day is and always will be the crafts.

Day 3147

 I mentioned to our boy that I was a little grumpy this morning too. 

“You didn’t want to put on your socks either?”

Yep, definitely the problem. Yep yep yep.

Day 3146

 It’s not every day you find out you’re married to a big shiny crab.

Day 3145

 Someday I will figure out how to convince a small person who doesn’t want to sit on the toilet that if they pee quickly they don’t have to sit on the toilet anymore.

Not soon enough for it to be useful, of course…

Day 3144

I wonder if all these little corona babies in daycares are going to be better at reading expressions from just the eyes than their older counterparts.

Day 3143

 For the next chapter of Forever March, have you considered broken toe? 

You know, just to spice things up.

Day 3142

 We watched Moana and now we have an in-house expert on demigods. They’re all very strong, they all have magic fish hooks, and one of them is superman.

You know he knows his stuff because he stopped calling them “dummy gods”.

Day 3141

There might be rather a lot of garbage-picking in my future.

Day 3140

 You drop one little noodle into a cup of milk and dinner transitions from a whine festival to incessant giggles. 

Either way, they’re not eating the noodles.

Day 3139

 And here I thought I might be done getting reading assignments…

Day 3138

And now for something completely different...

Day 3137

 Today I learned appliance delivery men can do MAGIC.

Day 3136

 Goodbye old stove. You sure did cook stuff.

Day 3135

 It’s normally a challenge to negotiate with toddlers. Most toddlers don’t laugh in your face when you yell at them.

Day 3134

 Dear Banana, if you don’t go the eff to sleep, we will take away your brother privileges.

Day 3133

 I don’t think we will be making horridge porridge again.

Day 3132

 Banana is now willing to admit that animals make noises other than roars and moos. Frogs go bibbit and ducks say duck duck duck.

She also growls at the dog when he barks.

Day 3131

Today our boy was playing on the xylophone a song he said was written by the pterodactyls before they died.

It was not as mournful as you might expect.

Day 3130

 *stubbornness intensifies*

Day 3129

 It’s delightful having tiny adorable people in firefighter costumes, but less adorable when they have trouble distinguishing between real fire and pretend fire. Sometimes it feels like it might be good if he could turn his imagination down to eleven.

Day 3128

 “No, it’s okay mommy. I’ll tidy up the mess, you can sit down and read your book.” -Our excellent daughter.

Day 3127

 We have the tiniest cutest rage-amuffin.

Day 3126

When your dreams are simultaneously weird and banal and the baby makes a miraculous recovery, you start to wonder... was it a dream that she was sick at all?

Day 3125

 Another kid with symptoms, another wave, another quarter. The cycles continue.

Day 3124

 Sometimes school work comes home and ...????

Do I have to teach my kid glade refills aren’t food?

Day 3123

 It has been a very long March. March continues for the foreseeable future.

Day 3122

 What to do with extra time and energy? Shovel all the things!

Day 3121

 Banana is so cheerfully non-compliant that sometimes it’s hard to be anything but amused.

Day 3120

 It’s official. Our boy taught his little sister to start calling us when they wake up in the morning. “Munny! Daddy!”

But also, she might know how to mumble her ABCs

Day 3119

 Our boy was providing us with his recipe for baking a Spider-Man costume for him. It has three salts of sugar, three measures of baking soda, woolly bits cut into lines, and oil for the eyes. Simple!

Day 3118

 The dog seems to be enjoying Operation Find Little Free Libraries... aside from the bit that I don’t let him stop to sniff every leaf.

Day 3117

 Someday our Banana is going to lead her friends headlong into shenanigans. Who could resist that cheeky smile?

Day 3116

 The best way to get help with yard work is to tell your kids you don’t need help and that they should go play.

Day 3115

 Is it a good idea to educate a six year old in the world of Calvin and Hobbes? Perhaps not. But it is my duty....and I get to hear all the giggling while she reads as a bonus.

Day 3114

 Banana seems to approve of egg hunts. And miraculously everyone approved of lamb. Easter should come around more often.

Day 3113

 Virtual birthdays and bridal showers with delivered food. March continues.

Day 3112

 And now we have a bird artist.

