Day 2564

I am the goose.

Day 2563

Lizard went to her first birthday party, overcame her fear of bouncy castles, and developed a distaste for cheese pizza.

Chinchilla decided he wanted to be a grouch and live in a garbage can. Apparently grouches say “toot toot!”

Day 2562

The emotional rollercoaster of parenting: when you’re kissing him goodnight, your son says “I love you, you’re a good mommy.”... and an hour later he’s still awake and you have to take away the vast collection of books and stuffies in his bed because you got so mad that you threatened to do it if he kept talking.

Day 2561

That feeling when your kids are staying up way, way, waaaaay past their bedtime.

Day 2560

Trying to introduce more ludicrous exclamations for my children to repeat. “Blistering barnacles” and “oh my giddy aunt” have entered the rotation.

And my four year old asked me to lower my voice today because she could barely hear herself read.

Day 2559

Dear Baby,

Because we (strongly) believe in vaccinations, and because of your epic powers of grumpiness, you did not get to meet the justices of the Supreme Court.

You can decide for yourself whether I was trying to save you from your grumpiness or save the justices from it.

You’re welcome.

-Your Mother

Day 2558

A day of remembrance, thinking of my niece who is now a teenager. Remembering how much time I spent with her as a new baby makes me really miss living in the same city. Time flies even faster from far away.

Day 2557 (corrected)

You expect for plans to go awry when you have kids. I still wasn’t prepared for our ice cream fiend to refuse ice cream; for our walking fanatic to refuse an opportunity for a walk.

The curveballs keep getting curvier.

Day 2577

If you require cheering up because you got a new phone, there might be something wrong with you.

Day 2576

Worst time to have the camera on your phone crap out: when you’re home with a new baby.

Day 2575

Banana slept through the biggest storm of her young life. I napped through part of it; the thunder inspired some apocalypse-level storm dreams, and when I woke u I was surprised to find the branches still on the trees, the grass still rooted in the dirt, and some scattered puddles on the road.

Chinchilla enjoyed the storm from daycare. The thunder, he says, “says BOOM!”

Day 2574

How long do four year old memories last? Lizard is still giving me heck for a terrible zucchini loaf I made last year (although by her estimation it happened ninety years ago). Luckily she says she loves me anyway. I’ll probably need to make a chocolate chip one to help her forget...

I accidentally swore in front of her tonight, and she promptly repeated it (echoing my vehemence). I explained that it was a bad word and I shouldn’t have said it. “But Mama, you encouraged me to say it because you said it!”

Day 2573

If a tree falls in your dreams, does it never fall in real life?

The house is very quiet with no husband in it.

Day 2572

Some days you get the princess and some days you get the goblin.

Day 2571

You shouldn’t get reminded why you hate being outside during the summer when it is September.

Just LET FALL FALL.

Day 2570

We seem to be raising kids with a really strong sense of morality; we watch a movie and they demand to know why the villain is being bad, and exclaim over the villain being mean, or doing things that are unsafe to others. That behaviour is just incomprehensible to them.

That does not seem to be stopping Lizard for picking up a big dose of defiance from kids at school. Apparently “I don’t have to if I don’t want to!” doesn’t register as being bad. I’m not sure it always is; but holy mackerel it is at the very least super aggravating for her parents.

Day 2569

Lizard was getting me to poll people she knows who have lots of kids about whether having that many kids is hard, and whether a dad is required. This is probably related to her stated plan to have five kids and teach them ballet and how to be princesses, without a dad. No job. (I haven’t yet informed her that she is unlikely to be independently wealthy.)

I tried to explain why dads are helpful with new babies, and now she thinks we should have an overnight wet nurse (or “a girl babysitter so the baby gets feeded”).

The questions were easier to answer in simple language when she wanted to be a palaeontologist.

Day 2568

Sometimes life with kids is basically just a re-enactment of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.

And by the end of it you find yourself thinking ‘Well, I guess we’re never buying shoes again.’

Day 2567

Trying to imagine what it would feel like getting a call from the principal’s office on the fourth day of kindergarten because your kid is being bad... when you have a kid who hugs the principal on the fourth day of kindergarten because she loves her.

Day 2566

Someday Lizard will figure out the implications of saying things like “I’m being pretty good at school these days.”

Until then, we’ll just hide our giggles.

Day 2565

After some late reservations, Lizard seems to have decided that she loves school... and that it might be even better than daycare.

I have survived the emotional process of having a child start school, but have discovered that I did not steel myself sufficiently in preparation for the truly atrocious French pronunciations that are now coming out of my daughter.

Day 2564

Apparently Lizard has already learned that butter makes everything delicious.

And then she knocked her milk over for the millionth time and the evening went swiftly downhill.

Although we did still manage to bathe all the children.

They also managed to bathe themselves in their own tears.

Day 2563

My children are not shy with their criticism; Chinchilla told me it was not nice to peel the zucchini, and Lizard rather pointedly commented that she was holding the baby’s head since I wasn’t.

<deep breath, try not to giggle, explain>

Day 2562

It’s one of the most magical days of the year: Giveaway All Your Crap Day! 

Also, aimless walks with little people are great. And don’t feel aggravatingly pointless, maybe because they tire out the little people.

Day 2561

In no way a surprise: Lizard made friends with the principal on the first day of school.

Also, Lizard had a happy and successful first day of school, and I am so, so relieved.

Day 2560

‘‘Twas the night before first day of school, so of course Lizard has a fever.

Meanwhile, I let him tuck me into his bed one time, and Chinchilla has decided he should be the parent now.

(And I’m the kid named Nude.)

Day 2559

Are you really allowed to send babies to kindergarten so soon after they’re born?

Day 2558

Going on adventures is a lot easier when you don’t have small children with you. Unless they’re teeny tiny children.

I look forward to medium children. But I’m savouring the hermitting with my littles.

Day 2557

I accidentally told my four year old that the polar bear mascot at the zoo eats people.

It was only when she burst into tears that I realized we were talking about different polar bears.

Day 2556

People autopilot is a splendid and terrifying thing. Partly because you only realize it’s on (or was on) when things go a little wrong...