Day 3111

 Pro tip: things are going to go bad if the whole family is sleep deprived.

Day 3110

 Someday we will manage to convince our fair Banana that bathtime is not end times. 

Today was not the day.

Day 3109

 Expanding vocabulary is so delightful. Tiny little sentences, things called by the wrong noun... 

Like my glasses case isn’t actually a bed, but... I mean...kinda. My glasses sleep there at night. 

Delightful.

Day 3108

Banana seems to think that all dogs are called Bertie. Or possibly that the species is called Bertie. Either way, she gets very excited when she spots a Bertie.

Meanwhile Chinchilla says (according to his iPad), mountains aren’t real. So probably we’ll have to check out some of those when we crawl out from this rock we’ve been hiding under.

Day 3107

 You don’t put a knife in a toaster. Or a toast in a knifer.

Day 3106

 Banana was feeling left out when the big kids were playing with Lego at the big table, so we let her sit in her booster seat to colour. 

For a glorious while, they played nicely and quietly together and we sat in the next room and did our own thing. YEEEES. This is our sometimes future! It means books during the DAY.

Day 3105

 Doom week over.

Exhale.

Day 3104

 Maybe I shouldn’t be laughing at all the people packing their bags for the coming POGGalanche.... but I am.

Day 3103

 A group promise is only as strong as its two-est participant.

Day 3102

 Our boy has started appealing to his imaginary phone’s authority to settle arguments. Who can argue against an imagined google search result?

Day 3101

 When you accidentally sign up for the deep sea diving course instead of the splashing in the kiddie pool with water wings course...

...and a part of you is like ‘welp, since I’m already here...’

Day 3100

 Our boy is four and he’s already figured out wishing for more wishes; for his birthday he asked for a machine that makes toys.

Day 3099

 Four years ago my mom was feeding our daughter spaghetti and dealing with our flooding basement while we were in the hospital waiting for our boy to make an appearance. Today she got vaccinated against the goddamn coronavirus. Thank goodness for Mums and vaccinations.

Day 3098

 The baby has discovered tickling. 

And is refining her tantrum technique.

Day 3097

Good news, everyone! Our boy is willing to have dessert!

Day 3096

 Our boy was trying to figure out how to rescue the Titanic and his big sister kept trying to give him science reasons a particular plan wouldn’t work... and maybe at some point I should have mentioned time machines aren’t real?

Day 3095

 The boy wants to grow up to be a giraffe.

Unclear whether this is before, after, or instead of being Santa.

When he’s a giraffe, he will bend his neck down and his head up and see a turtle... and then he will be a giraffe turtle!

Or a turtle giraffe, I forget. Either way, the mental image is spectacular.

Day 3094

 Apparently Lizard is starting to become aware of the passage of time. This morning she was showing me her pants and then suddenly said “Ack! I think I might be running late!” and took off.

She was indeed running late.

Day 3093

 Our easy-going baby is getting more demanding. So far it had been mostly about her; feed me, read to me, change my diaper, etc.

Today she added ‘open the gate so the dog can come up’ and ‘put away the laundry’.

Day 3092

 Dancing in the living room in pairs might soon require mouth guards and helmets.

Day 3091

 You say out loud that leprechauns are pretend, like mermaids. Immediately one kid is upset because they made decorations for leprechauns at school, and how could that be if they’re not real? And another kid gets mad because mermaids are obviously real. They live under the sea, sing songs, hang out with crabs and fish, and feed all the sea creatures.

Day 3090

 The boy said something about being on the roof. I told him that seemed dangerous, and he very nonchalantly said ‘no, mummy. Because the world turned upside now and the sky is down and the grass is up.’

So good news, everybody! We can all fly now!

Fancy not noticing until he mentioned it...

Day 3089

 Some glorious day everyone in this family will feed themselves their own food with their own utensils.

Day 3088

 Every time you shovel water you feel like you’re accomplishing something... until you stop for half an hour.

Day 3087

 Why work on your extremely time-limited course when you can spend your evening watching your laptop try to update?

But also Nanaimo bars. So. 

Winning!

Day 3086

 Trying to get the baby to say her big sister’s name and Butt-yup is what comes out.

Close enough? At least for the girl who pronounced please “pbbbbbbbbbbt”.

Day 3085

 Our boy is very excited about being Buzz Light when he grows up. Since he’s bigger and braver than Hulk and uses his dangerous light to kill bad guys and also is an astronaut.

Day 3084

 Life would be much better if our children would just eat delicious food.

Day 3083

 Banana prefers people at waving distance. At least for the first few months, until she gets to know them.

Day 3082

The more she learns to talk, the more trouble we’ll be in.

If she’s in her chair, she wants this parent to feed her, no not you! with that spoon, not the fork, don’t be ridiculous, salad only when I say so, not yet, it’s noodle time, as if I would eat broccoli when there are noodles, how dare you pause to take a bite of your food, no not now I’m still chewing, now I’m busy smiling and making weird noises, NOW NOW NOW.

And then she demands out, but she actually wants up so she can feed herself more dinner while sitting on your lap while you look at your phone. The last bit is part of it. Because.

Day 3081

 Your arbitrary collection of grades has arbitrarily been altered. Complaining is forbidden. Asking for an explanation is forbidden. Arbitrary grades may be returned arbitrarily. If so, it may or may not be permanent. That is still being determined. Please go work on next week’s materials - the ones not being arbitrarily withheld.

Day 3080

We need a suffix for when something makes you angry. Instead of -phobic you’re -ragic. Or -furic. 

Cause that’s our Banana with bathtime. And sharing. And not wearing boots.

Day 3079

I wonder how long it will take for people to get their conversational skills back...

Day 3078

 When life gives you lemons, try Robit.

And also a big dose of your kid’s beautiful kind heart.

Day 3077

 When your six year old falls asleep in your arms, and it’s not even nightmare o’clock...

Day 3076

 Well, at least I didn’t break my butt.

Day 3075

 Banana seems to have decided that if you’re sitting anywhere other than at the dinner table, you’re supposed to be reading books to her.

Day 3074

 This is the first kid to realize that if she gets the next set of books while you’re in the middle of reading a book to her, it’s much harder for you to sneak away to do something else.

Day 3073

 The end of vacation was as sudden as the beginning. I wonder if my concept of time will make more sense post-pandemic...

Day 3072

 When you have some whipping cream to use up... why not make strawberry shortcake for the first time ever on a whim?

Day 3071

 When you realize your six year old currently gets through chapter books faster than your retired mum...

Day 3070

 It is looking suspiciously like we have another book fiend on our hands. 

Day 3069

 I didn’t forget that I booked vacation days, I’m just surprised that it’s already here.

Day 3068

 The only thing that can console a Banana whose teeth hurt and whose boots you have removed is... linty toes?

How does one stock linty toes?

Day 3067

That feeling when your six year old has opinions about the previous American president...

Day 3066

 When she isn’t bowling people over, Lizard takes her big sister role very seriously and sweetly. But then she gets caught up in being six and forgets that she is big compared to some people.

Day 3065

 How do you say no when someone who is two and a half feet tall asks you to dance?

/drags you to the dance floor and refuses to let go

Day 3064

 Turns out you don’t have to twist my arm too hard to get me to play board games all weekend.

Day 3063

 Spider-Man and Black Widow aren’t always shooting bad guys with their powers; sometimes they have to go to the dentist.

Day 3062

 When your six year old pretends she doesn’t know what chicken is, you are (probably) justified in inventing throwing broccoli. Doing it in front of the three year old was probably not the best idea in the world.

Day 3061

 There’s no such thing as a quiet activity when Chinchilla is involved.

Day 3060

 Another day, another deep end.

Day 3059

 Chinchilla is already making plans for new parents when we “go to another building”.

Day 3058

 If you rampage hard enough, your house will get so clean it stays like that forever.

Day 3057

 PEW! PEW PEW!! PEW PEW PEW PEW!!!!

Day 3056

 May Banana’s love of stroganoff never die.

May Lizard’s problem with spaghetti disappear forever.

May Chinchilla actually eat when he’s hungry.

Amen. 

Day 3055

Benefit of Covid life: nobody bats an eye when your kid wanders onscreen during a call... they just smile and wave.

Day 3054

Last night we had a house of nightmares; Chinchilla came up with a game plan to defeat his bad dreams (get the police to catch the bad guys and ask his parents to fix the stuff they broke) and I slept in Lizard’s bed with her until she decided I could go. Problem solved!

Day 3053

 Lizard was practicing kindness today, and read her brother his bedtime story and tried to tuck him in. He refused to cooperate because he wanted to stay wrapped in a blanket. She starts heading out the door, looks at me, shrugs, and exclaims “three year olds!”

Quite.

Day 3052

 Only use ingredients your children like in approved ways they have eaten before OR YOU SHALL SUFFER.

Mostly from all the frustration.

Day 3051

That feeling when you finally succeed in getting your kid to try out the bigger black boots (rather than the purple ones that are getting too small), and she immediately announces they make her jump higher and run faster.... and then you break the boots in with an adventure. BOOM! Parenting win.

Day 3050

 And then Perfect Dark happened, and everything was good.

Day 3049

 Banana might hate baths (loudly and with great vehemence), but at least she likes the after bath routine. If she didn’t, she might hold a grudge and I’m not sure I’m ready to see this kid with a grudge.

Day 3048

 If Banana’s going to insist on wearing boots and a coat after she comes home, we might as well put her in the cutest little Christmas gnome coat we can find...

Day 3047

 Banana seems to be very adept at being juuuust awake enough to arrange all her stuffies for nocturnal snuggling.

Day 3046

 We’ve figured out to avoid the trap with houses, but someday a kid is going to ask to go to an animal shelter “just to look” at the animals and we’ll decide there’s no harm in that.

Day 3045

 Do you bite your thumb at me, ‘21?

Day 3044

 Banana might have a rough time as a book destroyer in a house full of bibliophiles...

Day 3043

 Eighteen months. Still crazy, still adorable, still very sweet... also very opinionated and barely even a baby anymore.

Day 3042

The parenting site tried to warn me it was coming, but I was still unprepared for my last baby not being a baby anymore.

Day 3041

 On his last day before he goes back to daycare, our boy finally set up his office to his satisfaction. His abacus is his computer, a small helicopter is his mouse, and as he says his “headphones suspiciously look like a dragon”.

Day 3040

 You take the staples out of the dog and suddenly he thinks he can leap over small buildings in a single bound...

Day 3039

 I don’t think we will be getting our boy what he wants for his assessment, as I don’t agree that he should have an axe so he can axe eagles. It remains unclear what eagles have done to wrong him...

Day 3038

 And then winter started.

Day 3037

 I’m beginning to suspect we are going to regret deciding to bunk the agent of chaos and the never-nap together.

Day 3036

It might be a little early to encourage her to specialize, but Lizard can just make bird art from now on, right?

Day 3035

 With the first kid you could make silly suggestions about what she should have for breakfast and she’d giggle, stop being distracted, and tell you what she wanted.

With the boy... yes, he does want fried monkeys for breakfast, so let’s put on our boots and go pick some monkeys out of the trees...

Day 3034

2021 has not been doing a great job of putting its best foot forward.

Day 3033

All praise daycare workers, who must have wells of patience much much deeper than mine.

Day 3032

 Welp. Not winning any parenting awards today.

Day 3031

 The inevitable phone call couldn’t have fucked off until next week?

Day 3030

 That feeling when your six year old asks if she can keep a notebook and pencil in her room so she can do math and draw things... and then asks if she can bring her loom to her room so she can knit when she wakes up...

Day 3029

 Knitting loom kit: I hope this doesn’t awaken something in all of us....

Day 3028

 I would clearly make a terrible princess if the pea test is involved.

Day 3027

Convincing our boy not to do any jumping or jumping for the next many months is going to be a looooong uphill battle.

Day 3026

 Missing my sweet hot water bottle and doomscrolling.

Day 3025

 Goodnight sweet puppy with no robot parts.

Day 3024

We’re getting into the good homework: read books.

Day 3023

 And now we spend the next six months finding pine needles everywhere.

Day 3022

 Board game days are good days.

Day 3021

 Well... we managed one whole day before the dread started intensifying.